My son is almost 27 & never had a relationship, I worry he's going to end up lonely

[Onthecarpet2002]

Just this. I know some of you are going to say it's nothing to do with me but I think it's natural to worry about your ds. He's good looking & very fit, a nice lad but probably a bit shy. He's in the RAF & comes home most weekends as most of them do. He goes out occasionally at home but his friends are starting to settle down a bit & to the gym.
The only holiday he's had with mates this year is a RAF work trip to Cyprus where he had a few days free before he had to come back again.
There's so many ladies on munsnet asking where the good men are - there's one right here at the weekends! I know from a friends daughter that he's been on Tinder, obviously had no luck there. He seems happy enough with his life, says he is, but I don't know if deep down he might want a partner.
I do worry that as he gets older he's going to end up being a lonely man.

Not sure about that, boys definitely start puberty later. For girls it happens usually between 10 and 14. For boys, it's 12 to 16.

@Elsvieta Such a pleasant person aren't you 😃

I am not talking about physical changes if boys and girls but people excusing grown adult men of shitty behaviour because they “mature later”.

It’s all down to conditioning and how we raise boys and girls differently and allow men to be immature until much later.

Fostering a social circle just appears so much harder too these days (although by social circle has no single men nor do I ever meet single men in my social activities so that’s moot for me 😄)

How do you even meet somebody at the gym. I do my workout, get in and get out!

My own DP talk about meeting people in pubs but my experience has always been that you go to the pub in a group or as a couple. Maybe if someone in the group invites someone along you meet someone new. Otherwise you stay in the group.

I'm guessing people like the OPs son tend to have a group of friends that they see regularly if lucky but it's the same people.

I think men mature in their 30s and often find someone. I know a guy who never had a girlfriend then found the love of his life at 35. Until then he had shown no interest to the point people thought he was gay (which is a sad assumption in itself - why can’t someone be single without it being about them repressing something? And also homosexuality should not be repressed! Anyway I digress…) he’s happy and fine

I spent all my teenaged years standing at the edge of the dance floor looking on. Things never really took off for me till my mid twenties. The game changed then. Maybe he’s just a late bloomer. He sounds lovely.

I feel exactly the same about my ds who has just turned 27. I just want him to be happy!

@Dinosaurhearmeroar yes one of my friends thinks he might be gay, which is very presumptuous! Not that it would bother me, just as long as he's happy. He's not lonely now, but I worry for the future x

I have teen DDs and I think relationship expectations are changing. My oldest DD has decided that she doesn’t want to date unless she meets somebody, whom she gets to know well & and they can consider a future together. She simply does not want multiple partners in her life. She’s had interest from boys but has rejected all advances. My younger daughter is attracted to both sexes but not in a romantic sense so concentrates on building friendships. They’ve talked to me about their requirements for ‘emotional safety’. I really wish I’d had half their wherewithal! Maybe your son is just hanging out for ‘the one’ and doesn’t want to compromise …

I was brought up and lived in a military area (near Salisbury plain) until my early 20s. In my experience the military guys, both Army & RAF never had a shortage of girlfriends or admirers. Your son is probably playing the field at 27, I wouldn’t worry about him! I don’t ask and don’t expect any info on my kids love lives, if they are in a serious relationship I will know about it then.

Eh!? This is bizarre response

Maybe he just hasn't found anyone he wants to introduce to you yet or wants to put his career first. You said he's not home during the week and some weekends so he could be meeting up with someone then. I actually never had a serious relationship until I was in my late 20s as I was too busy traveling to settle down. People are settling down later and later now. I'm now in my 30s with two children and I'm happy I spent my 20s doing things I want to do and not stuck at home with kids.

You've totally missed the point. This is not a gender issue, it's a mother/child concern.

Hi op,

27 is young nowadays. Few decades back and he would already have been married for a few years.

👌🏼

What a nasty thing to say. OP never said that women are 'responsible for relieving male loneliness'. She's his mother, and like any loving mother, she cares about her DC, no matter what their age.

I know and understand what you are saying.

Number 2 son is 30 and in our Navy. He owns a home in our province. He's presentable, polite, and can hold a good conversation. Despite all the jokes, he's a sailor and straight.

He has had the worst luck with women. One wanted to get married after 3 months, he found out she'd over stayed her student visa and needed to get married to stay in the country.

The next one, she lived out of town, so he had a 50km commute each way to see her. She didn't like to drive at night. She also has MS, which wasn't an issue to him (his work health insurance is great). She wanted a financial report and proof that he owned his house! He decided that she was into him for what he could provide while he's at sea. Which he was fine with, until she wanted her name on the house title without any financial input. After they broke up, he decided to rent his house out, so that the family didn't have to look after it when it was empty. So he listed it with a property management company. She saw the listing and spend two weeks texting him and leaving him messages about how he was a scammer and didn't own the house because she saw it for rent!

His big brother is divorced. Married his high school girlfriend, together for over a decade, marriage lasted less than a year. Marriage wasn't what she expected was her excuse for leaving. They had lived together for over eight years before the wedding and bought a house. He was able to buy her out of the house but she left all her pets behind.

They both just want a partner that can manage to live with them and understand that due to their jobs they will be away for months at a time.

My job is in the wedding industry and i just want to tell you that a lot of the couples I work with don’t meet until they are over the age of 28/29 so he will most likely stumble upon someone who is right for him in the next couple of years, people aren’t marrying and having families until we’ll into their 30s now!

This is true, my 23 year old daughter has never had a boyfriend, and it’s the same for three other of her friends. It’s more common than we know.

@Onthecarpet2002 didn't say they were. It's normal for a mother to worry about her DS being lonely and wanting them to find someone to share their life with. That's a bit of a weird comment @offyoujollywelltrot

Let him be and pursue your own interests. Plenty of people settle down a bit later in 30s or 40s. It’s not up to you what he does in his adult life.

That isn't what @Onthecarpet2002 was doing though was it? I think most parents would like to see their child meet someone special to share their life with. It doesn't mean they are "frantically funneling" their children into seeking a relationship. Why would you criticise someone for worrying about their child?

Blah blah blah seriously @OCDmama why would you do this? A mother shares her worry about her son, regarding his future happiness, and all you've done is rant about the military and why someone should think twice before being with someone in the military. Then you refer to @Onthecarpet2002 's "jingoistic faux-patriotic Daily Mail soundbites" and using her brain. Not appropriate and so rude. Maybe instead of criticising others you could work on being a nicer person yourself.

Have two sons.

One, 31 who married at 29, no kids, enjoys people, one on one bond with wife.

Other, age 38, never gets lonely and has been married twice but divorced twice, no kids; older one prefers to be alone.

Depends on son and what makes him happy. Perhaps your son likes his single, military life, or IS, in fact dating but not telling you of each woman he sees; or perhaps he has someone in mind and is waiting for her...you never know with sons.

Both my dh and I were in military. Is best to be single in military for a while, find right person if he intends to stay in military; military isn't always easiest profession to find a wife who knows how to be happy being a military spouse.

Dating is very hard while in military, too, especially American Marine Corps like my dh: he was deployed overseas in hot spots, most of his career.

Absolutely! I expect that nearly all the deniers of mums rights to worry about their adult children - for any reason - either don't actually have children themselves, or that they (hopefully, for their child's sake) secretly agree, but think it looks more intelligent/strong/feminist to disagree. If they are actually reflecting their true beliefs then I feel very sorry for their children.

I am a female, feminist pensioner, who is reasonably intelligent. I also believe that the majority of intelligent Western men ar kind, caring, loving, and in search of a serious partner by the ages of 25 to 30. My DH definitey wanted to start having relationships by the time he was 16, but probably - mainly due to his divergence in his particular case - he didn't have his first girlfriend until he was 28. He met me when he was 37, and he got married to me when he was 41 and I was 34.

Our - now - adult children have had mixed "luck" themselves about finding a 'forever' partner. Two of them, with absolutely amazing and beautiful spouses, met them through online endeavours, one of which was from a group of like-minded people, and the other from one of the usual dating sites. I have other children and grandchildren, but to give any more information probably wouldn't be helpful, and would have more chances of this being outing.

@Onthecarpet2002 please just ignore the replies that obviously don't want to be supportive, those who appear to just want to be annoying and unpleasant...
💐💐💐