To not like being called by forename by kids

[BreakingDad77]

I don't know but somehow it feels odd when sons friends year 6 age range calling me by my forename. I haven't said anything but part of me feels I would prefer Mr surname or "sons name - dad".

I'm 45, born in another country, no children.
Would absolutely insist on Mr. & Mrs. Surname, because that was the staple for me.
Why on earth would strange children address me by first name?

It's class and regional and ethnicity based!
We use Auntie and Uncle for some family friends who are on our eastern European side. DH (Northerner) uses it for some family friends and my non-middle class friends use it for everyone older than their kids.

I suppose he does have authority over them if they are having a playdate or something and their parents are not there.

How is only some people being allowed to call you by your first name subtle?

I can understand in a school setting, but for the example in the OP I think it’s really weird. I know it’s supposed to be respectful, but it’s trying to enforce respect, which I think is actually disrespectful to the other person.

Basically, it doesn’t foster feelings of mutual respect.

Normal in Wales too, but I don't know about young people.

Bit strange. Everyone else copes.

Much worse is when DDs friends call me 'Miss' like I'm their teacher.

If that's the Opra clip, it was quite rude. Celebrities are often referred to by first name and the young woman didn't deserve to be humiliated.

I can confirm that it was like this in the 80s.

So who doesn't do it? Posh MNers from the south of England I suppose? Is it like lunch and dinner?

There's a custom in the American South of calling women Mz [first name]. E.g. Mz. Jane, Mz. Penelope. I suppose Mr. [first name] would work too.
Mz spelled as pronounced.

I have personally always answered to my first name. Some children have asked what they should call me, and I've told them my first name is fine. Some have just assumed Mrs. Surname would be appropriate and ploughed ahead. I've always answered to that, too. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a child to use Mrs. Surname, though.

As my DCs' friends have all grown into adults, it's noticeable that all the girls (now women), even those who used to call me Mrs. Surname, use my first name, and all the men use Mrs. Surname.

But why?

Ha! I read that in the appropriate voice :)

I guess I meant what you ask to be called is subtle if you compare it to other ways of signalling you are not wanting certain behaviours to encroach on other personal boundaries esp physical, and those instances are less subtle boundary issues.

For instance I often find it a bit uncomfortable when home alone and I get one of those over-familiar workmen. Often they mean well, but sometimes they just have that overly familiar, stand too close, call you “love”, ask what you are doing that night type of demeanour and I just feel better giving my name as a title and surname. I’d rather say “I’m Mrs Smith” than “ call me Yvette.” I find it a subtle way of signalling “ I’m finding you a bit over-familiar mate.” Or even just “ I’m someone who likes to hang back a bit.”

I think we should all be entitled to create space in this way, and I don’t think it should get labelled rude because that impacts on people’s ability to stand back in this way.

It isn’t pompous; it’s a way of saying “I’m perfectly happy to be polite but that’s it.” And I think it’s wrong to say that people shouldn’t have total freedom to create that space. It’s me being referred to, my name, my title. I think if you think of it as a brake on over-familiarity, you realise it isn’t always a pompous type of respect that’s being asked for; it’s the non-intrusive type of respect. I think people should be allowed that.

How is that relevant to anything?

I guess because a child might call the mother Mrs Friends-Surname when in fact she’s Mrs MaidenName

Because their friends wouldn’t know the surname of the dad to be able to call him Mr whatever.

Yes, children figure this out quite easily. My gd often got confused and said 'ask your mam' when he meant gdm, but we still understood.

It’s probably an age / generation thing.

When I was young this is how we were taught to address people by our family and school.

It’s how I was taught, certainly. And it’s precisely why I didn’t teach my child to address adults ultra-formally, or to make his friends call me by my title and surname.

Whilst not commonplace, OP I think your views are perfectly valid ones. Though I think the tradition which has died out of a 'friendly Aunty or Uncle' to refer to someone of your parents generation is something I regret ending.

When speaking to my (adult) children I refer to my mum as “your granny”.
I’d never in a million years dream of calling her by her Christian name, either to her face or in reference to her.
It would feel too weird!

Whereas I will say, ‘Go and ask Mary if she’d like a cup of tea’ perfectly naturally about either my MIL or my mother to DS (12).

I think that just sounds so awful, I’m sorry.

Grandmothers are such a special relation to have. It seems so cold and spartan not to acknowledge that relationship by calling them that.

Clearly this takeaway from. This thread is that everyone feels quite differently about these things.

OK Boomer