to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours

[ForZanyMember]

DD 15 wonderful in many ways I guess however some of her lifestyle habits concern me a little.

I understand we are all unique. She is nothing like I was at her age which of course is not a bad thing however I do worry that everything is okay. She is quiet by nature and probably the opposite to typical 15 year old girl in that she has zero interest in shopping, clothes, girly things, boys, makeup e.t.c. for me she actually spends an UNHEALTHY amount of time studying/doing homework. Along with this she has what I would say are quite unusual interests for a 15 year old girl. She is obsessed with certain topics such as biology, history and geography. She watches documentaries on these topics on a daily basis in her room with a notepad taking notes. She is also really into what I can only describe as strange programs that involve midwifery/nursing/human biology/baby making/ all things to do pregnancy. She also watches documentaries on deprived areas and troubled youths.

Maybe I'm overthinking things but I just really don't understand where these interests come from and why she spends so much of her time studying these topics. I am just a little concerned that's all. I would image most 15 year old girls spend their time out with their friends and stuff doing teenage activities.

Being a nerd doesnt make you autistic ffs.

I couldn't have been further away from what OP describes as 'typical girl' things, and am absolutely not autistic and just love learning about things and studying new topics. Being intelligent or having an interest in science doesnt make you ND. Christ.

If her child was a boy you, and op, wouldn't be batting an eyelid.

Is she pregnant and trying to figure out what life will be like for her and the child if you kick them out to live in poverty?

I had a mixed friendship group at that age. I probably was closer to one girl but I had a lot of male friends too. I actually think that’s better as an all girl friendship group can be quite bitchy. I wouldn’t see this as being that unusual.
My DD is very studious and that doesn’t concern me, I feel lucky.
She is however into mindless Netflix dramas & is very influenced in terms of clothes & make up by what’s being pushed on TikTok so perhaps more of a typical teen than your DD.
Some of the things she watches do sound a little unusual. Have you asked her about it?

OP thats not the norm at all. Most kids these days and tbh, most of the time, have a solid mix of boys and girls in their close friend groups. I'd be worried if she just had all girls as close friends.

Your thread title is literally: “to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours”

You think her interests are odd. That’s implying that she is weird.

It’s concerning that you even think he interests are odd. And the you find it strange that she is in a mixed friendship group rather than ‘all girls’ who go shopping for fashion and makeup.

How exactly have we got “the wrong end of the stick?”

Hmmm, 'only dead fish go with the flow' - just be thankful that your lovely sounding daughter is not a dead fish and has the CONFIDENCE to be herself, not follow the herd or allow herself to be pressured by others into conforming to what THEY want, has a lively, enquiring mind, is clearly academic and will probably achieve much in life...

OP, your daughter sounds absolutely wonderful. There is nothing wrong with studying, watching documentaries, having opinions and interests or being friends with the opposite sex.

You seem to hold very stereotypical views of teenage girls which are actually quite insulting and do nothing for encouraging equality of the sexes.

A lot of stereotypes in your posts, OP.

Not every girl is into superficial stuff like make-up or shopping....that doe not make someone 'odd'.

It is bizarre as well that you expect her to justify the fact that she has her own interests and personalty.

Frankly she sounds like a smart teen with a mind of her own, while you come across as a bit, well, dim.

Stop trying to make your daughter into someone she is not.

No she not pregnant.

No I haven't asked her. I don't want to come across as judgemental that I'm judging her

None of that is odd? Like everyone, all teens are different. They like different things. When I was a teenager my passions were military history, 21st century Europe and sociology. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that it's very normal and healthy for teenagers to explore the world in more detail at this age and start to dive deeper into different interests, picking up more as they discover them. Would you prefer she was out smoking behind bike sheds and chugging cheap vodka in the park?

I didn’t really mean have you asked her why she watches those programmes but more could you have a discussion where she tells you about something she’s watched. Doing this might help you to understand her & her likes more. There must be reason she chooses to watch the programme and she might explain that if you are having a general chat about it. For example, it could be linked to a career she wants to go into. Both my DC have career ideas and they haven’t taken any secondary exams yet. They may not end up doing that but they have hopes and plans (that are a mixture of realistic and unrealistic!).

the bottom line is if she wants to study and seems happy then shes happy etc at least thats how id interpret it

Another thing about being 15 is that the world is your oyster! You can be anyone you want to be. There are almost no limits at that age - at least it feels that way. I remember that feeling. So exciting and hopeful! She might just be exploring the nursing/midwifery thing as it's something that really interests her and she's wondering if she might like to do it as a job one day. Teens explore things, it's so healthy and normal. I can't believe you're worried about this.

As for having male and female friends - again, so?! I also did at this age, and still do!

It sounds like you've got your idea about what a 15 year old girl should be like from a cheerleader in an American teen high school movie and you're panicking because she's a normal human instead.

Why do you keep calling your daughter odd? What’s wrong with having male friends?
I honestly don't see why you are worried?! She sounds fantastic

What about what she's doing makes you think she's unhappy? She has friends, she's interested in lots of things, she clearly has an aptitude for learning and is doing well at school.

What are the specific red flags that are giving you concern? Because an interest in biology and having male friends as well as female are not red flags. She sounds like a well rounded young woman unless there's something else you're not telling us.

Leave the poor girl alone! I love learning about history! Watched Time Team with my mum, The World at War by myself and did GCSE history. At 15 I was holed up in my room listening to Evanescence on repeat and writing some frankly quite disturbing poetry.

You literally use the words “weird”, “strange” and “odd” to describe her interests and behaviours. We aren’t getting this from nowhere.

WHAT IS YOUR ACTUAL PROBLEM?!

Genuinely?

I'm not sure she's the odd one here.

A lot of people would love a child like this. They'll go far

I think you are right to be a bit concerned. It looks like your DD is obsessed with some sort of ideas so I personally would like to know what they are. They might be right and amazing ideas but as a parent you want to know. You don’t want her to pack suddenly for Africa at 16. ( at least I wouldn’t)
Also maybe she struggles a bit with social side of life and as a result she hasn’t invited to parties/ shopping trips/ general hanging out together. So then why would she need make up if she spends all time at home doing h/w? I think it’s not an easy skill to be good with clothes and make up and studies at the same time in your teenage years. And some of girls need more time or extra help to get it all together. Of course there is always an option that she is not bothered about some things for ethical/ environmental reasons, which is fine by the way but I would expect you to know about it. If she is not opening up I wonder if her views are too opposite to yours and she’s not sure in your reaction.

Edina and Saffron.

Spot on.

Wth are you on about? 'more time' to 'get it together'. Do jog on. You do realise most girls with more than 20 braincells these days who stay off tiktok couldnt give much of a toss about getting it 'right' with make-up and clothes?

Do you realise how grim your post sounds?

bottom line if the world had a lot more of your dd, then it would be alot more advanced both technology and interpersonal ect