To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

it sounds more complicated and expensive doing the washing separately. How difficult is it to put it all in together? It’s not like you are standing over a washboard and mangel.

I think it depends a bit on whether or not you realised that he had forgotten. It isn't your job to remind him, obviously, and he's an adult who needs to take responsibility for himself, but if you realised that he had forgotten and didn't say anything, that wouldn't be the actions of a kind and loving partner either.

From my reading of the OP, though, it sounds like you realised he hadn't done any but assumed that he had what he needed rather than thinking that he had actually forgotten. On that basis, you were not BU.

Wouldn't it be easier to each put in a load when the basket is full.

Or the airer is free.

Why not just both take responsibility for all washing so it gets done?

I don't remind my DH because a) he's an adult who seems to manage perfectly fine at work or when it comes to his hobbies, so I assume he can manage household tasks too and b) I am not his mother.

I don’t do DH’s work washing but I do everyone else’s. It’s a ball ache keeping on top of it all and making sure you time it with having the airer space. Have explained to DH many times but he invariably waits until he has a mountain and then whines there is no airer space or tries to remove stuff that’s not dry. Sometimes I will tell him the airers are free you should get some washing on and then he forgets.

I think as you kindly remember to do his kids washing without his input he’s got no place whining to you that he forgot. I mean what grown adult doesn’t think hmm work on Monday will need clean clothes.

So OP should do all of it? Because she already does hers and everybody else's, and seems to manage just fine without someone "reminding her".

Absolutely this!
Does he remind her it's Laundry day, Grocery shopping day, Cleaning day?
Yeah thought not

I wouldn't remind him, and would shut him down in an instant if he asked why I hadn't.

We have a washing rota and each have set days. If my husband forgets on his day (or I do on mine!), he wouldn't dream of blaming me. He just puts it on at the next opportunity (working around the schedule, he doesn't "jump the queue") and lives with the consequences. I'm usually not even aware it's happened

If you had a successful rota in place and he was a responsible adult then I can see doing him a favour and pointing out if he seemed to have forgotten one week. But if from day one he’s already making zero effort to remember himself and making it clear he sees it as your job to remind him, he's clearly not seeing this as a team effort or acting in good faith so why should you?

How many women need a reminder to do laundry?

I always see these comments on MN and never understand them. We all do our own laundry in our house, but i always have a full load. Is it that you have very few clothes and need to wash things more frequently? Is it that you're very careful about only washing the same colour together? Or is it that you re-wear all your clothes multiple times?

Exactly - or any other number of household tasks 🙄

In our household if DH tried this, it would be a running joke forever more

Every time, I came out of the toilet, I would look reproachfully at him and ask why he hadn't reminded me to wipe my bottom

My dh got assigned ‘the dark wash’. That is about 2 washes a week so I didn’t need to separate anything out unnecessarily.

To me that was a great plan. We have separate washing bins my colour (white, dark, colours). It would be easy for him to see when his job was due. Nope, he just let it overflow, waited to be told (and he had to be told because it contained school uniforms!). At least this way it’s only him that feels the consequences of his own actions.

There is a reason I am now part time 🤦‍♀️

That's obviously too simple.

But seeing as he had " forgotten" on Sat is thee any reason he couldn't have just done the washing when he remembered? I don't understand why it would need to be a "day"

When my DS was at home either if us just used the machine when it was empty . Didn't have specific days

I’d’ve laughed and asked if he thought I was his mum.

I usually do the washing for everyone because I know which stuff hanging up is ready to come off or what's just been done. I can't be doing with someone else doing a random wash and then having nowhere to hang it as I don't have a tumble dryer and the stuff hanging up is still wet.

Well he'll learn through consequence won't he. My DH was terrible at remembering to do things (typically one-off things like picking up medication for the cat rather than regular things like bin day, which he's better at).

I got tired of reminding him in advance so just started letting him forget, and then he'd have to sort out whatever inconvenience that forgetting led to. Interestingly enough he's now become much better at remembering!

He has odour issues and smart shirts me and the kids have washing that can just be bunged in. We also have various work patterns and the dsc washing I like to make sure is done so I just to the two of theirs in one wash.

That's why he has been given a day.

I'd be pissed off that he thought it was up to me to remind him, rather than up to him to remember.

This is why he has a day. I plan around this day to make sure there's capacity in the system

That is reminding him.

I even notice when his special anti bacterial stuff is running low and buy more

Things work better if you work together generally, so I don't get why you didn't say to him "didn't you need to do a wash?"

But both me and dh wouldn't do that. we'd either just do it or say to the other one "are you okay to do XXX?" I mean, I've forgotten something that is day critical before how and so's he. The other one reminding us helps and is no skin off anyone's nose.