to expect dd to open up and explain her ways /odd behaviours

[ForZanyMember]

DD 15 wonderful in many ways I guess however some of her lifestyle habits concern me a little.

I understand we are all unique. She is nothing like I was at her age which of course is not a bad thing however I do worry that everything is okay. She is quiet by nature and probably the opposite to typical 15 year old girl in that she has zero interest in shopping, clothes, girly things, boys, makeup e.t.c. for me she actually spends an UNHEALTHY amount of time studying/doing homework. Along with this she has what I would say are quite unusual interests for a 15 year old girl. She is obsessed with certain topics such as biology, history and geography. She watches documentaries on these topics on a daily basis in her room with a notepad taking notes. She is also really into what I can only describe as strange programs that involve midwifery/nursing/human biology/baby making/ all things to do pregnancy. She also watches documentaries on deprived areas and troubled youths.

Maybe I'm overthinking things but I just really don't understand where these interests come from and why she spends so much of her time studying these topics. I am just a little concerned that's all. I would image most 15 year old girls spend their time out with their friends and stuff doing teenage activities.

Hi there

I am so sorry to hear about what your daughter went through in year 11. Just awful isn't it. I do very much hope she is OK now, as for my dd growing up she has always been quiet but nothing really out the ordinary, she has only become more quirky and unqiue in her teenage years.

All you can do now is look forward and move forward with your daughter no point at all looking back for "missed signs" growing up.

She sounds great and I bet you could have really interesting conversations with her about all her interests and learn from her.

Not surprised she is so into self motivated study and learning.

It doesn't sound like she gets much in the way of mental stimulation or intellectual challenge at home otherwise.

How can you be a parent in 2024 and not know about this, considering how common it is? Google it. Be like your daughter and do some research.

She sounds lovely OP, leave her be. It would be a boring world if we were all the same. Stop being so bloody judgemental. If she's healthy and happy, let her be comfortable in her own skin.

She sounds great, and it wouldn't surprise me if she was neurodivergent - as you say, some of the behaviours you're seeing don't sound typical.

But who wants to be typical? I'm sure you accept and love her as she is, but it's natural to worry sometimes.

Your don't sound like Matilda's mum at all. That's just bloody rude.

Would you like to send her to me? She sounds like my daughter and all of us would get along great!

Her interest are not unusual at all. She sounds intelligent, curious about some interesting topics and must hold some very stimulating conversations with the right people.

OP, I’m a university lecturer. Your DD sounds great. Please encourage these interests- ask her what she’s learning.

Why on earth would you be concerned that she’s not into fashion etc?

Most of my students have mixed sex friendship groups, as they should, and as did I.

You get this sometimes. A parent has a child who is much cleverer than they are, and has interests which are a lot more intellectual than theirs. Never mind OP. Your child will find her people if you let her. Meanwhile (if you’re not attempting a poor joke here) why don’t you think about how it might feel for a child to know her mum thinks she’s a weirdo?

She'd fit right in at our house. Documentaries and homework is the norm here. DD started prepping and revising for her GCSEs in the summer between year 9 and 10 before shed even started learning the content and requests practise papers from her teachers in addition yo other work. She has a plan and high aspirations though, she knows where she wants to go in life.

She is into skincare, make up and fashion but has her own particular 'dark academia' look and doesn't follow the fashion fads of others in our area.

She is autistic but it doesn't impact her too much day to day as long as she gets enough down time.

What do you do to bring yourself into her world? Look for talks and public lectures at teaching hospitals and universities, science festivals or the Royal Institute . Science in the pub events. Tour the operating theatre museum etc

What was your teenage hood like? Was education valued? Were you given the resources you needed to succeed? Or was education looked down upon and it was cooler to hang out at the park with your friends - or was it somewhere in the middle?

OP, I want to be your daughter when I grow up.

Your daughter sounds like the kind of person that is going to make a huge postive impact on the world one day!

This is a little bit out there, so sorry for the slight derail.
I was having a conversation with a friend last week about what would we do if we suddenly time travelled and found ourselves back in our teenage bodies, but our memories were intact. We both said we would study the world like crazy and ensure we gained jobs of influence to make the massive changes (and also buy shares for the right companies at the right to of course!)

Something to ponder!

Sounds like she’s really focussed on her studies, maybe she sees it as the path to a different future?
I couldn’t wait to get out of the small town I grew up in and latched onto academia as the easiest way out so I worked my arse off at GCSE and A level to make sure I had as many options as possible. It was quite a surprise to my non academic parents but they threw their support behind what I wanted. Please support your DD in her interests even if you don’t understand them

It’s not your daughter who’s odd 🤷‍♀️ it’s you who is shallow.
So shallow that you don’t realise what you have.

I pressed the wrong button, I think your concerns are unreasonable. It's good that she studies seriously. Many parents would envy you.

She sounds just like my daughter at that age and I can say wholeheartedly that I wouldn't change anything about her, she is intelligent, dedicated, diligent, socially conscious and caring. And many other good things. And I hope in 20 years time you can look back and say the same about your daughter, she sounds like a lovely girl.

She sounds similar to my DD, she got 11 x G9’s in GCSE this summer. Never stops studying, but much worse she could be doing. When i was 16.5yrs old i was 6 months pregnant with her older brother

Have you considered asking her where these interests come from?

Op you are the one who sounds odd, your daughter sounds v academic when clearly you’re not interested in that lifestyle? I was like this as a child, lost myself in teen years and tried to fit in by caring about fashion then found myself again and am now studying and getting into academia. Please don’t make her feel odd, I hope you don’t say thesebth on hs to her face. And why is it weird that she has boy and girl friends? Really not following on that one. She has a well rounded circle of friends with academic interests. What’s weird about that?

She sounds really great. Do you ever watch those documentaries etc with her and talk about them?

I was the same. I was a straight A student and went into nursing. Br proud of your studious daughter.

Bit harsh

Thank you, DD2 is back to her normal, her high school have a fantastic school counsellor and she had a teacher who she trusted and was able to talk to at any time she needed. Did fantastic in her Gcse's all 7 - 9 and grade b in A Level Eng Lit.

Once she had the acknowledgment of that yes she probably is autistic it helped her to understand why she is 'different' and things went back to how it was before.

What's wrong with that?! Some of my best lifelong friends are male.

Are you jealous of your daughter OP? She sounds far more smarter and more worldly than you.