My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

Well I’m 32 and never been in a serious relationship but I’m not lonely 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s not the be all and end all.

There have also been many boys along the way that I haven’t told my mum about!

What a nasty post, glad you found it funny though @lobeydosser.

@AD12345

OP is worried for her son as he’s not been in a relationship yet.
From comments on here it seems to be normal these days but 30 years ago it would have been a bit strange.

Honestly I think it’s really weird to be this over involved in your child’s relationship life. I am in my 50s and my parents wouldn’t have dreamed of inserting themselves into my dating life when I was 20 something. It was weird and overbearing to do that then and it is now.

I also think the unseemly haste to get young people coupled up is gross and very restrictive. In your 20s you should be seeking adventure and exploration not commitment.

Hi OP. I settled down at 27 - well, I met my husband and we started dated seriously before getting married five years later and having a family shortly after that.

Tbh, at 27 I'd not have started a serious relationship with someone in the military regardless of whether or not they had weekends off. I knew I was looking for my potential husband by this age as I definitely wanted to start a family in my early thirties, after years of getting to know someone before marrying them - and I certainly didn't want to be parenting and cleaning and cooking alone all week. I wonder if some women share that sentiment so his relationships are therefore quite casual and don't go beyond a few dates/possibly sex so this is why you wouldn't really hear about it. I'm close to my mum but she never heard about relationships until they got serious.

But I'm sure many won't share my view too so it'll happen. I also think 27 is young, for a man especially who doesn't have to think about their biological clock for many more years!

But of course there could be many more reasons.

It isn't unusual to be single! Have you never met or known any single people op? I know plenty of both sexes. You must live within a very tiny radius of people.

Gonna have to disagree with you there. Having a loving relationship isn't necessarily a part of being happy. A conventional relationship definitely wouldn't add to my happiness and I expect there are many other people who are similar 😊

No it isn't. I'm single and happy, I don't want a relationship.

People are allowed to want a relationship if that is what they feel will make them happy though.

Of course they are. But people seem to be assuming that a relationship is what other people need to make them happy.

My DH was a 27 year old virgin when I met him, he was very shy, had gone out with a few girls but nothing developed further. We’ve been together 20 years, very happy marriage. He’s amazing, just needed to find the right person. I wouldn’t worry about your son.

OP, there are no guarantees - even having a partner doesn't necessarily prevent loneliness.
Or, maybe he's just happy with his own company.
Or, again, maybe he'll suddenly decide at age 60 that wants to "settle down" with a partner.
Maybe he has a male partner already, but doesn't want to bring him home because he's worried that you will judge him?
OP, this man is not you - don't assume he wants the same things as you.
Ultimately, he's 27 - he's perfectly capable of organising his own life, however and whenever he likes.

They absolutely are but frantically funnelling your young adult children into seeking a committed relationship when they clearly aren’t ready or interested is just projection and not a good look.

Of course they are, but it's not up to other people to assume they will be lonely without one.

I have a friend who is 65. Known him for over 20 years and my DH knew him from his early 20s. Never known him to be in a romantic relationship. He's happy, has friends, likes to travel. Just not interested!
If your son is happy just let him be.

I'm assuming at least some of the posters children mentioned here want romantic relationships themselves too. It's normal to feel sad if you know your kids are struggling with something like this.

There's people who get on with online dating and people that don't in my experience.

I have two lovely DDs - 26 and 27 - and neither has been in a relationship, as far as I know.

A lot of men struggle to find anyone interested these days. There's way more men than women OLD, the average man is lucky to get a match. Then if he's not confident approaching women in person then he's probably not going to meet anyone because the onus is still on men to approach.

It’s not an issue, because it’s entirely her son’s business whether he wants a relationship or not and she doesn’t even know if he wants to meet anyone at the moment? Nobody owes their parents finding a partner. Being with someone romantically doesn’t even guarantee you won’t feel lonely, either.

I had only one partner in my 43 years. Between the ages of 22 and 26. Never been interested in finding love again. He was getting violent towards the end and being made redundant from the job at the time was the spur to end the relationship and move back to my parents 110 miles away.

My parents rather see me happy as a singleton than trapped in a relationship which makes me miserable and having suicide thoughts.

You don't need to feel lonely if single. Friends, hobbies can make singletons happy.

@OCDmama why on earth would you question a person's motives for joining up? I'm sure you'd have a different view if we needed the armed forces to protect our own shores. Where would we have been without our military force in WW2? I've never heard anything so ridiculous & disrespectful to those that have served 🙄
He's learned a trade, travelled to different countries, gets 6 weeks annual leave. He even competes in his sports for the RAF & doesn't have to use annual leave to do it.
Yes, being a military wife is very hard, & I wouldn't want any future grandchildren (if any come along) to be uprooted throughout their childhood because of parents being in the military.

I had a boyfriend from age 17-20, single for a year, another boyfriend for 6 months, single for a few months again before meeting my now ex husband. We were together until I was 33 and I've been single ever since (4 years ago).

Having a relationship at any point in time just means exactly that - it doesn't mean a couple will grow old together. And relationship experience isn't essential to find long term happiness with someone.

OP I don't have any answer, but my nephew is 24 and has never had a girlfriend.
He's quite shy but has a large circle of friends who he sees once a week, plus a boys holiday once a year.
Like you said about your son, many of my nephew's friends are settling down but I've never known him to have a girlfriend- or boyfriend - at all, although some of his friends are girls.

I met my husband at 27. Neither of us had been in relationships before. Together 61/2 years now and married for 1!

@Rycbar I first read that as 61 years 🙂