AIBU to be anxious about partners new job

[Mum1361]

My partner of 3 years has a history of cheating online. After I had our DS I found out he’d been messaging and video calling women online throughout my pregnancy. We had therapy and tried to work through it. During this time I trawled through his internet history as I needed to know everything he’d done. I discovered he has a “type” of women he was interested in and interacting with, generally slim young women aged 18-22 with a “geeky” look. Since the cheating I’ve periodically checked his phone and found he also looks at these kind of women on social media and porn. We are 9 months on and he just got himself a job at a college where he is surrounded by women of the exact age and appearance he has been seeking out online. I am so anxious that he will cheat on me with someone he meets there. He says I’m being unreasonable, am I? I just feel if an 18 year old woman of his exact type comes onto him, it will be too much temptation for him to resist. I am 34 and can’t compete with an 18 year old in terms of physical appearance

It seems very unwise for him to be adding these girls to Instagram (even if it isn't banned by his employer) but they aren't his "friends" and it blurs boundaries in the workplace.

Also it is making your current relationship harder even if it isn't objectively "cheating"

He's a headline waiting to happen.

He’s destroyed your self confidence. Leave him to serving chips to the teens and comparing band T shirts and go enjoy your life.

Why are you believing all
his crap? so he works at a cafe near a college and has already chatted up girls and added them on SM?
I've never used a cafe and engaged with staff to the stent of adding on SM, he's seeking it out and probably getting a name as a total creep.
Just get rid of him!
but through therapy I was able to understand his viewpoint there's that justified cheating & being a creep?

So he's the one approaching them?! Clearly he's a creep OP. Deep down you know this.

Also re your negative feelings about your body - sounds to me like his comments about younger women have made you feel this way. Does he ever say nice things about you? If not, then he's not worth keeping.

You have a right to be anxious about your partner not his job. He's not only a cheater he fancies inappropriate girls (unless both of you are young and geeky). I don't understand why you would think he would change or why you would have a family with him.

There's no way to put this nicely but what were you thinking? I hope he's not abusive as well.

Why is he applying to jobs with young people OP. Ask yourself this very serious question.

Is this a college in the UK? Are some of these "women" who are just his type likely to actually be only 16 or 17?

I'm saddened you did not end the relationship a long time ago, you deserve better and it is no crime in any case to be single.

He's 36, you've been together 3 years, so he's had ample time to get with an 18 year old prior to your relationship. Chances are they aren't interested in him - not that it matters, clearly he'd be up for it if they were. You really need to raise the bar op. This man is no good for you - he is destroying your self-esteem, get rid of him before he robs you of every last bit of confidence.

He sounds like a predatory creep, like I said, a headline waiting to happen.

I’m not sure if any could be under 18 but I highly doubt it. There’s about 6 so far who have added him or he’s added them and he’s only been working there a few weeks. I’m so upset and hurt 😞 my mental health hasn’t been good after giving birth and then finding out about his cheating and I also had a very short maternity leave so I’m working full time and juggling being a mum to a 10 month old. I’m worried I won’t be able to cope with the upheaval of leaving

You can't trust him and with good reason firstly the online cheating and now adding these young women on Instagram. Has he suggested to any young men, middle age women or men ti Instagram after a brief meeting at work?? It is sleezy and not acceptable. You deserve better.

What is his job at the college that he has students adding him on Instagram? I'm a teacher and I'd say it's unprofessional that he has an Instagram account that students can access.

Why are you with this disgusting specimen? Are you that desperate for a man, any man, that you'll put up with this crap? He is wrong, not all men look at porn, not all men lust after 18 year olds and not all men discuss their porn habits with their partners. From what you say, his parents sound appalling too. I can say for certain he will never ever change. Get rid of him and be happier on your own.

Children can attend college in UK from age 14 upwards for vocational courses.

Are you not seeing how inappropriate his behaviour is?
He's actively chatting to these young women to get added on SM, if this is a week in, he'll not stop at that. He clearly has no boundaries or grasp of decent behaviour.
Probably. end up sacked for being a creep

So he's actively soliciting contact with them? You're not being unreasonable OP. He's a sleaze.

I just feel if an 18 year old woman of his exact type comes onto him, it will be too much temptation for him to resist

🤢🤢🤢Let’s rephrase that shall we. If he comes onto them, and they are too immature to resist.

Fuck me.

He should be asked for gross professional
misconduct immediately.

*Sacked

It would be considered grooming. If you are aware of it you should report it yourself.

Get rid of this waste of skin.

Exactly. I'm beginning to wonder what kind of therapy took place since the OP is persisting in minimising his responsibility.

Asking the wrong question. The guy needs to be gone

Dump this disgusting pervert.