To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

I'd just ring and say you cannot get childcare so please cancel my scan. I imagine they'll tell you to take her

I’d just take your toddler OP. What if you organised a sitter but they were sick an hour before- you’d have no choice, it must happen. Of course they have the rule in place for completely understandable reasons, and you wouldn’t take them if you didn’t have another option- but I’m sure this must happen a lot, and I can’t believe they refuse to see all of those cases. I think if they start the scan and a child is walking round the room/being disruptive- they’d probably have to tell you they can’t carry out the scan and you’d have to leave- but if you know you can distract them with something, it’s worth a try.

Please do factor in that you could have a very long wait.

That's one of the things that both makes it hard to take the toddler (they'll be playing up a lot after a bored hour being kept quiet in the waiting-room) and to organise childcare (if you do, it might be sensible to book an extra couple of hours just in case).

They need to concentrate and a toddler in the room won't be ideal. Can they rearrange for a nursery day?

There were toddlers in the waiting room at all my growth scans. Really annoying when we’d gone out of our way to arrange childcare and double checked with the unit who said you definitely can’t. The reality is, some people do and they don’t stop you.

The waiting room is literally full of pregnant people. It’s not on the OP to be protecting other people from their grief in that scenario.

They have to concentrate on the scan? What if they miss an important detail because your toddler is whining?

You're the one who is being ridiculous and wasting professionals' time with your demands that sensible and proportionate rules shouldn't apply to you.

Hugs to you OP some people don’t appreciate how lucky they are, we don’t all have a huge friendship group or family on our doorstep! Might be worth asking on Facebook or any local mums, our babysitter used to work at my daughters nursery and will often have a day off in the week so has helped with midweek babysitting in the past.

I was in a similar situation during Covid, pregnant with my second and a SAHM to my first. My husband was deployed with the military and we had just moved to a small town & didn’t know many people as socialising was slow due to the lockdowns! The midwife was categorical about me not being able to bring my daughter in her pushchair to an appt, even though I literally had no one. I saw people get turned away for scans/appointments for the same reason. The absolute blessing was meeting a mum (socially distanced!) in the park whose daughter was a similar age and also pregnant with her second. We would arrange appts one after another and then have both toddlers in the car park and then swap! It was nuts. The midwife, despite working in a military town near a base with lots of military housing, was so unsympathetic! I get it was covid but even a bit of understanding would have helped.

Really hope you get somewhere, it’s frustrating and beyond your control!

So what’s your suggestion? She doesn’t get a growth scan she needs for her baby? Magically makes childcare appear?

I doubt it. She's already rung them to ask and they've confirmed no kids. There's no point on keeping asking them. No means no

Those are the options yes.

You have to either pay for childcare or get a friend to look after her. At my trust they refuse to scan you. They have said no and there are good reasons why they don't want toddlers there. Yabu

OP, is it a growth scan for iugr? Where in the uk are you? If Edinburgh I could bring my two year old and have her and him in hospital cafe for an hour. Totally get I am a randomer from the internet too though.

Just a thought, could you ask if your nursery could recommend anyone?

I would rearrange the appointment to when your family is back off holiday, rather than going all that way to get turned away. I have a child now but I found out one of my babies heart beat had stooped at one of my growth scans. This is why i fully understand children not being allowed. When things like that happen it's highly emotional and the staff have to talk to you about next steps etc. I wouldn't have wanted my child to see me in that state and it is awful for other women going through that to see children around the scan centre.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/new-right-for-fathers-and-partners-to-attend-antenatal-appointments

Your DH has the legal right to time off work to attend the appointment with you.

Is there someone who could come with you to the hospital and watch your toddler in the waiting room while you go in for your scan? I'm thinking a teenager or retired neighbour. You could ask on local social media.

It's easier than leaving a child with someone they don't know for 2 hours.

My mum is a receptionist in the ultrasound department at our local hospital. The same rule applies no children allowed and she also has to phone patients the day before their appointment to remind them of this. Doesn't stop people turning up with their partner and child anyway (sometimes with grandparents/aunts/uncles/full family and then they kick off that everyone isn't allowed in to watch the scan 🙄) but in cases where the woman literally has no childcare her boss will make an exception.

This really annoys me about hospitals. They’ve shown no flexibility at all, but it’s too far in advance to be able to get emergency dependant leave from work. Which you can’t use immediately when someone is working away anyway. No responsible childcare provider would take a child they’ve never met. And most relatives or friends will struggle to get work off at such late notice too. I’d be tempted to ring in the morning and say that your childcare is too unwell to take them or fell through, is it urgent enough that you can just bring them or can you rearrange? Maybe then they’ll budge on the 7 day requirement. Or can your husband speak to his union for support. Maybe there is something he can apply for. My husband’s work were more supportive than we expected when we needed extra appointments in my second pregnancy. Good luck OP! I’m sure you don’t need this additional stress from the hospital. I think they forget that patients are real people sometimes.

Your DH will just have to tell his work that he has to take 2hrs off, its for the safety of the baby. If you genuinely have no friends locally who can help.

But he's away with work. She's said. So taking 2 hours off would actually mean potentially 2 days off travelling back from the trip and back again. If the scan is in the middle of the week and he's far away he's potentially having to miss the entire trip to male it work. Which his employer isn't impressed with

Read OPs posts, he's away with work for the full week.

When you have very limited/no support from family or friends you really need to find a few paid local babysitters to have on hand for situations such as this or just so yourself and your DH can go out together. Check local news boards - a college student, a retired person, a person who does ad-hoc babysitting. Staff from nursery. A neighbour. Word of mouth.

He'll have to not then. He's entitled to attend appointments