To not like being called by forename by kids

[BreakingDad77]

I don't know but somehow it feels odd when sons friends year 6 age range calling me by my forename. I haven't said anything but part of me feels I would prefer Mr surname or "sons name - dad".

You sound like Harold in Neighbours 😀

Yes, because you never yourself called her by her first name.
My mother used to occasionally slip my DF's first name into conversation rather than 'your father', but that's obviously what she calls him.

As can I.

Moreover, none of us struggled with it or felt remotely disrespected or anything else of the sort that I recall. Children must have been made of different fabric back then …

Whereas I think your position sounds mawkishly sentimental. The relationship is important, sure, and I take that seriously (especially as DS is my parents only grandchild, and my PILS’ youngest by many years— the others are adults), but I don’t think what he calls them matters in the least. It’s not my decision, either. I call my parents Mum and Dad. The four grandparents had some kind of summit about who would be Granny, Graddad, Grandpa etc, but I can’t even remember who was what because from the moment he was a toddler, DS called them by their first names. I think he got fascinated by people having different names for the same person, like DH calling his parents Mum and Dad, but me calling them Mary and John.

It's true, people can no longer assume mum and dad are Mr and Mrs SameSurname and sharing a common surname with all the DC. First names are less of a minefield!

Well I do agree with you that the relationship itself is more important than names . But I do think it’s a bit sad for children not to use those terms of endearment.

I remember when a family friend’s son was about 4 and he suddenly started calling her by her first name. She said to him “do you know the others are calling me that because that’s what most people call me. But you are the only person in the world who is allowed to call me Mummy.” He looked so proud and pleased. I’m sure you think that’s mawkish too, but I thought it was lovely.

YABVU. No-one calls their mate's mum 'Mrs Surname' anymore. Even when mine were kids (late 1990s to 2010s) I cringed on the rare occasion that one of their friends called me 'Mrs Surname.' I instantly told them to call me by my forename.

'Mrs Surname' should be consigned to teachers/schools only IMO. Feels very old fashioned and dated to do it now.

Why is it ‘sad’, though? It’s not as though not calling someone ‘Mummy’ somehow invalidates the relationship. It’s just a form of address.Fair enough if that woman desperately wanted to be addressed as ‘Mummy’, but I think I’d be wondering about what that said about her. I’m my son’s mother, but I’d be his mother regardless of what he called me.

@Calliopespa Today 21:16

Well I do agree with you that the relationship itself is more important than names .. . But I do think it’s a bit sad for children not to use those terms of endearment.

The OP is on about her child's friends calling her by her forename, not her child! Why would her child's friends call her mum?!!! 😆

Yep, and I'm not sure many of my DCs friends mum's are Mrs anything!

Because it is a small way of cherishing the relationship I guess. Didn’t you like calling your mother Mummy?

If truth be told, as a child I liked calling friend’s parents Mrs Whatever. I’d have felt weird saying “ Hi Vick.” I didn’t actually want her to be Vick to me. She was just a person who was there because it was her house and she seemed a bit uptight about shoes with mud and a bit lax about sugar compared with my mum 🤷🏻‍♀️. So we are all different.

Not sure. Most 2nd or 3rd gen immigrants still use aunty / uncle as a term of respect I think.

That's not what I was saying. I'm saying it IS western to use uncle and aunt for non-relatives.

What's weirder is being called Miss First Name (eg Miss Clare). An American mum at my daughter's school always says to her kids, 'Now you be good for Ms Clare/Ms Emma etc' and it feels very polite but a bit cringey.

But they don't know the first name either unless told? Most children still do have the same surname as their fathers and OP is a father so that's obviously easier to guess than his first name.

Should I start the dinner now Miss Clare?

Whereas, when I was young, adults who told us to call them by their first name were seen as cringey try-hards.

The wheel turns. In the future, no doubt your preference of being addressed by your first name will be cringed at by kids. Each successive generation cringes at the previous one and calls them old-fashioned/fuddy-duddies etc.

Yes, this. Like all those teachers who wanted to be your friend, not your teacher.

Yeah I struggled with that change in 90s to the new wave of teachers. I remember this home ec teacher who because I didn't fawn over her thought I had some personality issue. Even tho perfectly normal behaviour with all the other teachers.

Yes, it was definitely normal. If I met some of those now though, I'd probably drop the aunt and uncle as we didn't stay family friends all that time.

You're a similar age to my mum (I'm late 20s with a toddler) and she would've thought it weird if my friends or my siblings friends called her by her surname or X's mum. She has a name. I think her era also called friends' parents by their name. When I was at school, all the teachers were Miss/Mrs/Mr surname.

My own girls went through phases of calling me by my first name, never bothered me.

I call people called 'Zander', 'Alex' by default and I think most would.

‘Properly addressed’?

Isn’t your forename proper? Don’t you have one? Is it a nickname? If so, I bet it’s not ‘Chuckles’.

Traditionally a forename was only for people who knew you well. Properly addressed is meaning for someone you feel doesn’t know you well enough to use your forename. It’s nothing to do with it not identifying you.