To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

I'd just make a gentle joke about not being his alarm clock and suggest he maybe set himself a reminder next week?!

(From a person who genuinely would not get through the week without my frequent reminders going off...!)

Why the hell should you 'remind' him ffs??

He's an adult. He'll just have to deal with the consequences of his ineptitude.

I'd bet money on the fact that if it was a work thig he had to get done on a particular day, he'd not 'forget' to do it !

Also, what ever you do, DON'T 'help' him 'fix it' either, cos if you do, he'll never bother to 'remember' !

Tell him you're not his mum. He is aware he wears clothing. He is aware clothes need washing and you are surprised he is not embarrassed to admit he needs help to carry out such a basic task.

You're both unreasonable tbh. No it's not your job to remind him, so his comment is ridiculous.

But if I see the tumble drier or washing machine empty when I know my husband is meant to do a wash, I simply ask him when he is planning to do it. Sometimes he had forgotten so it's a reminder, the same way he reminds me of things when it looks like I've forgotten.

It sounds like a normal thing to do to me...

Of course you shouldn't have to remind him - he's a grown adult.

I would find it immensely unattractive to be married to someone who needed reminding about basic tasks.

It's annoying to have to remind someone. But it's very odd to be married to someone you presumably love and watch as they fail at something. I wonder how people would feel if this was a man watching a woman fuck up.

You have a very odd relationship.

You don't need to justify not doing his washing. Does he justify not doing yours?

He messed up and is looking to put the blame elsewhere. I would be very clear that it's not your job to keep track of him and his chores, and he can fuck off if you blames you again.

It shows his arrogance and how he thinks of you.

"Why didn't you remind me!"

"Um coz I'm not your mum" shrug shoulders and walk away.

I wouldn't remind him, but I would say ' oh the dryer is free. I think I'll use it' and then see his reaction. And he needs to set a reminder on his phone, just like lots of us do.

On its own no but dh and I both remind each other sometimes of things so I could not remember than deliberately not say anything

You're meant to be a team, working together.

Why wouldn't you remind him? For spite, so you can say told you so?

It seems so petty and childish.

So presumably he takes no responsibility for the kids washing?

It depends why you didn't mention it. If it was to set him up to fail then I feel that would be petty, if you also forgot then that would be understandable. Going forward I would suggest he sets a calendar reminder on his phone.

I agree with @randomchap you are meant to be a team working together, reminding him to do something isn't being his Mum, it is about preventing him now needing the machine which may inconvenience your schedule, him not having a clean shirt for work and him potentially having stress from grabbing an unclean one from the laundry basket. You are not doing his laundry, that would be a mother thing to do.

Yeah I know. I do mine, our shared DCs and my DSC's washing though. So I feel I do enough. He asked for the day. I don't feel it's anything to do with me if he doesn't use his day.

He does not

No. Mental load for women is high enough. All you’d be doing is teaching him that he doesn’t need to think about what he’s responsible for.

We do similar and I tend to say I didn’t notice, it’s not my responsibility to notice or remember.

Except in most houses teamwork seems to be somewhat one sided.

YANBU. You do his own childrens washing, that's more than enough. If he's not happy he should buy you all a tumble dryer so it's done quicker.

If that's the case in OPs house then that certainly needs addressing.

I just don't see how letting him fail and cause extra stress is a good thing. It sounds like a new system set up, a quick reminder isn't onerous.

I don't think you should have to remind him.
I used to tie myself in knots ensuring everyone had what they needed, two years ago I said no more and made it clear there was certain things I wouldn't be doing and reminding him and his daughter of washing was one of them.
What I did do if I saw the airer empty on a Sunday though was check with her that she didn't need it so it was a reminder I suppose but ensured I could go ahead and use it myself

Does he remind you when it's your washing day? Washing days for his kids? No? Didn't think so. There we go.

I suspect that’s what him doing his own washing is part of. It’s not hard. Have you seen the wash your own pants clip- cracks me up

www.facebook.com/reel/1001081748226790?mibextid=rS40aB7S9Ucbxw6v

But you noticed he was going to have issues on Monday and decided not to tell him? That's not great

If the balance of housework overall is unfair then you need to actually sort that. Don't just ignore potential issues as they won't directly affect you.

That needs to change, he needs to do his kids washing at the very least