Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

Any sentence that starts with 'you need to' fills me with rage!
What a massive arse.
Who does he think he is? Maybe start doing it back to him see how he likes it.

Who needs an enemy with a partner like this who you belittle you to your face?

What a tedious bully. Not someone I would stay with.

First poster nails it.

Get shot.

Just seen your other thread.

You are a sham and despite him asking you to return to work, you say the time isn’t right.

I imagine that is why you put up with this op, because you have made yourself financially dependent on him

It’s not really funny though is it 😳

Question is - are you going to do something about it?

yes op is a sahm and despite partner asking her to return to work, she refuses

Divorce him.

For your kids sake.

Because you are their role models are they are learning about relationships from you. They only get one teacher of this, and it's you two.

You are teaching your sons to treat women like this, and you're teaching your daughters to stand there passive and get insulted.

Do you want your daughter to be in a relationship like this?

I think a holiday is a great way to end that relationship. What an insecure, shallow person. Clearly projecting his insecurities on to you. Get away from him and fast! X

What @SerenityNowInsanityLater said ^^

@speedmop Seems like you are hell bent on trying to make me feel worse for some reason. I have never refused to return to work, the time genuinely isn’t right just yet due to circumstances

So that gives him carte blanche to criticise her appearance, does it?

Has he been dumped yet?? Why would you continue seeing someone like that?? It's ok to be single very ok.

I think he is warning you he is checking out .. I would consider your options before he finds a better offer and leaves you in the shit .

Do you own or rent your home ? I would look into how you would manage without him because I think he is done tbh

I've been married 25 years and my dh still adores me and I him.

It's not normal to talk to someone like that ffs

This. He is horrible and you deserve better.

Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough

This about sums everything up for me. No it’s not “fair enough”.
Even if it was fine for someone to not find their partner attractive, it still would NOT make his behaviour and put downs ok!
I suspect this is just the tip of iceberg, you sound so downtrodden and lacking in confidence that I think this is quite normal for him.

You. Deserve. Better!

He’s vile OP. And I am so, so sorry you are going through this. Believe me, I know how hard it is to walk away, but he’s bullying you. I went through an identical scenario years ago-it started out the way you’re describing above, then progressed into quite severe domestic violence.
You cannot live like this, nobody should live like this. Quite frankly, he’s an awful human and he is never going to change or get better. What he will do, is the odd nice thing mixed in with all his awful behaviour, so that when he does something nice you’ll convince yourself that he loves you, that he’s a great partner-for men like him it’s just what they do.
Please OP, talk to someone. A family member, a friend-anyone! And get out! You deserve a man who makes you feel beautiful and loved, everyday

This, this, this !

Some women have very low standards. Might be the chicken and egg scenario. There are a lot of men like this so maybe women have had to learn to accept this behaviour. Or maybe men behave like this because they know they can get away with it.

Either way OP you need to free yourself and your DC from this awful man.

You don't have to put up with being treated like this and there are plenty of men who will treat you properly. If you don't have kids I would just get out immediately tbh

She has children with this 'man'

you said that your DP has been putting pressure on you to return to work but you’ve said no because “the time isn’t right” 🤷

Yes - YOU'RE massively punching with this grotesque individual. He's obviously decided he wants out and has no respect for you, your role in your relationship, your feelings or your intelligence - let alone your bloody birthday. Ducks in a row. I'm guessing he's had his head turned and didn't want to be there with you at all. Isnt he going to be embarrassed when you get the jump on him and he discovers that he's not as hot as he thought?

This is awful and you don't deserve it. He's talking to you like he hates you and wants you to feel as low as possible. You don't talk to someone you love that way. What would he do if you confronted him with the list of things he's said that hurt you whilst away? Might make him realise what an evil person he sounds

@speedmop Well to me refusing would be saying “no not happening, don’t ask again” I just said the time isn’t right just yet but once things get better I will

I’d love to know why you're replying to this poster yet not considering anyone telling you to leave this massive arsehole? His behaviour is not normal.