To not ask the bride to approve my outfit for the wedding

[Cupcakemum79]

Well basically this.. apparently all the other friends and family have sent her pictures of what the were planning to wear for her wedding. She made some scathing remarks about her sister in law who wanted to buy a dress she would also be able to wear after the wedding. Apparently that's shameful behaviour, just like wearing a black dress. Also, not realising that I am now also a size 14, she was very insulting about the fact that her sister in law thought that wearing shapewear might make the dress she wanted suitable (of course she didn't get to buy that, but instead had to buy what was deemed suitable buy the bride 'for her size'.

I should say, that me and 2 other friends were regarded by her as 'like bridesmaids' but not officially... well that also means we are expected to be at her house at 8 in the morning on the wedding day watching her get dressed, make up, hair done etc. But even after spending a lot of time and money organising her hen's do (well 2 days actually instead of 1 to accommodate her sister in law, we are expected to organise and pay for our own hair dresser. How we are going to fit in if we have to spend the entire morning a her house I don't know. Also we are not invited to dinner, only the parents and the witnesses.

So I guess the fact that she now expects to approve my outfit just grates with me. Feels like she has one a bit bridezilla to me.

Also - there are no dress rules on the invitation and last year she still said that we should just wear what we like.. (guess that has changed(

So am I unreasonable?
YES you are being unreasonable - this is her wedding and it's normal that she wants to make sure everyone wears something that fits her idea of the wedding.
NO - you are not being unreasonable and this sounds a bit bridezilla

Good for you!

It would also be a record of something that was absolutely not her wedding.

It’s beyond contrived. It’s utterly faux.

It was similar to this one but a few shades paler more of a baby pink with a rose pink floral pattern

… I mean she should probably borrow some cute children and get them photographed for Christmas cards for the coming decade, because once they actually arrive she’ll be so time pressured.

YABU, but not for the reason you cite, but for being so darn horrible about someone who is meant to be one of your best friends.
You don't have to do anything - speak to her about it, not bitch behind her back.

She doesn't have anything to fear either, I would never wear anything too casual or too close to white...I would definitely wear a nice dress, just not a very long/gala dress.

And yes I did want to buy something I could use again, I think that's just normal?
I had been thinking about black, since I don't think it's necessarily a mourning colour and also I do need a black dress. But apparently someone else was told very clearly by her that black is not for a wedding.

Then I was thinking navy or dark green, not too sober dress. That way I could definitely use it again for Christmas/New year or even maybe later on to go out for dinner if its wasn't too 'festive'.

Thanks for posting! Im invested 😂

Maybe they thought the pale pink would look white in photos? Shouldn’t matter with the floral pattern though!

I would take it as a compliment - maybe you just looked better than the bride 😂

Did you ever speak to her again after leaving?

I don't get the 'like bridesmaids' only, so not. Why did her own bridesmaids not arrange her hen do? If you are not regarded highly enough to be her bridesmaids, then she should of got her actual bridesmaids to arrange everything for her hen.
As far as the actual day go's, just a "sorry, can't be there for 8am as will be getting myself ready and having my own hair done". Should suffice.
Put off sending the pic by using various excuses along the way and give her a verbal description 😉

That's a lovely dress, what could be wrong with that??

Honestly, brides and weddings, who knew they could be so horrible?
Also, what happened to just being glad all your friends and family can be there at your wedding and having a good time?

She doesn't have any bridesmaids. She just has one witness and us three...

Buy and wear whatever you want and feel good in.
You are an adult paying for your own clothes and do not need her guidance or approval.
She is unlikely to say anything on the day and if she does just smile (and leave).
Honestly sounds ridiculous. You've spent enough money and have been very accommodating as it is

No that’s not at all bridal. Just looks like you made an effort 🤷🏻‍♀️

When did weddings get so ridiculous? Ok, I've been married a loooong time but mine went like this -

Hen night - out to a local pub with friends a week before the day.

Stag night - ditto (different pub)

My dress and bridesmaid s dresses made by a dressmaker in the village.

Reception in the village hall. Catering done by mums and aunties. Bar run by dad and uncles. We did hire a disco.

Wonderful, happy day with our nearest and dearest. No dramas over what anyone wore. Never gave it any thought.

The amounts spent and the 'rules' these days sound miserable.

OP, wear what you like and feel comfortable in. Going on statistics the marriage probably won't last anyway.

It was quite a bold floral pattern big flowers so I think even if it had appeared white the print would have made it look non bridal? I thought it was a perfect summer wedding guest dress but I was clearly wrong ! I don’t think I looked better that the bride at all but at the hen party a month before she seemed really off with me (we had been friends since uni) I’d been away abroad for 16 months and in that time had lost 5 stone and had more confidence as had always been quite overweight and frumpy and when she saw me she just seemed horrified said I looked ‘unwell’ and was really off then at the wedding the dress issue just made me think no we’ve all moved on here and this isn’t a real friendship now and I haven’t spoken to her since

I’m can’t believe you are being so wet about this. I had a friend who I liked a lot. She was easy relatively easy going and fun to be around.

During her wedding planning she got worse and worse, until I said “G, you are making everyone’s lives difficult, stressful and expensive, for what should be a happy event.” She went ballistic, I stepped down as a bridesmaid, and didn’t attend the wedding (2 of us did this), the others just rolled over and kept letting her abuse them.

A few months after, she reached out to me and partly apologised. I assumed it had just been temporary Bridezilla fever, and gave her a chance. Turned out she was pregnant and started talking about her baby shower etc and sounded just as awful as she had been about her wedding and hen do.

I knew I needed to cut the “friendship” off and I told her that she had changed beyond recognition and I didn’t feel we had anything in common anymore. I’m sure she thinks I behaved appallingly, but I’ve never looked back (this was about 8 years ago!)

I can't work out the dynamics of this at all.. so you are going to the ceremony, but not the dinner and then to a party afterwards? It all sounds very odd

Bride sounds awful. The entitlement is obscene.

It does sound like your weight loss made her feel insecure! Not a real friend but sorry you had to find out the way you did!

She might be your friend, but you're not hers.
Take the hint, you're an evening guest with benefits.

Sorry OP I think YABU! I think YABU to spend so much money and allow someone to tread all over you like this.

I can’t wrap my head around being a bridesmaid, but not officially, being asked to pay for everything but then having to disappear for the dinner and return in the evening

I have pulled out of 2 close friends weddings due to bridezilla behaviour. Weddings are a good way to work out who is truly a mate or who treats you like a mug

Honestly, brides and weddings, who knew they could be so horrible?

They can only be so horrible because people like you and your mates encourage the horrible behaviour, by going along with it and not speaking up.

Your own choices.

Odd to shell out money for a wedding planner, then do everything on the cheap. like no bridesmaids, a tiny dinner together etc. Maybe the 'wedding planner' is more of a 'budget manager' and her budget is quite small. Perhaps guilt or embarrassment about not being able to fund the usual wedding expectations has made her try to control the 'free' aspects of the wedding. She didn't want to fork out for bridesmaids dresses, so next best thing is to ensure her 'bridesmaids/ friends' dresses co-ordinate in some way?

I'm trying to get past you being a close enough friend to pay for her hen do but you aren't invited to dinner.

If she wants a small wedding with dinner with just family afterwards, that is absolutely fine, but she shouldn't have let you organise and pay for her hen do, because that is rude and bizarre.

No I would not ask her to approve my outfit ahead of time because I am an adult, not a child.

She is going to be so embarrassed in a couple of years when she looks back on this.

Also adding to my comment it’s not easy pulling away and it broke my heart having to say no to being a friends chief bridesmaid but she treated me awful, wanted me to pay for her hen do and asked me to pay for the wedding cars. She said she was having a breakfast in the morning with her family, I was invited along as she wanted us to be there with a couple other bridesmaids but she couldn’t pay for our meal so can we bring our own food.

you can’t control her bridezilla behaviour, but you can absolutely control your reaction to it. Do you want to be a mug?

Mine was similar and so was my sister's. Such a good day. Decided in March we wanted to set the date, married in June.