A bit sad I wasn't mentioned individually for supporting DH's career

[PlateSpinn]

So DH has just had a notable promotion and a celebration.
I've been there for 30 years, the student years,the low pay, the working away, the chewing over projects. My career took a terrible hit at multiple times to support him and keep the whole kid and home circus on the road.
He thanked his family several.times, looking at his parents, named a few colleagues and that was it.
I'm beginning to feel a little publicly humiliated and suspecting I might be at the end point of being useful when youngest goes to Uni.

Would you thank a spouse or should I just feel family covers it?
YANBU thank your partner
YABU family covers it.

Any good ideas for 'ducks in a row' worst case, I'm being 'let go' shortly.

Time to get back on track OP. When you accept your awards remember to do the whole - I did it all on my own (Adele) style speech. What a stupid man.

Yes, this was stupid, and I think you need to own that, and to think about what you want out of life, and how to relearn how to prioritise yourself, your career and your needs, rather than hoping for some acknowledgement in your husband's. It was never your job to keep all the plates spinning. When you feel like you're going to drop a plate, throw it at the other person. Let them drop it.

Good grief, OP isn't his underling who has to keep to defined performance standards before she merits a bit of recognition by the man who promised to love and honour her. Next you'll be asking whether the children she produced were up to acceptable standards.

Yep, I agree with the person who says you need to get your life back on track.

@LaughingPig are you taking the piss?

Op, prioritise you and only you from now on.

He didn't mention specifically you and that is so hurtful and insulting.

If you are a SAHM, does he feel you are performing the role well? Do you have dinner on the table for him, washing all done, clothes ironed etc?
I can see how if he feels he is enabling you to stay at home and that role is not being carried out to a good standard, he may not wish to offer specific thanks

1824 has called and needs you back, @LaughingPig

Yes, I don’t generally use words like ‘dickish’ but will happily make an exception for that post.

Very normal to thank your wife/husband at this kind of ceremony and I can see why you were hurt. I was hurt when DH didn’t dedicate his first book to me after I did so much to support him getting it out. I think it’s fair to tell him how you feel and remind him of everything you’ve done for him.

😂

This isn't a serious post surely?
Are you going to suggest an annual appraisal next?

who arranged the celebration? what have you planned for him?

So now the OP is supposed to plan something to further fete him? For real?

@PlateSpinn I think whether or not you're bu depends on how you're feeling in the marriage more generally. Was this a one off expression of thoughtlessness or is it a pattern?

I do agree with PP that it's time for you to devote some time to figuring out how you want your own life to look.

OP, if it was impromptu then perhaps you can assume that you are encompassed within ‘family’.

If this was a planned speech at a special event - a big birthday? - then I think you are quite justified in being upset.

I have a notoriously tactless and self-centred family member and even they manage to pull out the thanks and give credit where it’s due on big speech-making occasions such as weddings and funerals.

Hang on in there for your eulogy, OP - perhaps he will appreciate you at last?!

Wow. I’m sorry, OP. I cannot imagine giving any kind of speech about anything in my life and not mentioning and thanking DH many times, because he’s my other half, I wouldn’t be doing any of the stuff I’m doing now if it weren’t for him and he’s intertwined with every part of me and my life. I understand how hurt you must feel. It’s the fact that you weren’t at the forefront of his mind. I don’t think that makes you selfish or anything.

I don't blame you for being hurt, I absolutely would expect some recognition.

But in my case, I'd see this as DH being thoughtless and I'd be a bit annoyed and hurt and expect an apology and then we'd move on. You're going straight to divorce. Is this the final straw in a long list of minor but constant ways in which you feel undermined and underappreciated?

Time to start putting yourself first. Sorry he’s been a selfish arse. You live and learn.

it wasn't stupid. Prioritising the well being of children you brought into the world isn't stupid. Nor is the help you give to your parents as they age. Or finding that an excessive commute is too much. Being uncaring of those around you, and yourself, in the name of a high flying career shouldn't be the aim in life. Your husband has been selfish in many aspects of his life, and that is rubbish, but that shouldn't be the gold stand and what you should have done. Maybe he should have been more like you.

Then go back into it!
You've only stopped a year, you can go back.

Tell him now it’s your turn. Prioritise yourself and let HIM sort things out at home, just like he has done with you.

Not in a ‘im getting back at you’.
But you have a teen, not a toddler. They can look after themselves much more.
And now is time that you treat yourself with the same respect and consideration you’ve treated everyone else.

And yes he was shit.

You're a bloke we take it?
If not you're a disgrace.

Tbh, I honestly wouldn't be too fussed, provided he is a good person in every sense, who genuinely DOES appreciate everything you do/have done. If he supports you, builds you up, appreciates your efforts and is one of the good guys, then I might say that I'm pissed off about the speech, but then let it go.

These speeches are generally aimed at the company/industry people, and maybe he thought 'family' did the job, particularly as he mentioned 'family' several times. He possibly assumed everyone would know it meant you. What did he say about it? Obviously is he's an unappreciative arsehole, then makes your plans.

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me, if it was a thoughtless ball drop from a good person.

Unless he's an MP. Different advice applies for that one

@SummaLuvin who says that the OP should give her life and her dreams to others?
Yes they are all worthy things to do.
But they’re not MORE worthy than having a life doing what you enjoy, getting rewards for the hard work you put in, self esteem etc….

If one choses to look after the dcs, parents, become a carer because they WANT TO. Great.
When it’s imposed, and esp when it’s imposed by a partner who takes you for granted and sees themselves above you? Nope, it’s not.

You might want to read the OP again.
It seems you’ve missed the bit about her working and her career stalling due to supporting HIM.

Ofc it’s easier to automatically jump to the easiest way to hit the OP with - you’re a leech who lives from his hard work. You should be grateful instead.

And thats wo even going into the fa pct your argument is shit.

I’d be as hurt as you are. He showed no appreciation for your support over decades. Awful.

As for the pedants saying you’re included in “family”, normal people doing a speech like say they want to thank their wife and family.

Time to start putting yourself first OP, whatever that looks and feels like. He’s not worth anymore sacrifices.

He must have a bloody good job to hold a celebration event for a promotion!

That was my thinking on it!

Beyond that, I'd also be annoyed OP, like really peeved.

🤣🤣🤣 This is hilarious. SAHM mums don't have to cook their husband's meals or iron their shirts any more. It's 2024!
"Does he feel like you're performing the role well?" 🤣🤣 Oooh, I needed a good laugh today. Thank you.