To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

This. You’re not a team at the moment. All washing needs to be put into a shared washing basket and you both need to be taking turns doing loads, so the washing as a whole is shared. The way it is now he’s like a single man.

FFS you actually separate his washing and you do yours and the kids and leave his and he has a day to do his, surely that makes it more bloody complicated.

Surely chucking it all in together is the easiest thing

How complicated can your work schedule be that you can't chuck a load in at night and hang it in the day, or vice versa?

Sorry but I think you're being pedantic

Se tried this but either DH would just ignore it so the " team" was me or my DS would say they had no washing then " tidy" his room and deposit anything on the floordrobe in the laundry bin with " I need this done now" umm nope
So I just told them I was washing just my stuff.
Absolute bliss, usually one light/ dark wash every other week and one bedlinen/ towel wash.
Bizarrely they liked it and DS suddenly kept his room tidier and would come down with his stuff on a Saturday morning, wash it,dry it and sniff it as he put it away 😂

Works for me and they both were respectful, asking if the machine was available if they needed something off schedule.
Men are perfectly capable of doing their own cleaning /laundry , so I let them.

What would you do if I got knocked over by a bus?
This is now my answer to EVERYTHING!

RTFT
He has odour issues and needs antibacterial in his laundry
Also I think it's way more efficient to do it separately, wash, dry put away
No sorting through the piles, lost socks etc

For those saying why doesn't the OP remind him, or why doesn't she do it herself, please read this "You should have asked" on the Mental Load.

This is why.

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

I do actually love to see men fail. His fault. His issue. His mistake. Let's hope he doesn't do it again.

I personally think that men need to be impacted before they full understand that actions have consequences.

Don't remind him. Ever.

In our house, the onus is on the person putting the load on to ensure that there is sufficient drying space available. If it isn't, we'll wait and put it on later. Unless it's really urgent, in which case we just find a way of managing it.

We each do our own (no dc). We will usually ask each other if they need the machine before sticking in a load in the same way that I would ask if he wants to use the bathroom before I shower (one bathroom). I’m not pampering him, we are just polite.

It’s petty to have it noticed and not mention it.

If he hasn't " noticed" aka CBA to realise he will need clean shirts, pants etc then why on earth would she?
It's a clear message saying I'm a child who can't manage my own stuff.
Guess what, he won't forget again.
That's how being an adult works

I did read the thread, and I am sorry, I still think chuck it all in together with the anti bacterial stuff. Surely leaving smelly washing all week will make it worse??

That actually sounds worse leaving a smelly shirt etc from Monday to Saturday - how much worse would it smell 6 days later?

As a one off, I’d have reminded him. If he’s expecting reminders every week, that’s different and he needs a system which works for him, but just once I would. It’s not my job to, but but I’d want to be helped if I’d forgotten something so happy to prompt someone else.

If he reminds you of various things through the week, then it's about 10% understandable that he wished you had reminded him. Except for that he has absolutely no reason to have a go about it. You should just reply with "Oh well, when do you think you'll remember to do it, and I'll see if I can change my schedule to accomodate".

Tell him how off putting it is to be treated like his mother.

why isn’t he doing some if his children’s laundry. He sounds like a lodger not a dad

I wouldn't want to wash my stuff on a hot wash with antibacterial.
His shirts, he's agreed he will do them, his issue
So glad my DH is an adult

It takes all of 2 minutes to set a reminder / calender into your phone though, so yes, politeness suggests it one off, if she noticed. However now it's been thrown in her face, it's now a"him" problem for him to resolve.

I'm guessing (1) this isn't really about laundry, (2) It's about division of chores generally, (3) OP previously did everyone's laundry, (4) refused to do DH's laundry, (5) he's trying to undermine the strategy with weaponised incompetence (6) he used the dryer yesterday, when it's not "his day" to make a point

He is a grown ass man. I’m sorry but if this was the other way round everyone would think it was completely unreasonable that a grown adult needed reminding to do their own washing.

DH and I have seperate washing and I also do the kids too. No issues with that. He manages one load of washing a week and I manage three. He pulls his weight in other ways around the house. If he had the nerve to tell me I should have reminded him to do his own washing I’d be considering our whole relationship!

Tell him you didn't remind him because he is a grown man who needs to take responsibility and ensure he has clean clothes and stop being a man child.

The problem here is that you noticed he hadn’t done it and just thought oh it’s free I might do some, knowing that he would need to. Now, instead of a simple-is the machine free and him getting to do his washing, it now WILL impact you as he is going to have to do his washing on one of your designated days. 🤷‍♀️

There are a lot of people who seem to think they have the one valid approach to family laundry here this morning 🙄We do all family member's laundry separately in our household and it works extremely well for us, but every family seems to have their own system.

Anyways

I can't believe his first impulse was to blame you. It's kind and loving to remind your partner of things here and there if you've noticed they've forgotten something. But at no point is it your responsibility more than his, so him blaming you is completely out of order. If one of my teenagers forgot to wash something they knew they needed and "why didn't you remind me!?" was the first thing out of their mouth I would be unimpressed; I'd certainly expect more of a grown man.

A lot of couples on here must absolutely hate each other, the absolute glee in watching each other fail, me and partner have each others backs and think nothing of reminders or picking up after each other, someone will be along in a minute with that bloody ‘my wife left me because I left my glass by the sink’ or whatever it is, I just put his bloody glass in the dishwasher and go in my way, he does things like that for me!

Yes it's the blaming her that's the issuev

YANBU,
I don't think there's a person on the planet that doesn't know when Saturday arrives, for your DH it's also the day he does his washing it comes round every week, no surprise! I'm sure you don't have to tell him its Monday don't forget to go to work.

This sounds like what normal adults do.
Of course there'll be loads of posts saying you're not his mum / skivvy / maid whatever but do you never forget something? Do you never need reminding? When you saw the airer was empty i don't believe for a minute that you thought he didn't need it. Given that your schedule is so complicated he needs a specific day and does this every week, we're you not just being petty?