Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

Omg OP. You are worth so much more than this. I often feel that the LTB advice is ridiculous but in this case, LTB. Seriously. Your life will be so much better - he has no respect for you. This is NOT how people treat people they love.

shes not wrong that OP would be better off not being reliant on this arsehole and that he’s not the best role model for the kids. I think it’s wrong to berate her though. That isn’t helpful.

Ha she always stared at and listed after other females ? Ha she always been dis respectful?

Does he alway bring you down ? Do you think you have “let yourself go” ? Has he changed since you got together ? Are you different in outlook ?

Do you think he’s unhappy and thinking what he could have had if he didn’t have kids with you ?

I honestly couldn’t stay with someone who done what he did to you ? I wouldn’t have made it on the plane and the relationship would have been over.

Kindly OP you only get one life and your kids only get one childhood. Staying with this absolutely vile man isn't doing any of you any favours. Your confidence will be non existent and your kids will think this is how relationships are meant to be. Can you honestly say you would be thrilled if either of your DCs future partners spoke to them the way their father does to you? If you can't, then you have to remove all of you from this situation as he isn't going to change.

He sounds awful

I think he resents “being stuck with op” as he’s looking at other the other females “he thinks he could have “
Trading OP in for a younger or better model . Not like it’s not a new story with men .

This is the man who is supposed to love and cherish you, your husband for life. He should be your biggest supporter and have your back in all things. Clearly he’s a massive cockwomble who thinks you don’t deserve him. Sounds like he has whittled away at your self confidence and now you have to ask a bunch of strangers if you are being over sensitive because you can no longer judge for yourself. I assume that’s because you have probably got used to be treated awfully. So sorry OP but this isn’t how a marriage should be.

This. Sorry but I agree.
OP he is resentful of you for not contributing to your household and taking it out on you by being cruel and nasty. No it’s not right and he is an arse hole for doing so.
But you’re allowing yourself to be in this situation and exposing your kids to it. Why is the timing not right for you to get a job? Do you enjoy being financially dependent on him and letting him treat you like shit? Get a job, get some self worth back and kick his arse out.

I hope you told him you were thinking of getting rid of 12 stone of useless weight in the shape of a useless partner.

Don't wait any longer, leave him. What a horrible horrible man...chipping away at your self esteem bit by bit. It'll be hard but you must get out for your own sake and the children. Good luck. x

What a horrible man! I imagine this happens frequently and is why you are questioning yourself now even though this is objectively bullying.

He’s definitely punching. OP sounds like a decent person. He’s a vile bastard.

And he should be very grateful he’s with you, not with me, OP, because I’d choose a moment when the DC aren’t there and humiliate the hell out of him, which is what he deserves.

If you don’t want to do that, then practise some short phrases that you can say to him calmly but firmly. ‘Do not speak to me like that.’

Him: ‘I’ll speak to you exactly how I like …’

You: ‘Then we’re done’.

And get yourself in a position where you can act on this. Women who don’t work and have an abusive partner like yours are very vulnerable.

You absolutely do need to go on a diet. The shitty man free diet should do it. That will absolutely help you lose any excess dead weight you're having to carry around - and you'll feel much better too without it!

Definitely a case of throw the whole man away.

He's disrespectful and rude to you, ltb ASAP

LTB.

I had one of these @noodlewoo when I was a wee thing. I wish we could pm pictures so I could show you how lovely looking I was, despite feeling for years after his negging like a great big ugly blimp. I wasn't, he was punching. (He still is with his now wife, she's stunning he's a pig).
Anyway I'm not with an insecure fucker anymore and I'm older, fatter and don't dress lovely as I'd like and my Dp treats me and fully thinks he's marrying someone up there with selma hayak.
I'm not by any means but he fully treats my chubby self like a queen.
Get yourself divorced, work on your self worth and esteem and don't ever allow anyone ever treat you less than a queen. Please 💗

I know LTB isn't easy, but honestly this nasty fucker will break your spirit.. ducks in a row 🦆🦆🦆

Yes someone is punching and it's not you.

You need to do yourself a favour and let him go, I promise you'll be a lot happier without this utter twat in your life.

Your relationship with him is shaping the way in which your kids conduct all their future relationships.

You have to stop that.

What an immature prick! The women he was ogling have periods as well! He's a mysoginist. Please dump him ASAP.

This

Is that because that's what he tells you if you say he's out of order?

This. I think there's another woman on the scene also. You are young OP and deserve better, don't waste any more of your life.

Sorry lovely he sounds like a total prick.

Know your worth

You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.

Sounds to me as if he is setting up a narrative to give him an excuse to start an affair/leave.

Apart from the rest of it, which is also awful, telling you that you're hanging for being on your period is a MASSIVE red flag for misogyny.

Start planning your exit from this relationship is my advice because it's not going to get any better and you're still so so young 💐

Obviously he's rude, disrespectful and insulting but it's more than that.

He's acting like a consumer choosing wares in a shop. Dress you in this or that, compare this or that model.

Does he have any conception of his own humanity? Seriously, we're made of flesh and blood and our existence on earth is a thing of wonder and possibility, you're spending your finite time alive with this grotesque manslug?

Leave him. Next time pick someone grown up with a soul.