To be scared to have another baby after DH poor show last time.

[FabricFrog]

I had an emergency section with DD, extremely traumatic - block didn’t go high enough, baby high up, swabs lost inside. Put to sleep as could feel it all and screaming in agony on the table.

Post section I was really unwell, related to issues that cropped up, MW gave a private room so DH could help and gave him orders to let me sleep. He slept all night whilst I agonizingly tried to look after baby and when they came in he’d pretend he’d been caring for us both.

When we came home from hospital I was still having a lot of pain, and begged for some help and he took himself to the spare room. I went in and begged and cried for help and he called me a physcopath and shut the door on me.

He says this is because men aren’t made to handle lack of sleep, but I’m too scared for a repeat.

AIBU to say no more.

Wow. That’s hideous. I don’t think I could forgive that.

what a vile man your husband is with no care or respect for you. Definitely divorce is the answer here. How awful for you to have gone through that

I lurk a lot but don’t often reply on MN.

My first born was an emergency C section. Baby was early (36 weeks) and couldn’t maintain body temp and I needed to hold him overnight to keep warm. I was terrified of falling asleep and dropping him or suffocating him. My husband wouldn’t stay overnight to help as ‘he needed to look after the dog’. One night baby lost a sock - I got onto the floor to pick it up - and couldn’t get back up into bed. Back at home husband would sleep (and snore) through the night and then complain to everyone he was so tired because he had a new born baby.

We went on to have a second child. I had a major haemorrhage and was a coma in ICU for 2 days followed by 5 days in hospital. Midwife’s organised a private room so that my husband could stay and help as I wasn’t well enough to look after baby. My husband wouldn’t stay as he ‘needed to look after our first child’ even though my mum had flown out from Australia to help. The nurses end up taking my baby overnight to look after. Back at home with a a toddler and a baby and my husband moved into the spare room.

I learned then that when I was at my most vulnerable I couldn’t rely on him for help. When someone tells you/shows you who they are……

I don’t think I could be in the same house with him anymore let alone sleep with the pig 😳

Put them in motion then. Please leave this disgusting excuse for a man. How dare he treat you that way and say those things to you. I feel angry for you. You need to end this relationship and leave as soon as you possibly can and don't look back. You deserve way more than this.

OP, a bit different situation as my friend was desperate to be a mum.
Her DH behaved very similarly to yours with the first baby, and then again with the second, and then again with the third…until she finally worked out she’d have less work to do looking after the kids on her own. She was the one desperate for kids though, I don't know how keen he ever was on the idea really.

If you were my daughter I’d be encouraging you to separate as quickly as possible. If he’s like this at 30ish, believe me he will be a delight by the time he gets old and miserable!

I would have left him. How can anyone watch someone they love suffer like that?!

hope the separation goes well. Your soon to be ex sounds horrible.

Id never get over that. Dh played golf 2 days after we got home from hospital with DD and I still kind of resent it 6 years later

If you have a big supportive family and own your own home then I say that you are also not the best parent for having the options to leave and you are choosing to stay. Even worse for entertaining a second of this irresponsible idea of having a baby. You should have kicked him out a very long time ago. And don't say he's a 'great dad', no great father treats their newborn and wife that way.

Absolutely get rid of him. You don’t need him in your life. What an asshole for the way he’s treated you

Defo not unreasonable. I'd seriously consider if my life wouldn't improve without him in it. Sounds like a man child.

Oh my god, I cannot comprehend even treating a complete stranger the way he treated you, let alone someone I supposedly "love", who's just given birth to my child.

I'm glad you don't love him. He doesn't deserve your love. He doesn't deserve a single minute more of your time.

And for what it's worth, plenty of dads DO step up and not treat their partners like shit.

Drop him like a stone, love. You can do SO much better. You'd be better off alone than with a vile specimen like that.

I think this is one of the most horrific things I've read on here and I've been around for a long time.
Please, for the sake of you and your child, leave. Go be with your family.

Get the fuck out of there! What are you waiting for?

He sounds utterly vile. How you can bear to be in the same room as him I don't know.

Well that was relatively easy. I sent him a couple of messages this morning explaining that I didn’t see there was much point in him returning to my home when this work trip ends. He said he’s been wanting to leave anyway and there’s someone better for him waiting.

You are still having sex with that scum?
How on earth do you allow him near you?

Pack his bags and get him out.
Do not even think of having another child with him.
Unbelievable.

I hope you’re ok op, don’t take anything he says to heart and just be thankful you are in a great position to get rid of him.

Great news.
Life will get a lot better.
Please stay far away from men in general until you learn boundaries and self value snd self respect.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help with this.

You deserve so much better than this.

Omg OP! What an absolute gem of a man!
Change your locks and put his stuff in bags and take it to his mums or wherever.

And then get yourself a glass of wine and toast your future without this loser

Good, set things in motion asap re solicitors etc before his new gf realises what a dick he is and before he starts demanding a share of marital assets or having the DC 50/50. Seriously, consult a solicitor and take a family member with you to remember stuff and ask questions - write a list - two heads are better than one.

Thrilled to read your update! Well done - cheers to you on taking the first step of your new life!! You deserve so, so very much better.

Ok I’ll caveat that this was an Instagram reel advice but it really fits here. If you give someone a glass of water but you piss in it first and then add sugar no amount of sugar is going to change the fact that there is piss in the water. Your DH is the piss in your relationship and no amount of adding sugar to the relationship on your side or even on his side is ever going to change that. Honestly that is up there with the worst of MN relationships. He is a truly vile man. The fact that he didn’t want to been seen mistreating you in the hospital and pretended to help tells very seriously that he knew what he was doing was wrong too, he is absolutely vile.

That is probably one of the most harrowing things I’ve ever read on here. If anyone is psychotic in your relationship it’s most definitely him. Please leave him OP he is the scum of the earth sort and deserves to die alone. Take care of yourself.

Im so sorry I just read your latest update. This is a blessing in disguise for you even though it may not feel like it. Tread carefully because he may try and cause problems further down the line as men who are as controlling as he is don’t let go easily. I can see him coming back with promises to change and love bombing you when he realises he suddenly realises that his actions have come home to roost. He is a disgrace of a man who will only go on to hurt other people. If he is to be believed then he has been trying to get you pregnant when he already has been seeing someone else!? No respect for any woman and his partner of abuse will just continue with the next woman who falls into his trap. Well done for taking that huge step forward and I’m so pleased for you that you’re financially independent of him and own your own home. I really do wish you the very best of luck moving forward.

Better times are ahead for you!! Sending strength