A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

I agree YANBU. However, I can totally imagine my DH doing the same, thinking “family” covers my contribution and being surprised that I didn’t agree. He isn’t mean and he absolutely values me. I think men can just be a bit dense literal with this stuff sometimes.

I wonder whether you might feel able to gently share with him that it hurt your feelings that his parents got a shout out but you didn’t, and it made you feel undervalued/overlooked?

It might flesh out where he stands with you, if you’re worrying about that.

I’d assume the response will be financial.

Do you think he's her bloody boss??

FFS

Read her posts. I can see who's put the most effort in

In my experience being selfless towards another person often results in being taken for granted. This applies to any type of relationship. Someone gets so used to being given to, they barely notice it after a while and you also barely notice what you're losing in return.

It takes an event like your husband's to get a jolt of reality. He's been extremely thoughtless and ungrateful and perhaps there's an element of other people's validation is more important to him, hence thanking people who obviously haven't given him as much as you. I feel pissed off on your behalf!

Time for a deep think about going forward. The other lesson I have learned is how difficult it is to reset boundaries once they become deeply entrenched.

Ah, Mumsnet cliché no.#
Cherchez la femme!
That would make him even more of an ungrateful, selfish dick.

Disgraceful either way!

I wouldn't be 'a bit sad' I'd let rip. I hope you do.

Sorry, what? I’m a SAHM. If I worked then like heck would I also be responsible for all the domestic tasks. My DH would be doing his share.

My being a SAHM is what we jointly decided was best for our family - it benefits both of us. I’d be furious if he thought it was him doing me a favour.

If he's thanking other people, he should thank you too.

It is a crappy response. Own it. You're wrong, quite simply.

@Nanny0gg

Obviously he is not her boss as such, but the role of any SAHP is to support the working parent and wider family as best as possible. That involves tasks like childcare, catering and cleaning.

It is a role that has to work for both parties, so I would expect both partners to have regular check-ins so the working parent can give feedback on the arrangement and how household tasks are being performed.

Ultimately if it is not working out, a discussion will need to be had about whether it is best to send the SAHP back to work full time.

He thanked his family while looking at his parents.

If I had been in the room, I would have wondered if he and his wife were divorcing or had already divorced.

I have been to a good few events like the one the OP attended, and have never once witnessed the guest of honour failing to mention the spouse - it is always done. "And last but not least, I invite you all to raise a glass to my dear wife/husband/partner of twenty years 'Soandso' without whom I would never be standing here today." Followed by the toast, and applause.

It's an enormous omission, and I guarantee eyebrows will have been raised and questions asked in cars on the way home. Very embarrassing for the OP, and her H embarrassed himself too.

If you are a SAHM, does he feel you are performing the role well? Do you have dinner on the table for him, washing all done, clothes ironed etc?

Never ceases to amaze me that in 2024 some people are still living in the 1950's.

I get that you feel overlooked OP.

I consider he made a terrible gaffe - poor form and bad manners - everyone in the room must have noticed he did not say ''Most of all I must thank my lovely wife etc....'' - his employer must be shocked.

Unless there's more to this, I don't think you're being let go, OP.

In our day to day lives I don't expect explicit thanks for my contribution BUT if my DH was handing out public thanks at 2 celebrations of his success, I would be hurt (and pissed off) if I didn't get a mention.

"Family" is just too broad brush in this context, especially as he was looking at his Mum while he said it. She only did 18 summers, you've done 30!

Find yourself again, OP and prioritise YOUR success, whatever that may look like. Fuck his thoughtlessness!

"Send her back to work full time"???? Are you actually for real?

Maybe you could draft her up a job description? What a load of utter hogwash. There is something seriously warped about this thought process!

It's a crappy response because it's a crappy response, not because someone disagreed with it.

If he thanked his family then that includes you, and tbh, it’s tedious when speeches list out all the different people someone is grateful to.

However if you are certain that he meant his parents, eg nodded in their direction of the room every time he said it, rather than your direction, then that is different.

I’d have stood up, said “You’re Welcome!” To him and stormed out… but that’s just me!

Is he a professor?

How many times does she have to say it was clear he meant his parents. Why would anyone think they know better. Good grief.

My IL were left shocked by funeral of friend who ran two really large in their town groups. The entire funeral speech her DH gave was about him and his trips with occasional mentions of two sons they had nothing about the groups.

Family were shocked so many turned out - they apparently had no idea how big her little groups were or how much she'd done.

The DIL and GC and lesser extent sons were really keen to talk and find out what she'd been up to for decades. IL said it was really odd - like she departmentalised her life or her DH was something else and she just stop talking about her life.

I don't know what worse being dumped when no longer needed or to be completely invisible to your other half and apparently secondary to their career and them even at your funeral.

There are so many shit responses here, it's shocking. Someone's left the gate open of the cunt farm again...

Yes as that happens. Employers act like middle aged housewives. Yup.

Didn't Andy Murray forget him dm in his acknowledgements?

Only you know if this is an error or a deliberate omission op.