Things DP said to me while on holiday

[noodlewoo]

Commented on what I was wearing to the airport. He said “you could have made more of an effort. “look at all these girls wearing trendy clothes. You need to start wearing clothes like that” I mean we literally had just got to the airport to go on holiday. Not a great start

Then when we got there he continued to point out what other women were wearing. “I like those gym leggings and sets” Don’t you wish you could wear stuff like that”

Continued to remind me that when we get home I need to get back on my diet. Maybe this is where I’m being sensitive because he said “for your sake not mine”

Then he asked if he thought people would put us together. Wasn’t sure what he meant so I asked him. He said well do you think people would think either of us were punching.

I sometimes have trouble with my back where it “goes” We were on a boat trip and when it was time to get off and stand up I said ouch and told him my back had a little twinge. He said “don’t start”

Then on the morning we were due to go home I came on my period and said I was “angin” for people who don’t know what that means it basically means disgusting

I’ve come home feeling a bit shitty and unloved but I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive. Seems like he possibly doesn’t find me attractive which if that’s the case then fair enough but how would this make others feel?

There is no way this man is a good dad. A good father would respect their children's mother. We usually set the bar too low for whats is considered a good father. Being a good example is essential. Would you be happy for your children learn to behave towards you from him or accept his behaviour as the way to treat a partner? Children observe and learn from the parents behavior . They will register everything. They will notice him misstreating you.
I would leave for their sake if not yours.
Joining the chorus of LTB

I wouldn’t waste my breath explaining how he has made you feel as he will love that. Just fuck him off big time and asap

You deserve so much better than this. We all do. Xx

If he speaks to you like that he is modelling his attitude to your son

He is NOT a good dad

Hm... what would happen if you said to him, "I like what that [young, fit] man over there is wearing. Why don't you work on trying to look like that? [tinkly little laugh]". If he strops about it, say, "I'm saying it FOR you, not being nasty at all", with an enigmatic smile...
Psychological warfare can be a two-way street.
Alternatively, just dump the fucker and move on.

I would bet that this loser puts you down because he needs to bolster his own ego. He would do this to any woman who would put up with it. I hope you dump him.

What a d☆☆k

I really hope you take the overwhelming advice to get rid. He is an abuser. Not physical, no. But mental abuse is still abuse.

He’s a grade A a**hole. Get rid.

He’s a grade A a**hole. Get rid.

What a complete knob. The things he said were very offensive and showed no respect. You should either tell hime to fix it or Foxtrot Oscar. I hope you are ok now.

ABSOLUTELY THIS!!!

Every single comment he made was designed to make you feel "less than", but the comment about your period is truly shocking. He's criticising you for having to deal with something entirely natural that every adolescent girl and woman of child-bearing age experiences. WTAF does he expect you to do when he calls you the equivalent of "disgusting" at that time of the month? I don't think a man could barely be any more misogynistic than this. HE'S disgusting and you deserve better.

Sounds like he's demonizing you so that if/ when he finally dumps you he won't feel so bad about it (because -you know- you didnt make enough of an effort and you whinged about your back too much). You probably already know what you need to do.

Omg please dump him.

Omg please dump him.

I had years of this kind of thing, OP. Your DP is being a prick. It's rude. Doesn't matter if there's a grain of truth in it or not (there was with mine - I was fatter than the people he was comparing me with), it's still fucking rude.

If I ever reacted, it was "do something about it, then!"/all for my own good/only because he loved me and wanted me to be the best version of myself I could. Endless comparisons with other women we knew about weight/style/clothes, but mainly weight. He's always been shallow and appearance obsessed, still is, anything "wrong" with me or our dds he took as a personal insult to him.

Eventually he started showing guys (incl young men who worked for us) photos of me when I was younger, thinner and gorgeous, frequently in front of me and literally telling them "see, she USED to be beautiful". He was always careful to be complimentary about how I looked back then, and was so sneaky with the wording he used so it made it seem unreasonable for me to feel upset but it was so humiliating. The guys he did this to were always mortified for me.

I left him eventually and my now dh thinks I'm beautiful whether fat or thin. But SO many comments from ex still ring in my ears.

He is being a twat and your dc will be learning huge amounts from him about how to treat women/be treated by men. His judgemental attitude to others will trickle through to them and affect their self esteem too. Please get some counselling to raise your own self esteem and ask yourself some hard questions about whether this man is really what you want. X

Over sensitive? He was unbelievably horrible to you. No way would I put up with this.

All niceties aside. He doesn’t like you, he thinks he can do better, his trying to break you and you are just convenient. He is working towards stripping you of all your self respect.

My issue, would not be what he does it’s how you react. I was in the same situation and I had to clearly say, “you are not a prize” and told him to F off! He stayed and never said another disrespectful word to me because he knew I’ve reached my limit. Especially, knowing I’m doing it for my girls. Find your own way to put him in his place. Unless you want to wait till you’ve wasted your youth before you break free.

No human is worth this mental torture.

He sounds like an utter cunt.

Showing some Narcissistic traits here get rid - no one should make you feel like this. I should know I was married to one for 38 years.

Unfortunately, I think you have yourself a narcissist - lack of empathy, sense of grandiose, entitled, manipulative, resistance to change. Charming to others, including strangers, but mean to you. Sound familiar?

A loving partner should support you, not grind you down and make you feel like crap. You don't need him, though you probably think you do....he has made you feel worthless, I suspect he has treated you badly for years.

Try to get outside help, family, friends, organisations, put a plan in place that when you have had enough of this creep (hopefully soon) you will have the backup and the knowledge of how to get rid efficiently.

Don't walk, Run. It's extremely scary making the decision to leave an abusive partner, I know. But the longer you leave it, the more scary it gets. All the practical details seem overwhelming but it's all doable. Hard, but doable. Don't let him grind you down any longer. I waited to leave until I felt my life was threatened... trust me you do not want to get to this place. I'm alone now, recovering for the last 4 years and so so happy now

This so called DP sounds very cruel, critical and unappreciative, and as the other very caring members of this group have advised, I would end things with him. Try to do it in an assertive way - please be brave. You are worth so much more than being with this idiot. He won't change, and he will destroy your last bit of confidence, and make you a wreck. I've been through the same thing and it takes a lot of courage, but you can do it, just try to be strong, and believe that you deserve someone far kinder and more decent.

Sometimes I think we should at least work out what led someone to act out. In this case though it's pretty clear: he doesn't respect you and just needs to admit he doesn't want to be with you. The physical stuff is just the surface version of that