My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

My DH and I are both ex military, I was his second girlfriend at 26, because he just frankly wasn’t bothered!

Which base is he at? Some of them are in the middle of no where, and some are VERY male heavy, if it’s just a bunch of engineers so much harder to meet women.
As a woman in the military I had my pick 😂

Does he want a relationship? Of hes tried online dating he could be having causal dates with many women and not wanting to settle down as such with one he just might not disclose all this to you?

Try not to worry. He’s 27 not 37 so I don’t think particularly odd that he hasn’t had a long term relationship. He’s been on tinder actively looking for dates so you know it’s not too far from his mind.

You are describing my BIL. He is by no means lonely. He has a full social life, hobbies etc My husband has always said he has never known him in a relationship. I guess he has his flings, just no relationship. He isn´t worried for an instant about it. I think you are projecting.

As someone who was with an RAF guy for 7 years…it’s hard, it’s hard to find the right woman to support you being away all week etc. it’s hard to find someone who will understand it’s a years notice to leave. It’s hard to find someone who will be willing to move to live with you or it’s hard on the person in the forces buying a home they stay in for 8 nights a month etc. RAF guys aren’t shy, and I’ll bet he’s not telling you the women he does meet etc. I wouldn’t worry. A lot of my ex’s friends settles down near 30 etc and they started to plan to leave the forces or found someone happy to live near base. Leave him be honestly

@Onthecarpet2002 I have almost the same thing but 2 dss. One is a bit younger. I've had chats with eldest as he's very similar to your ds except he isn't shy. Youngest is a bit shy. Eldest doesn't live at home is
handsome ,likes women great job very intelligent,has lots of friends, travels. His friends have told him to try Tinder but like other peoples dcs he doesn't feel it's right somehow.

I chatted to him about it and said he doesn't have to fit in a box and not meeting someone is perfectly fine. All his friends have partners/wives. There's nothing wrong with being single.
Only problem is I know he'd like dcs.
Youngest is a bit shy but a lot better than he used to be with confidence.

No, it isn’t necessarily part of that @halfpastten - not for everyone.

OP, he sounds a great lad. I don’t think you can do much other than leave him to it.

your DS sounds lovely, He might be choosy (good for him).

@Magenta65

lot of my ex’s friends settles down near 30 etc and they started to plan to leave the forces or found someone happy to live near base.

You can't assume someone will leave at 30 or that you will move to base though.

Neither of those happened for us.

Maybe he has had girlfriends....he just hasn't told you about them because they weren't serious ones.

Sounds fine. He could be seeing women and having less serious relationships that he just doesn’t share. Maybe he’s not interested in anything serious just yet. He’s only in his 20s, a lot of men nowadays don’t settle until at least 30s.

The places where RAF bases are located are usually a bit isolated so that possibly isn't helping. But 27 is still young, there's plenty of time.

I am 25, and vast majority of my friends are in either casual relationships or single, and still flat share. I am engaged and about to buy a house with my DP, myself and a couple of others (who are married / in committed relationships) are the anomoly amongst our friends. Its pretty standard these days not to settle down until your 30s, but I can see why you are concerned.

FWIW, I never expected to settle down 'young', I have been with DP for two years and prior to that I never even had a casual relationship to speak of!

Also, my aunt has never been with anyone, she's 60 and has lead a very happy and content life. Loads of friends, good job etc.

This and also I wish it was acceptable to live like this as a female thirty years ago - I wouldn't mind at all!
😁

I remember feeling the same when my son was about the same age. A really good friend set me straight telling me that many youngsters’ relationships come unstuck after a few years and I shouldn’t want a relationship to stick with him if it’s not right. Only he can choose who is right for himself and whether or not he wants it to be forever.
I had to be patient. Very patient indeed and had just about given up hope when out of the blue, along came the most wonderful partner for him and DIL for us.
Don’t despair. He is living the life he wants and will change it when he’s good and ready. 27 is still very young these days.

Do you say the same on threads where women are saying they want to meet a man - men aren't responsible etc...

I think it's a bit tough out there. Dating apps aren't for everyone and there isn't the same culture about going out and meeting people as there was when I was young.
I don't think you can fix this for him though. He has to do this himself.

I never said they would do that. This is the situation I was in. His friends were all nearing their 12 years service near 30 etc so we’re leaving or had already set up home at a base. My partner was based 3 hours away but we bought in my home town. It’s hard. You have to find someone ready and willing to sacrifice where needed.

Surely you should o ly be worrying that's he's happy and healthy not whether he's dating or not.

He could be collecting Tinder/Grinder matches like Pokemon! Leave the lad too it, he'll find his own way :-)

@Magenta65 22 years is full service no?

The Internet has definitely changed human interaction for the worse.

I believe it is, from what I understand you sign up do your initial 2:3 years and then sign on for another 10 and so on. That takes most serving to their 30s and when most think of leaving

A friend of mine had very little in the way of relationships until he met the right woman in his mid 30s.

Not allowed to do that when your child is a male, apparently.

She mentions his friends are all settling down, so I think it is.