A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

Yup… I’ve been there and it’s incredibly humiliating. I brought it up (which I also found humiliating) and then it happened again.. It’s one of many reasons I’m thinking of leaving.

LOL.

Yeah, OP. What do you need thanks for? He's paying you isn't he?!

OP so now it’s time to centre yourself for a bit - at least put yourself higher up the list of priorities. It ain’t over til it’s over - time for you now!

@Theonewhogotaway

It is a financial arrangement though. A SAHP only makes sense if they are saving the working parent money that would otherwise be spent on cleaning, catering etc.

I would feel hurt too.
Are your kids older now? Maybe it’s time to get back to work and build your own life back up.

What? So you only deserve thanks for supporting your husband if HE feels you've done a good job? I think her children are older and she's done all the hard work at home, neglected her own career and you only think of the 'standard' she's done it all at?

OP you are NOT being unreasonable. He has either deliberately left you out or he literally does not appreciate anything you do. I think you should consider letting HIM go!

You are a plonker. Hope this feedback is helpful for you.

As much as that post was clearly ludicrous, I’m not sure yours is more sensible. Of course someone would only thank you if they think you’ve done a good job, they are hardly going to do it if you’re a lazy bastard they pay for.

If I thank my family for anything I am meaning "my" family my husband and dc. He thanked his family which is you and his kids, possibly including his parents, you are assuming otherwise. He perhaps just caught his parents eye...it is a huge assumption to think otherwise.

Also you chose to stay at home with kids. You could have discussed how both your careers would progress in those early days. You had a choice to say I want to keep working how do we make it work.

Tbh it all sounds very martyrish. If you are otherwise not happy with the relationship and their are other issues with being dismissed then I can see why you might be having these assumptions, but on this one instance I don't see the issue.

Bottom line, there's no value in 'women's work'.

A woman looks after a family, cooks dinner, does laundry, wipes up children's tears, does homework, sorts shit out, etc etc and nauseum for 30 years.

He gets a job, gets promoted (facilitated by his wife) and gets a fucking GALA in his name.

What does the woman get.

NOWT.

Bloody heck. Op this poster knows better than you what happened and what he means. None of us are worthy.

Blimey...

Can the SAHP also chip in on whether Billy Big Balls is doing everything he possibly can to maximize income, including constantly looking out for new roles or promotions? Does he sometimes lie in for an extra ten minutes, the lazy sod, instead of being up and at em at 5:30am so he can get to the coalface nice and early? Has he had his teeth straightened and whitened? How is his halitosis and personal hygiene in general, and shouldn't he be doing something about that hairline and the little paunch, the budding moobs - it's important not to look like a washed-out has-been after all.

Gosh, the scope for nagging is endless...

I wonder if it didn't occur to him to thank you because he thinks of you and him as one unit/one team. He might think his promotion and success is your promotion and success. Team Platespinn!

God you have extrapolated a lot from two posts!!!

If you don't see the issue, that's on you!

If I were her, I'd start compiling some figures - childcare and/or nanny per annum X number of children X number of years, cleaner per annum X number of years, administrative assistant per annum X number of years, gardener per annum X number of years, and then produce an estimate of the salary she might have earned had she remained 100% as career oriented as he was allowed to be.
*
please don’t do this op, you don’t need to humiliate yourself an compare yourself to the hired help. And he will simply say how much he’s paid foe housing, food, bills etc.

^

Er, I'd do exactly this. It's not humiliating at all. She's treated like hired help. But not compensated/acknowledged!!

I agree with the 92% in the poll. He should have thanked you individually.

No. A SAHP makes sense if it saves extortionate childcare costs, is what the family feel best, means the WOHP can actually work and have a career.

Its not about saving money on cleaning and "catering"

Oh my actual god!

WTAF is wrong with you???

Who are you to declare how a SAHP "makes sense"?

Your contribution to this thread has been incessant nonsense!

You feel like you've supported him by picking up the slack with the house and children, whereas if you weren't there and he had those responsibilities he'd likely just have got a housekeeper and some sort of childcare.

He probably feels he's supported you by enabling you to stay home with the children.

@LaughingPig it's generally advised when in a hole to stop digging. PP's have been far more polite than what I'd like to say to you, but that would probably get me deleted, if not banned.🤬

Op, you are not unreasonable in thinking your DH should have mentioned you specifically 💐

-This doesn't even make sense if the OP does all the cooking, cleaning and childcare then surely she is keeping her end of the bargain and her DP would have no reason to feel he is supporting or subsidising her -- she is fully employed as his 24/7 home help and support human.
And if she worked outside the home why wouldn't she expect his help for tasks within the home? If both partners are employed then both are responsible for the domestic tasks.
Dinosaurs do still exist in the 21st century, it seems. Not for much longer, I hope.

You said there was more than one speech.

I’m wondering what his job role is to make such a grand event of his promotion or is he full of self importance?

I haven't forgiven him.

I wouldn't want a big do like that for my birthday anyway, it isn't my cup of tea at all.

I'm so sorry OP. You should have been at the top of the thank-you list. I wish I had some wise words for you, but my heart is breaking just thinking about how he could be so cruel 💔