To take my toddler to my growth scan? No childcare.

[alba146]

Hi everyone,

So I have a growth scan next week for baby. Normally my husband will stay with our toddler but he cannot get off work at all. Just one of those things- never happened before! We don't have much family. And the family/friends we do have are away on holiday. But as we all know, you can't take children to scans, I do understand but seems crazy in respect of single parents and people with no childcare etc.

I did try to rearrange, they said I need the scan in the 7 day period of the date and I have to have a consultant appointment on the same day also. the only other time would've been the same story so wouldn't have helped swapping.

So I thought, it's fine I'll just take her with me, she'll be okay I'll bring something to keep her entertained and her buggy. There genuinely isn't anything else I can do.

I asked the woman if this was okay, she just shut it down and said under no circumstances can she come. I explained and she wasn't budging, but then said she was unable to cancel the scan without approval from consultant as it's very necessary 😵‍💫 I do understand but she was so rude and I genuinely don't know what she wanted me to do (make Mary poppins appear spontaneously perhaps?).

So I am still at square one, scan still stands. I think my toddler would be fine (but again nothing I can do really if she is unsettled☹️).

So AIBU to just take her anyway and see how it goes? If they turn me away they turn me away. It really is ridiculous, I understand with older kids and the possibility of scans having upsetting findings etc. but for babies and toddlers I just don't know? Super stressed and it's made me even more nervous to have 2 under 3 ☹️ wish we had a bigger support network than we do ❤️‍🩹

Why any more bugs in that cresche rather than any other? The kids aren't ill

I really don't get why they are so strict about this, I remember as a child attending my Mum's US scans.

My eldest child was at all of my midwife appointments as I had a homebirth but she also attended any hospital appointments I had. It didn't occur to me that she may not be allowed, and the midwives never mentioned it as being a problem.

Anyway, tell the woman, you either are bringing toddler, or she cancels the appointment. You do not need permission to cancel an appointment. No aspect of maternity care in the UK is compulsory, you are free to cancel as you wish.

It's not that easy to magic up childcare, something many posters can't seem to comprehend.

It might be worth trying your nursery again on the day- if one of the other kids calls in sick or is on holiday they might be able to take your little one instead! I did this with mine once when I was really ill, DH was away and I was desperate!

Or a "yes, I can do that".

We have helped different neighbours and mums at the school run gates with last minute child care more than once. And dog care too.
People know we have 3 children ourselves (two left home for university) so maybe we seem safe to ask. And my husband has all the vetting as a teacher and I have first aid as a RN.

I'm a single mum with no friends or family,I have a 16 month old, for my 12 week scan 2 weeks ago I left her with a childminder, she did initially cry when I left her and ended up being there for 3 hours but she survived, needs must

This. It's selfish.

I hope you manage to work something out. I sympathise with you because good childcare is majorly hard to find. They won't want a child there because of people getting awful news and I don't think they would break that rule unless you were having a medical emergency right then. I am not making any judgement about what you should do, only you can weight up the risks of having the scan later, or leaving your child with a child carer you hardly know. However don't work on the assumption that if you've tried really hard to get childcare and so they will just have to let you bring your child. Work on the assumption that if you bring the child, you won't have the scan until they have another date available.

This.

I agree. People are always shitty about this on here.

It's not selfish. Yes, there may be women getting bad news, but they will also be faced with pregnant women, babies and toddlers from the moment they walk out the door. Just because they have had a loss, doesn't mean everyone else's life doesn't continue, I've suffered loss myself, and would never expect others to hide away so as not to trigger me, that's just ridiculous.

This - if you were in your husband's job, would you just not have the scan because work comes first? He has to take the couple of hours off if the scan is necessary for HIS and your baby because if he doesn't take the minimum time to look after his (and your) toddler the scan probably won't happen, exactly as if you didn't go yourself.

Midwife appointments' rules are as far as I understand different from doctor appointments' rules.
They were with my 3 pregnancies.

We got permission to bring our oldest to docyors' appointments in my last pregnancy. The midwives were always happy to let her join.

The consultants were NO WAY until they realised she was 16 yo and her future plan was to become a midwife. It was writen in my file she could atttend with my husband. Not on her own.
She did become a midwife - and loves her job.

Every child minder in my area is fully booked so that's not always an answer.

Anyway she was told no by the hospital.
Rules are only to be followed if we like them?

You can’t take children to growth scans. They’ll send OP home.

Haven't read all.of the comments but you seem to be getting a very hard time. For what it's worth I took my pretty newborn baby in a pram for some kind of ultrasound scan. I can't for the life or me remember what it was or why I had no one to come with me but the Nurse was epic and was literally rocking the pram with one hand whilst speaking to me and doing the scan. I wish I'd had the presence of mind to get her name and thank her through other channels, although she'd probably have got into trouble for breaching protocols. She totally got it though. The hospital/centre may or may not facilitate it but you've done what you can by turning up. Sorry,I forgot to check how old your child is before I posted, but if they'll sit still with a bag of snacks for a little bit you'll hopefully be fine and you'll get someone who realises that life doesn't always go as you'd like it to. I guess there is always a risk that the growth scan shows am issue and then you've got that to manage that as well as a young child, so I can see the concern from that point of view but what can you do really? Hope it goes well for you.

Why the fuck do they have this high horse about children at scans anyway? I've taken my toddlers to midwife appointments, smear tests, normal GP appointments, dentist appointments, consultant appointments in pregnancy, vaccinations, blood tests, everything. I'm not doing it because I think it's a jolly day out, but because I'm their carer. It's always been allowed. Why are sonographers suddenly rendered unable to do their job by the presence of a toddler when I've lain in the dentist chair literally with one on my lap and they've handled it fine?

And if the husband gets a disciplinary/loses his job for taking unauthorised absence, how do you expect him to look after HIS baby with no income?

I wish people would stop making it sound like childcare is so easy.

He is away with work for a week so not so easy to take " a couple of hours " off. Or did you not read the post?

My midwife used to meet me at the hospital to sit with my toddler while I had my scans. Unfortunately I was there every 2-4 weeks in the second half of my pregnancy.
Couldn't thank her enough for that!

Totally agree with this.

I don’t really get the big deal. I’ve taken mine and just kept her strapped in the pushchair with plenty of snacks. They ask you not to at my trust too but do seem to understand that’s not always possible and have always been fine with it on the day

Don't you know any of the other parents at the nursery? Even if you don't know them very well, if they're in the same room as your toddler then the children will know each other so that would ease your mind.

It's early days yet, but it really will be a help if you at least have some numbers of people you can call in an emergency. With 2 children and a husband who maybe can't easily take time off just knowing you can call a neighbour to step in would be helpful.

Does sound pretty perfect! I meant in a hospital situation though, I thought it wouldn’t be allowed.

When I was in this situation I asked in our local childcare FB group and found a woman who does babysitting on the side (works full time in a nursery). I paid for her to come round early to meet my son and within half an hour they were playing a game and I went off to the appointment with him cheerily waving goodbye. He had just turned three at the time.