MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

Well said.

I would consider my partner and I good parents (and good people) but we got something terribly wrong in the first few days after my son came home from hospital. If we hadn't spoken to a midwife lord knows what might have happened.

It’s not about being judged over feeding. It’s about disregarding advice from well researched scientists about long term gut health for your child. Many things are parents choice, many others are solid scientifically researched facts published for your child’s best interests. No health professional is out to make parent life harder, or make you get less sleep, they just want the best for you baby.

I get you. My parents live in my home country. My husband's parents in his. And we are both foreigners where we live.
I got sick from my little one this year, he was sick for a week and fine after one round of antibiotics. I got sick in between being awake with him at nights, him having 39.2°C. I got my antibiotics, one week better, next week worse, another round. 2 inhalers I was prescribed, I was coughing so much I was throwing up. It took me a month to heal. And it happened just when my husband went home for the whole month. So we were both sick and alone. Luckily my neighbour and a good friend helped me with food and medicine shopping. I have nobody around but friends I made since I moved here. And I feel very lucky. I'm grateful regardless.
And just to add-he just turned 2 at the time and he's never still, can climb to anything, talking lots and want entertainment and all I needed was to have an hour of sleep. But you're a parent, so...
Dear OP- get real!

You sound completely entitled and thought that because there are a lot of complaints about MILs on mumsnet , you would put your two bobs worth in . Only in this case you are not justified . I hope you appreciate what they do for you both . You sound jealous of their other dgc . Even to mention how you have to drop your child off seems like you are doing them a favour. Change your attitude. Believe me, you’ve got a lot to learn .

You're the parent, look after your baby!

People won't have as much opportunity to judge you OP if you actually parent your child and by that meaning taking care of them when they are sick. Should have been the first consideration when deciding on having a child, if you can't afford time off to look after them when they are sick. Like others said, if your child is sick you shouldn't really be sending them to grandparents to get them sick anyway and having the audacity to complain about your step MIL who is regularly doing you a favour.

Your tone of voice also when you say MIL wanted to spend some quality time with her own biological grandchild. Oh goodness. Why should she prioritise your sick child over her biological grandchild time when you obviously rate your kid second best to your work? Entitlement is off the charts here. They say sons marry their mothers so looking forward to having a DIL like how you treat others.

She might be worried additional it's flu or covid or something as it's seasonal and children typically just get cold symptoms. She's elderly, it would most likely be worse for her and grandad 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Milkmani8 "True but when you give birth to an almost 11 pounder and they are relentlessly hungry you are often advised to wean early."

Advised by who? Presumably not HCPs....

MIL strikes again? By not wanting your poorly child overnight? Of course the poorly child should have stayed home and not the healthy one. You come across as so entitled, would you be able to work if someone didn't look after your child for free overnight and drive them back to you?

My kid has a cold all bloody winter - he doesnt feel ill his nose just runs and he coughs. If the arrangement was to care for your child she should cancel the other one, not yours! Can’t believe so many ppl think youre unreasonable here! However they are right in saying MIL can do what she likes as she isnt paid & is doing you a favour!

Sorry, I wanted to be nice to you in my previous post, but every comment you make it's showing how arrogant you are. I'm not commenting on your weaning and sleeping decisions, but 'You will take on board, that you will need to take time off work!' Did you fall from the Moon? Is this your baby or your step mil's? When did it hit your head that you should take time off when your baby's sick??? After your mil told your, or after hundreds of mother here telling you how unbelievebly poor judgment of the situation you have? What a mother need to be told, she should take time off for her sick child, because it didn't even occur into her head to do so?
I wouldn't judge you if you come here saying: I tried everything, but they told me at work I can not take my day off and my husband can not either. I can not get another child care, so I had to ask my mil. And I know she will have to cancel her own GC for that as I don't want the baby to get sick. I feel so bad about it. What to do?'
But you are full of yourself. Your lack of empathy is amazing. Hope your child won't turn out like you.

Your baby should t be at your mother in laws or with your nephew/niece when sick. You sound unbelievably entitled. Take (paid or unpaid) time off work like all other parents do when their (hideously expensively paid) childcare won't take their sick kids

OP says they have relied on GPs more this month because of work so it’s not exactly a prior arrangement if they’re having the DC more than arranged is it? OP just sounds entitled expecting GPs to look after her sick child and put off having their other GC because she doesn’t want to take the time off work to look after them

It’s all already been said quite eloquently BUT you are choosing not to hear OP.
So you still decided to absolve yourself of your responsibilities and send your sick child to someone else regardless of being told time and time again that’s not right on this forum.
Even then your attitude is not one of gratitude towards your PIL - not a single acknowledgement.
You then go on to say you will not be questioned in the manner of an entitled, spoilt child. I feel so, so sorry for your kind, helpful mother in law having you to deal with.

This is awful. I just don't even know where to start!

The title. 🙄🙄

The "we have to drop him off and then they drive him back". Too right you should drop him off. You should pick him up too. Not only are they having an infant overnight regularly (you said they've done this a few times this month!!) they are then driving forty minutes to yours and forty minutes back to theirs again every time the next morning!!!!

And you are snarky about her and have zero gratitude for what a HUGE thing she's doing for you. 😢😡 I really feel for her.

I also feel sad for your 10 month old who was absolutely full of cold, and sent away overnight when one of you should have stayed home with them.

Also, if you don't want to be judged about decisions that statistically put your baby at risk, you need to be self sufficient. Not rely on overnight family care that probably know about your decisions as you expect them to carry them out too when you're not there. If I had a relative ask me to feed their four month old solids and put them in a separate room I'd be vocal about it too. 🙄

You need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

And is not even her son or GC! She's a step mom! The OP didn't say anything about her actual MIL, so we don't know if she's around/still here in the first place. So poor step MIL to deal with this!

Your child is unwell so should be at home and either you or your partner need to take time off work. When you have children they should come first. Your MIL is doing you a favour looking after them when they are well, she is quite right to refuse being lumbered with a sick child that could pass the illness on to the child. I think your attitude is wrong, you don't seem to appreciate the help you get. Your child, your problem!

On this occasion you’re in the wrong. They’re doing you a favour, she’s right to be concerned about her grandchildren becoming unwell. You sound selfish and entitled ! And to say mother in law strikes again, you to check yourself. You chose to have this child, your child is your responsibility. Frankly I think you and your husband are disgraceful considering sending an unwell baby elsewhere.

so maybe take responsibility for your child and look after your own child. Not once did anyone look after my children I had to suck it up as that’s what being a parent is.

The audacity of the title of your op! Your poor MIL.

And the older they get, the more likely your in-laws are to pick up illnesses too. Therefore they could end up being unwell too.

It's also incredibly tiring looking after kids when you're older.

You're being extremely unfair!

Im going to go against the grain here and say FIL's wife is being unreasonable.

It's normal to send a child with a cold to nursery, otherwise they'd never be there! So why not grandparents? It is a bit frustrating of them to cancel on you for this reason.

I wonder if there is prioritisation of the baby MIL is actually related to, but that's just a suspicion on my part.

Unfortunately not much you can do, whether or not they are being unreasonable, as they are doing you a favour at the end of the day.

I disagree. Why spread the virus to another household by giving the kid to the grandparents? No one is keen on being sick. Would you encourage a playdate with someone's sick child? I don't want to get sick or see my kid suffer unnecessarily.

But most importantly, when a child is sick all they want is their parents and most likely their mother. At 10 months with a cold, the poor thing might have sore throat and wants nothing more than comfort of his mother and probably breastfeed.

I find your posts staggering @againanothernamechange. And the level of entitlement, self absorption and meanness is shocking quite frankly.

I doubt you will, but with kindness, please use this thread as an opportunity to do some soul searching and perhaps explore the idea of doing some therapy that can help with personal growth. Your thought processes are not normal and you are only concerned about yourself. Everyone else seems to be a pawn that you can move around or use to your own advantage. The fact you would send an ill child to nursery (using the staff/putting other children at risk) and then exploiting and manipulating your step mother in law (the one who strikes again according to your title! 🙄) and being so vile about her wishing to see her own blood grandchild says an awful lot about you and your desire to always put your own needs first. I am also assuming that you don’t show any gratitude to your FIL and SMIL either given the disdain you’ve shown in the thread?

'AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC' .......... being precious??? I am sure if it was the other child with a cold you would be posting on here to say how unreasonable MIL is for putting your DC at risk of catching a cold from the other GC. you are VVU

It's not even her dad. It's her father in law.