MIL strikes again

[againanothernamechange]

DP and I have a 10 month old, we live a 40 min drive from his dads house, we have an agreement in place that once a month for childcare reasons his dad and step mum will have GC. we have to drop GC off, he stays overnight and then GP's will drop him back home after work the following day. I admit, this month we've had to ask them to have him on a couple more occasions than usual because of mine the DP's work.

GC is due to go today, he's been off colour all week, and is now full of cold but MIL (its easier to call her that) is questioning if he's well enough for the visit! she says that she had planned for her own DD's child to be there 'for quality time apparently!!' (theres a 6 month difference), but if our son is poorly, she will have to cancel this as its not fair to pass any germs on!!!

I simply can't take time off work, nor can my DP and its just a cold!

AIBU by sending GC or YANBU.. its just a cold and she's being precious about the other GC

I expected to be siding with the OP about her horrid MIL… the reality is I feel dreadfully sorry for the in-laws and think the OP is selfish and entitled.

Not everyone wants to catch your child’s germs… and why is your child more important than time with her other grandchild?
You are being so unbelievably unreasonable, but you strike me as someone who either doesn’t care, or think the world revolves around you and yours so no doubt you will pay no attention to the hundreds of posters telling you how unreasonable you are being.

Did she have to cancel having her own grandchild over just to stop you from having a tantrum? I don’t usually side with the MIL but you are being really entitled and bratty. I would go nuts if I’d arranged for my child to spend one on one time with their grandma and then another child with a cold came to share their germs. Your selfishness meant that either a) MIL had to cancel seeing her own grandchild or b) you’ve spread a cold to your dad and MIL, her grandchild and their family. Just because you’re too tight to pay for professional childcare. And you had the audacity to pop off at your MIL for it!

I am so glad you’re not my daughter in law OP you sound extremely selfish and not a nice person at all.

Gosh you sound awful!

She isn't even her partners mother, she is his stepmother. Why should she cancel her own grandchild to care for a sick child.

A nursery or a childminder wouldn't have them if they're sick, so the GPs shouldn't either.

Baby needs to be comfortable, at home.

I completely understand the frustration, OP. It's hard being a working parent.

If there wouldn't be her granddaughter/son, then I would understand you still ask for that. But you need to understand that nobody wants a child to catch a cold. After Covid things got worse, even the cold is not necessarily just a cold and it's very annoying for a child to catch it and for the person who's taking care for him. I don't know how well you get along with your MIL in general, but this time she's right. I think you must find a way to take time off for your sick child, it's a sacrifice parents need to do.

wow
somyou moaned about her … yet she cancelled her own grandchild’s visit so she could help you out and look after a child that isn’t technically even her GC? She sounds good to me!
and honestly people do question EVERY thing you do with your kids… you need to get a thicker skin because honestly it gets harder as they get older

That's actually really nice of her to say, but you shouldn't take your DC. Your in-laws might get sick and that's not fair.

My mother regularly stays with us, but I've stopped her coming this week because the children are full of cold and I don't want her to catch it. She isn't very elderly, but it would still hit her hard. I also wouldn't take them to my in-laws either.

Do you think maybe this irritated you more than it should have because your relationship is already fraught? I'm sure your MIL isn't judging you, but it can feel like that when people question your decisions about your child. They usually only mean well though.

I hope the responses to your post haven't upset you. I'm sure you're not selfish, it was just a reaction to a difficult situation and a relationship which is already difficult. I hope your little one is better soon.

OP I hope this thread makes you realise that you're lucky to have your step MIL who provides free childcare. She is under no obligation to do so. You seem extremely entitled and ungrateful versus this woman. I hope this thread is a wake up call to start appreciating all the help you get and SHOW HER YOUR APPRECIATION.

YABU. They already have your DC overnight to help you out so why shouldn’t they spend time alone with their other grandchild? If your DC is unwell I 100% guarantee you all they will want is you or your DP and not their grandparents. You are also BU to expect them to have him when he has a cold and risk passing it to them or the other grandchild. Just have a day off work or WFH

You are being very very unreasonable towards your mil and taking her for granted.
Your child is ill, take the day off!

Wait the kid is 10 months old?! And is not 100% and you’re shipping them off? Wow that is questionable parenting. I didn’t leave mine overnight till they were 3 let alone not feeling great. They’re a baby!!!!

It's not a case of being judged, it is a case of being so selfish that you have put your dad and step mum out by making them rearrange a playdate with the other grandchild. Apart from that you have put them both at risk of getting the cold and depending on their health and age could be seriously ill.
You sound like such a high maintenance spoiled brat.
I would love to know what your in laws think of you, especially as you took thier childcare away from them.
Not to mention your child was ill and you or your partner should have taken time to actually be there for them.

My husband and I both hold senior positions, have no grandparents to save us money (you are massivly taking the piss there by the way) but we take the time to care for and cuddle our babies when they need us.
It sounds like it is time you grew up and think of other people for a change.

I've only read OP's posts so this has probably been mentioned but I'm nearly positive her step MIL posted her a couple of weeks ago.

You are being unreasonable. Germs are very quick to spread from children, not to mention how an older person would handle a simple cold differently to that of a child. I remember my son having a sniffle with a slight temp when he was about 18 months old. I kept him off nursery as he wasn’t well and didn’t want it passing to his nursery friends or staff. It’s just polite and kids want their parents when they are under the weather. My mum and MIL came round for cuddles against my wishes and whatever they caught from my son floored them both for weeks. Son was over it in 48hrs but they didn’t fair the same at all.

You are being a selfish a-hole, thinking only of yourself. And when the cousin gets sick, which he/she inevitably will, what then. What if that child's parents simply can't take leave either? It's people like you who give parents a bad name.

Tbh I think the responses are quite harsh! If you have a pre arranged agreement that they provide childcare for you and DH to work, then they should stick to what they've agreed. If the other GC was coming just for a play date I wouldn't have thought it's as much as a priority as the prior commitment they've made so that you can work, and can easily be rearranged if it was a social plan rather than a regular commitment for parents to provide for their family.
For a common cold I wouldn't expect to cancel - maybe if it was something more than that then yes, they need their parents. And obviously it depends if they are vulnerable and don't want to catch it themselves, which is understandable.
But then I'm speaking from someone who's parents often help out if my DC are unwell and off nursery so for me it seems odd that they want to cancel because of a cold.
Bad temperature or sickness bug etc obviously totally different but a cold? They get them every other week!

Probably an unpopular opinion though 😂

Yes, which is why I said 'I'm aware that some GPs recommend early weaning in some instances.'

I suspect the parents I have seen feeding their small babies (who can barely hold their heads up) pouches in public aren't the same ones who are seeking advice from their GP on weaning.

This is very much the downside to having family help with childcare. Although you have someone who loves them providing support they usually believe that it gives them the right to an opinion & to be very vocal about it.
At the end of the day the parents are the experts on their child.

The title suggests she has done something wrong but she sounds like she has done nothing wrong and you sound entitled.

i won't be judged on how i decide to feed my baby nor will i be judged on where my baby sleeps

If you go against expert guidelines, then of course you'll be judged. When I had my children the guidelines were to wean at 3/4 months, and although there were no problems, I know that guidance has changed, so would be surprised that a new mother would choose to totally ignore current guidance. It's usually the other way round where the older generation tell parents to feed a baby solids early, because that's what they did, so it's good that MIL is up to date.

I think they would do too, but they already arranged for another grandchild to come and d they don't want them to get sick. Which is very reasonable.

That's simply not true. If it were every child would be given the optimum upbringing. When in reality far too many are harmed by the poor and irresponsible choices of parents who either think they know it all or don't care. Sometimes it's only grandparents and other caring adults 'being very vocal' that stands between a child and parental harm and neglect. I'm not saying that's the case here, but to suggest the act of giving birth creates expertise, yet those who gave birth to the previous generation have no right to speak about the welfare of a child they love is wrong.

She's right to question your poor parenting decisions. Starting your baby on solids at 4 months old is not ok, you could have caused long-term gut damage. Babies feed a lot more at 4 months as there is a massive growth spurt, so he just needed more milk, not arsenic filled baby rice. As for putting him in his own room so young, that's also a poor decision. Perhaps you should listen to her instead of thinking you know better, when you clearly don't. As for the post, you sound entitled and again, a poor decision maker.