Partner in massive victim position giving me the 'ick

[robertaplant]

My GF & I were looking at theatre tickets in London as something fun to do, but then she mentioned it was the local beer festival and things shifted. She got upset because she realised hadn’t been added to our friends' WhatsApp group, saying that our mutual friend always adds his partner into everything. Since he created the group, she made me feel terrible about it, even though it wasn’t something I controlled.
She then said she didn’t want to go to anyway and shut down the conversation.
She then wonders why she doesn't have any friends...For perspective she's 38 but feels a lot younger around stuff like this.
I know I should try to see things from her perspective, but it feels like getting punched in the gut repeatedly when she starts pulling this victim crap on me. I literally can't handle it and want to run, but prior to that i get really really angry and i don't understand it.

Ooh, another horrible GF thread!

Awareness of being triggered is knowing yourself and owning it, surely the opposite of being a victim (which is acting your shit out)

Yet here you are blaming your gf for being "triggered".

I also find it difficult to believe this thread was created by a man mature enough to date a 38 year old. Do adult men use the word "icky" with such gay abandon?

@skinnyoptionsonly @Teeshs @ThatRareUmberJoker appreciate these insights thankyou

but the 'gf' isn't owning it, not understanding it, trying to change herself for the better. That's a difference.

This!!

Ooh, another horrible GF thread!

Yes. There are so many, lately.

Yet it's easy to see who's really the horrible one.

Exactly.
My response is how I would respond to a woman posting.

However, the IBS alters things.
IBS from what I know is an awful condition, quite debilitating and certainly something that would make staying with people more difficult.

OP, you don't sound happy or compatible, although you do share some interests with your partner.
Better to admit that you aren't a good enough fit to last and have a family together and move on.
Better for both of you to move on.
Beware of the "sunken cost fallacy".

IBS is absolutely debilitating so I'm not surprised she doesn't want to go to people's houses she doesn't know, will have to decline or request certain foods which will make her seem picky or awkward or pedantic or needy, otherwise she'll be in the bathroom absolutely embarrassed, or shitting herself which is humiliating, and if she is making frequent trips to the bathroom then people will notice and people will talk and people will speculate. It's awful.

What awful girlfriend for having such a restrictive and communally misunderstood condition.

Just split up with her. You both want different things.

Thankyou to everyone who has taken time to write insightful thoughtful posts.

Like others have said your post is confusing.
But a few months ago a neighbour came over to invite my husband go karting.
He named about 5 male neighbours who were going on the "boys day out".
After my husband said yes he was added to the WhatsApp group to finalise the details.
Within about an hour everyone's partner was added to the group and it turned into a "couples day out".
I was the only partner that wasn't invited or added to the group.
It really annoyed me and upset me and made me feel like I was back in school.
What hurt even more was that my husband was just going along with it and didn't see how out of order it was and how upsetting it was until I pointed it out.
I work full time and 4 months of the year I work from 8.30am to 10pm 7 days a week.
I do this so my husband doesn't have to work so he can be available for our disabled child full time.
As a result of this my husband has a lot spare time when our son is in school.
He spends this time doing a lot of favours for the neighbours.
He has saved our neighbours thousands of pounds by doing a lot of mechanical work on their cars.
I felt like I was working really long hours so my husband could be and the beck and call of the neighbours and the one time they planned a fun activity to do together I was the only one left out.

@MystyLuna that sounds really unfair. Did you bring it up with him?