to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours

[ForZanyMember]

DD 15 wonderful in many ways I guess however some of her lifestyle habits concern me a little.

I understand we are all unique. She is nothing like I was at her age which of course is not a bad thing however I do worry that everything is okay. She is quiet by nature and probably the opposite to typical 15 year old girl in that she has zero interest in shopping, clothes, girly things, boys, makeup e.t.c. for me she actually spends an UNHEALTHY amount of time studying/doing homework. Along with this she has what I would say are quite unusual interests for a 15 year old girl. She is obsessed with certain topics such as biology, history and geography. She watches documentaries on these topics on a daily basis in her room with a notepad taking notes. She is also really into what I can only describe as strange programs that involve midwifery/nursing/human biology/baby making/ all things to do pregnancy. She also watches documentaries on deprived areas and troubled youths.

Maybe I'm overthinking things but I just really don't understand where these interests come from and why she spends so much of her time studying these topics. I am just a little concerned that's all. I would image most 15 year old girls spend their time out with their friends and stuff doing teenage activities.

Is her name Matilda?

Seriously, she sounds bloody amazing.

You? Not so much.

very small circle of friends and they are not all girls which I find a little odd

I’m almost lost for words. Leave your poor DD alone and be thankful that she grown up to be a more open minded individual than you.

I didn't say I wanted to change her, I said I am just slightly concerned.

I'd have been glued to the internet if it had been around, I had to make do with the library and family bookshelves, my Grandmother's old textbooks from medical school in the '30s were rather haunting though 😬.

do you have much education @ForZanyMember are your main interests makeup and clothes ? You sound like you don’t understand that your child is academic. I had no interests in boys or makeup at 15. I loved reading. I am highly educated to doctorate level now. I have a friend who is a gynaecologist. This friend watched doctors, casualty, hobby city anything medical she could on tv growing up. Your daughter sound similar to us.

I think it’s odd you’d prefer your daughter be out chasing boys and asking you can she get lip filler 🙈

She sounds ace. Why are you finding it weird she has a mixed-sex friendship group and isn't into make-up? I had asany boy friends as girl friends once I was in 6th form, never got into shopping or make-up. Wasn't interested in going out much.

I went on to university where I made lifelong friends (26 years ago now) and had a great social life.

Your DD sounds brilliantly grounded and confident in herself.

What because she is not 'girlie'?

Why should 'most of' her friends be girls (or boys?) It sounds as if she's found a group of people she likes and has common interest with - I had virtually no female friends at school, and I don't have that many now.

Her interests sound far healthier to me than Instagram and makeup blogs or crap TV, or whatever. Maybe she's thinking ahead to what she wants to do for work, and if she's interested in women's healthcare and/or social justice then how is that a bad thing?

I remember being very similar at her age - we had no TV but I read everything I could get my hands on. Small mixed friendship group, no interest in boyfriends. There is nothing wrong with her, she just doesn’t share your interests

But what exactly concerns you about her behaviour/interests? What exactly are your concerns?

She has friends, and she has activities she enjoys, does she seem content? When I was her age most of my friends were boys. It wasn't until I was a little older that I 'found my tribe' with other girls/women.

Your daughter is probably just very different to you and you need to try to accept that. She can probably feel that you think she is a bit odd so is reluctant to open up.

OP your post tells us more about you than her.

Leave her alone to grow into a more sensible adult.

Why do you need to understand where the interests come from? Where does your (I assume) interest in make-up come from? If someone asked you to justify why you're interested in something what could you possibly say? Surely you like it because you like it?

If the majority of people like cucumber and you don't think it tastes nice, how can you be expected to explain that?

Likewise, how can she explain why she doesn't like make up and likes biology? That's just her interests. People enjoy some things more than others.

Trying to see this post in good faith, I wonder if you're worried about autism because she is quiet and has specific interests which she spends a long time on? If this is your worry, what you've said alone is not at all cause for concern. It might help more to focus on difficulties she has eg socially, making friends etc and look for advice on that.

The title of your post has really rubbed me the wrong way. Your daughter sounds great - motivated, empathetic and unafraid to be herself. The idea that someone must explain themselves for not liking the same thing as the majority is just baffling.

OP if you are concerned, are there any things you haven’t really detailed in your OP? Are there other things that make you wonder if she may be neurodivergent for example? Or is it just this?

Sorry x posted with above

She sounds great and I’m sorry she’s not a pink sparkly girlie girl and has a balanced friendship group. She is who she is and sounds wonderful. So you’re worried you need to make her a boy if she’s not got pink and glitter on?

For the first time ever i feel like giving an OP a good bloody shake! You're odd, not your amazing daughter. You should be proud, not labeling her as weird.

Your daughter sounds great-intelligent, motivated, interested in the world around her. You need to bear in mind that she is a separate person, not an extension of you.

Reading your replies, I'm still not getting what worries you about these things. Why is it weird that the majority of her friends are not girls? Can you explain why that is a worry or why it is odd? Is there a reason other than it's not the same as you?

I am seeing your attitude as the odd one.

Why wouldn't she have friends who are boys, like the things she does? I have a similar mindset 16 year old son, his friendship group is mixed. Always has been. So has mine 🤷‍♀️

What the hell lol. I expected to read far worse than this 😂 there's nothing wrong with her for having interests, I think it's quite refreshing to hear actually. She knows what she likes, and it's okay that it isn't boys and make-up. What exactly does she need to 'open up' about?

Good for her OP! She has an enquiring mind and cares about learning and expanding her mind. Why on earth does she owe you an explanation?

Also it sounds healthy and balanced that she has a mixed friend group, rather than just a bunch of girls. I've found mixed friend groups much more of a laugh. All female groups can sometimes be catty and dull.

She sounds great. Why exactly are you worried? Did you have expectations for her personality and feel a bit disheartened that she's so different to you? (That's not meant as a dig btw!)

I could have said exactly this when DS was 15 except that his interests were/are more arts and politics oriented.

He’s 19 now and just started uni. I think he found his people in Yr 11 and more of them at sixth form college. Yes, there were also all sorts of other different types of teen in the orbit including vaping, drinking, gym bunny, geeky etc. He’s sociable and motivated, he doesn’t mind being a neek in some level. It’s completely fine and they find their people.

Sorry what's neurodivergent?