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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To announce pregnancy at birthday party

364 replies

MyJollyLion · 13/10/2024 15:01

My mother is having a party soon to celebrate a milestone birthday.

Husband and I have been TTC for almost a couple of years now, which mum knows about and is excited for. We’ve recently found out I’m pregnant, and the date of her party will be just after our 12 week scan, so we wanted to announce it at the party - nobody knows yet.

I’m youngest child and this will be my first baby. Mum has three grandkids already, all are young adults now and one of those has two kids too. Mum is very maternal and loves having babies and kids in the family.

I think she will be delighted for us but just wondering if it’s poor form to announce at her birthday party, is it like a lesser version of announcing it at a wedding or something.

OP posts:
wandawaves · 15/10/2024 02:42

Gosh if one of my kids announced a pregnancy at my birthday party, I'd be over the moon and declare it the best birthday present ever!!
It's only ever on MN that I get the vibe that grand kids are an inconvenience and generally an underwhelming experience. Everyone I know in real life finds their grand kids the best thing ever!

But just in case your mum is one of those "I should've found out first" types, I think telling her before the party is a great idea, then she'll probably excitedly announce it herself at the party!

mathanxiety · 15/10/2024 04:10

It's very poor form.

Speaking as an older woman coming up to a significant birthday who would be delighted to hear of a grandchild on the way regardless of the occasion...

But I have friends who would not look kindly on (1) the hijacking of a party, or (2) being told along with every Tom, Dick, and Harry at the party.

I have one friend in particular who was quite upset that she was told along with everyone else as she felt it was a reflection on the relationship she had with her daughter, which she had thought was great up to the day of the public announcement.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2024 04:14

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 13/10/2024 15:58

I wouldn't purely because even if your Mum is thrilled and doesn't mind, other people at the party are likely to be a bit wtf? And will talk about you in a negative manner.

Oh yes indeed they will.

My upset friend whom I mentioned was very aware of this, and felt her guests had questions about the quality of her relationship with her DD.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2024 04:16

Missingpop · 14/10/2024 22:49

Put a scan photo in her card & tell her to open it infront of everyone she will announce it for you x

No, don't do that.

ThatPhotoOfUs · 15/10/2024 04:23

If my children have children in the future, I hope they would tell me, as their mum, before telling more distant relatives who are less close to at a party. I wouldn't see it as taking attention from me if they did it, it's just that I'd want time to speak to them about it without everyone else around.

FancyNewt · 15/10/2024 04:42

I'd be delighted if I was your mum, but you know your mum so should judge it.

Kingofthetyrantlizards · 15/10/2024 04:59

What would your mum think, OP? I told various relatives I was pregnant with DC2 at my mums birthday - she'd known a few weeks, but it was the only time I was going to see my siblings/grandparents/aunts etc for a while and it meant I could tell them in person - which my mum was perfectly happy for me to do (and actually suggested). I didn't 'announce' it though, just mentioned it in conversation. And it 100% didn't take anything away from my mums celebration... because we're all adults.

Fraaahnces · 15/10/2024 05:03

Why don't you show up early and give her a wee present with some baby booties or a baby grow or something and let HER announce it if she wants?

Geranen · 15/10/2024 05:45

My mum would love it, but I can see not everyone would.

good idea @Fraaahnces.

Geranen · 15/10/2024 05:47

Tink3rbell30 · 13/10/2024 17:53

So you're going to be pig headed and make the cringe announcement because other people have said it's cringe.. seriously don't do it. Pick up the phone and tell her tonight or to her face before.

Why the passive aggressive "pick up the phone," people always say this when someone can't be bothered to text or get in touch at all, but OP will be physically seeing her DM soon so how does this even apply?
Why are people so obsessed with using weird, rote bits of hackneyed speech like this? And "cringe" - how old are you?

Viviennemary · 15/10/2024 05:57

Why would you. Rude and selfish and entitled.

Jack80 · 15/10/2024 07:26

It's up to your mum

CherryCake88 · 15/10/2024 08:07

There’s some horrible people on here who must just take pleasure in making people feel like shit.
They also completely ignore the fact of your emotional fertility journey and undoubtedly raging 1st trimester hormones.

Congratulations on your pregnancy - what an exciting & amazing journey you’re about to go on.

I can imagine the type of mother you have and her excitement for you. I think it would be amazing on the day of her party before it begins, to maybe give her some kind of present that includes a scan picture.
She can then decide if she shares that news at her party - and I imagine she totally will want to 😊

hope it goes well! Take extra care of yourself during pregnancy.
And a word of advice is to avoid posting on MN during this time. Your mental wellbeing is just as important 😊 💐 xxx

Tink3rbell30 · 15/10/2024 08:19

It is very cringe so I stand by my comment.

OolongTeaDrinker · 15/10/2024 08:34

Kingofthetyrantlizards · 15/10/2024 04:59

What would your mum think, OP? I told various relatives I was pregnant with DC2 at my mums birthday - she'd known a few weeks, but it was the only time I was going to see my siblings/grandparents/aunts etc for a while and it meant I could tell them in person - which my mum was perfectly happy for me to do (and actually suggested). I didn't 'announce' it though, just mentioned it in conversation. And it 100% didn't take anything away from my mums celebration... because we're all adults.

That’s completely different though - the OP doesn’t seem to be planning to tell her mum before the big reveal at her mum’s party.

DurhamDurham · 15/10/2024 08:37

I can't get over the fact that you see your pregnancy as a special present for your mum and a privilege to know first.

You'll look back and be mortified yourself one day.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 15/10/2024 08:37

wandawaves · 15/10/2024 02:42

Gosh if one of my kids announced a pregnancy at my birthday party, I'd be over the moon and declare it the best birthday present ever!!
It's only ever on MN that I get the vibe that grand kids are an inconvenience and generally an underwhelming experience. Everyone I know in real life finds their grand kids the best thing ever!

But just in case your mum is one of those "I should've found out first" types, I think telling her before the party is a great idea, then she'll probably excitedly announce it herself at the party!

You're saying what most are also saying.

No one is saying the child is an inconvenience, didn't see such a post.

It's about the DM having her day where it's all about her. Where she can go to bed reflecting on the interactions she's had with loved ones who came to support and celebrate her.

It's a great feeling to have where you feel loved and valued.

Which is exactly why OP wants to do it at the party, so she can get the attention. That's what's poor form.
If it was just about sharing the news, why do it at someone's milestone birthday....

Doesn't mean the DM won't be overjoyed, just making sure the day is about celebrating her. She's waited 10 years after all.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 15/10/2024 08:42

Missingpop · 14/10/2024 22:49

Put a scan photo in her card & tell her to open it infront of everyone she will announce it for you x

Don't be that person. Talk about me, me, me!
How about a birthday card which is what the day is about.

Her birthday and you being pregnant are two wonderful things, but they're seperate.

Don't piggyback on her milestone celebration.

GreenShadow · 15/10/2024 12:51

I would love it if my DC announced this at my party!
Would make a great day even better.

FiguringLifeOutOneFuckUpAtATime · 15/10/2024 18:03

You could do a quiet surprise announcement to your mum once you've had your scan a few days ahead of her birthday. Maybe get a "Happy Birthday Nanny" card & include a scan picture inside and let the penny drop... then leave it up to her as to announcement at her party.
Congratulations btw, I hope everything goes smoothly in the meantime & all goes well for your 12 week scan 😊

Grammarnut · 15/10/2024 22:22

You are not being unreasonable however, it's very bad form to take the attention away from your DM on her special birthday - which you will if you announce a baby. Tell her later. Then she will be thrilled.

Littlemisscatlover · 15/10/2024 23:21

Looks like I maybe going against the crowd here BUT I say it would make her day. It’s a special day for a special birthday, it would be the cherry on the cake for me. As a loving mom what could be nicer than hearing your youngest child is expecting a much wanted baby. I would make it inclusive for her though, perhaps get her to read something out and make the announcement without even realising at first? It would be a picture watching the realisation on her face. Congratulations on the baby and yes it’s a good idea xxx

Tangerinenets · 15/10/2024 23:27

Of course it’s ok. She’ll be thrilled . I think it’s only on mumsnet that anyone would be upset you announced this lovely news on “their” day. I know I’d be over the moon.

Tangerinenets · 15/10/2024 23:29

GreenShadow · 15/10/2024 12:51

I would love it if my DC announced this at my party!
Would make a great day even better.

Agree. People on Mumsnet are very weird ! They’re up there with the no one, but the bride, should wear white at a wedding crowd 😂

cassy16 · 15/10/2024 23:33

People saying to tell the mum first and see what she thinks of the announcement, I think that’s a terrible idea, she will absolutely say “yes” immediately pushing herself to one side as most mums do. Like it says it’s a milestone birthday she’s probably devoted her life to her family don’t steal her thunder let her have her own day and her own celebration