to be disappointed in this newborn present?

[mysticalgardens]

Friends of ours had their 1st baby a couple of months ago around the same time we had our 3rd baby.

Because it was their first child, I put great effort in buying them an amazing gift. I spent well over 100 pounds and put gifts in the box for the baby as well as the new mom and dad (think of nice tea, hot chocolate and soap and glory stuff for her)

I didn't expect them to reciprocate this, I know not everyone has the money available to spend so much time on a gift.

However, when they came over, she gave
me a bag from Shein. When I opened it it had the most disgusting plastic polyester smell. It contained a pink towel and a pink body suit for my baby girl that were made out of really cheap polyester material.

It smelled so bad that I threw it away after they had left.

My sister is due to have her 3rd child at the end of November. She already has a lot, but I bought her some nice socks, body suits and trousers for the baby from Asda (George). The stuff is really lovely and was inexpensive.

So I know that nice baby clothes don't have to cost a lot at all.

AIBU to be a bit disappointed that they made 0 effort when choosing their present?

I don't think you should get an inferior present just because it is your third child. If someone had just given me a lovely present I'd make sure I'd reciprocate in kind! If I couldn't afford to I would at least put some thought into it. Third child present you can still get nice bath stuff, something personalised or snacks and booze for parents.

Obviously not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Some people are just not great gift givers. When they have another kid you'll know to scale down a bit.

This.

You do realise that your very own sister/others might judge you for buying her baby stuff from Asda right?

It was a crap gift, but at least she tried to reciprocate.

Well I wouldn't blame her after all let's be honest it literally took no effort at all to chuck some baby bits in the trolley with the weekly shop.

The only way you could be reasonable annoyed by this would be if it was your first and their third baby. They're already two gifts into your reproductive efforts- no one can keep reasonably expecting lavish gifts for multiple kids!

She didn't receive a baby like present, she carried it and gave birth to it with great effort! That is usually acknowledged between family and friends as an even that deserves congratulations. The gift isn't for the mother it's for the baby, to welcome them to the world.

It's very normal that's hen someone has a baby there's a whip round at work and people buy gifts, if it's a friend you make her a little gift bag, something for the baby something for her as a congratulations.

How is it unusual to you that there should be gifts when a baby is born? It's basically a cultural norm.

Just because it's from shein doesn't mean they put 0 effort in. Perhaps they are strapped for cash and thought it looked nice. There are lots of things I think are vile for babies but they seem popular. just because I think something looks awful doesn't mean someone else agrees with me. I was given lots of things I thought were totally impractical, not my taste or the wrong size but I smiled politely, said thanks and donated to charity. Your making it a big deal when it doesn't have to be. Why stew on it? Either tell them and expect to lose a friendship or move on from it. Its been months already

For your benefit, let negative thinking go. Whoever bought this present had a baby 8 weeks ago, their first baby. They are probably exhausted and their mind is elsewhere. Maybe they don't have (or want to spend) money right now.

So much more going on in your life with a family and new baby to let this be an issue.

Yes, a very good point.

What about a lovely message or a phone call/visit.

What did they give for your first baby op?

MN never fails to remind you how petty people can be 😂

I see your point a little, as most people are upset when they make loads of effort with a friend and it isn't reciprocated. You put a lot of thought in and you don't think she did - which may mean you like her more than she likes you. Etc.

However, to go to the length of starting a thread about it seems a bit extreme. Especially as it's possible your friend might be on here as a new mom and might see this! Some of the details are a bit identifying......

And an awful lot of people put their kids in Shein - when it's so cheap and people have so little money, can you really judge them? Your post does sound pretty judgy, as if everyone is cheerfully wrapping their babies up in toxic shrouds.....

I assume that as long as you had washed it before use it would have been fine for your baby? (NB I am no expert, so if Shein clothing and similar can damage babies skin even after washing I am happy to stand corrected).

It was in fact my understanding that most of the clothes people buy in high street stores comes from the same places as Shein and Temu source their stock.....

In terms of environmental impact, surely you should have given the baby clothes to a charity shop? Binning them seems so wasteful. (Unless, as said above, they truly are dangerous even after washing).

It sounds like it could’ve been a nice present and probably looked like it was online but then it came and - ew. As others have said, I really don’t expect baby presents for anything past first one though. Most people gave me nothing for my second!

Do you think she meant well?

Like you OP, I am also a thoughtful gift giver! I noticed that some people in my life don't appreciate my efforts as well as not reciprocating. I don't mind the not reciprocating but I do mind my effort and time not being valued.

I learnt the hard lesson to only spent my time and energy on people who care for me.

YABU.
I don't think tea and soap are really an amazing gift, from my point of view it is bog standard or even low effort choice, the kind where money can buy you a generic ok gift.

I wouldn't enjoy Shein items either, but if she shops there for her own child, it is just something she considers nice, not an insult

Do you think Boots toiletries and tea bags are a thoughtful, high effort, high-time-investment gift?

It'x probably because no one give a fuck about someone's third child beyond giving congratulations and love to the couple.

They might really like the items they chose, just because you didn’t doesn’t mean they didn’t put effort into it. Like you say they might not have the money to spend.

Maybe your present wasn’t to their taste.

People show appreciation/how much they value another in different ways. You consider yourself a thoughtful gift giver. I show my appreciation and value by experiences. It isn't necessarily that people don't care for you because they don't put as much effort into gifts they just show it in a different way. Not only do I find buying people gifts a chore I'm not very fond of receiving them. Often when I can see people have put time and effort in I actually feel bad because I don't need anything they have got me and I don't like having things for the sake of it. I would rather they saved their money and we went out for a day trip together and just made some sort of memory.

Yes it sounds like a shit gift.

You know what I'm thinking? Someone gave this smelly plastic shit to your friend for her baby and she thought it was disgusting and didn't want to keep it so regifted it to the next person having a baby, which happened to be you.

That's better for everyone.
Some people thrive around gifts, but not everyone enjoys being compulsory grateful just because someone feels they put lots of effort in gifting them some tea and shower gel.

Shein clothes and George clothes are probably made in the same factory, if that makes you feel any better.

I think there is nothing that a cup of tea couldn't make better!

It doesn't matter whether it's what you would have wished for, clearly it has thought behind it. I always give the mum some hand lotion together with something for a baby because there is a lot of hand washing going on!

Also, to those who say it matters less for a 2nd or 3rd child, what are you thinking?!?!? All babies deserve to be welcomed into the world!!! If you're not sure what the baby might need, gift flowers or something! Being pregnant and giving birth is a massive deal even when it isn't your first baby!

Can you not remember how life changing that first baby is and how your life completely changes. I amazed she had any time or headspace to get your baby anything.