To not ask the bride to approve my outfit for the wedding

[Cupcakemum79]

Well basically this.. apparently all the other friends and family have sent her pictures of what the were planning to wear for her wedding. She made some scathing remarks about her sister in law who wanted to buy a dress she would also be able to wear after the wedding. Apparently that's shameful behaviour, just like wearing a black dress. Also, not realising that I am now also a size 14, she was very insulting about the fact that her sister in law thought that wearing shapewear might make the dress she wanted suitable (of course she didn't get to buy that, but instead had to buy what was deemed suitable buy the bride 'for her size'.

I should say, that me and 2 other friends were regarded by her as 'like bridesmaids' but not officially... well that also means we are expected to be at her house at 8 in the morning on the wedding day watching her get dressed, make up, hair done etc. But even after spending a lot of time and money organising her hen's do (well 2 days actually instead of 1 to accommodate her sister in law, we are expected to organise and pay for our own hair dresser. How we are going to fit in if we have to spend the entire morning a her house I don't know. Also we are not invited to dinner, only the parents and the witnesses.

So I guess the fact that she now expects to approve my outfit just grates with me. Feels like she has one a bit bridezilla to me.

Also - there are no dress rules on the invitation and last year she still said that we should just wear what we like.. (guess that has changed(

So am I unreasonable?
YES you are being unreasonable - this is her wedding and it's normal that she wants to make sure everyone wears something that fits her idea of the wedding.
NO - you are not being unreasonable and this sounds a bit bridezilla

I had to fight so hard not to give her my opinion on how she had treated her sister in law over her dress. The way she showed us a picture and said 'well it's like a size 16 trying to fit into a 14, and I told her that shapewear wouldn't help, so no she couldn't wear the dress'. I know that the SIL doesn't have anywhere near her income and that the SIL does have other difficulties I felt so very sorry for the SIL and so very angry at her

How on earth could you have heard this bitching and stayed silent, and then not said that you wouldn’t be attending

I felt so very sorry for the SIL and so very angry at her

but not quite enough to actually do or say anything

Nightmare! I wouldn't go - she sounds a right PITA.

Huh? Who except for the bride, and actual bridesmaids if there are any, ever buys a wedding outfit that they CAN'T wear for other things afterwards?

Bride sounds nuts. Don't pander to her.

Sod that for a game of soldiers, I'd be planning for a nice night out with my DP or a quiet night in with a good film & bottle of wine.

There's nothing worse than an entitled, selfish bride.

Well, I was quite hung over and anything I would have said would have been completely without filter I know.. doesn't mean that she won't still be hearing my opinion after this dreadful wedding business is over.

Anyway, have already told her and the friends that no one will receive pictures from me of possible outfits. I have said that as long as I am expected to pay for the outfit myself I will buy whatever I want and will not be playing any games with approvals.
As expected I am now the bitchy, difficult one who doesn't join into the 'fun' in the yes of bride and some friends..oh well..

Why not go dress completely inappropriately and give them something to really talk about?

I wouldn't ask the bride if my outfit was ok with her, and I would certainly buy something I'd wear again - how not? You aren't bridesmaids. She's bridezillah.

Beautiful dress, the sleeves are gorgeous, and ideal for a wedding. I'd have chosen the paler pink too. In no way is that remotely bridal. If I was the bride, I'd feel honoured that a guest had gone to the trouble of finding such a lovely outfit. The real reason is that you looked fabulous and the bride was furious that you were no longer the fat friend, but looked much better than she did! She did a dreadful thing to you because she was jealous.

Congratulations on getting fit too. Five stones weight loss is an great achievement.

If she asks what you're wearing to the wedding just tell her you've not decided yet. You have a few ideas but not 100% sure. Once you have your outfit just don't tell her & if she asks just keep saying you're still not sure & will see how you feel on the day. If you're paying for your own outfit & you're not an 'official Bridesmaid' then she really doesn't have any say as to what you wear. It'd be different if she were paying for a bridesmaid dress, then you'd have to suck it up but not if she's not contributing at all.

I paid for my dd's dress for both my siblings weddings, and I think £60 is pretty standard for a bridesmaid dress. I think you are letting your opinions about their extravagance cloud your judgement. If they were having a cheap registry office weddings you probably wouldn't bat an eye lid. Their weddings does sound ridiculously expensive and inwardly I would think they are idiots for wasting their money on all that. However if my dd wasn't a bridesmaid I would still need to get her a dress.

You don’t have to go to her house on the morning of the wedding, you can wear any appropriate outfit you like and can your hair done by who you want or do it yourself. Why aren’t you making decisions for yourself?