To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

This is why women have to or are expected to take on all the families life admin - even for OH. And we never get respite. That being said…

My OH washes his own shirts- diff temperature and drip dries so he doesn’t have to iron. That’s on him. I didn’t even know he was doing this until 1) I had a very rare white wash and asked where was his shirts so I could add in my stuff and 2) where the f** was the iron because he MUST have been the last to use it.

Turns out he has being doing this since lockdown c 2021.😆

if you let them get on with it, they do train themselves. I wonder how men who are single cope?🤔

This

She didn’t maliciously not remind him. 🙄

She assumed he didn’t need to do laundry for the week and he didn’t tell her he hadn’t either on Saturday so why is the onus on her to check that he washed his clothes?!

As a pp said, I doubt he would be expected to remind OP to wash her clothes.

Not everyone washes their clothes every week. My DH doesn’t nor do I. The only thing really washed every week is the kids’ uniform clothes.

DH would look at me sideways if I reminded him to wash his own clothes. He is a grown adult after all.

He's a grown up. If he can't remember that he needs to do a weekly wash, I'd seriously question whether he should be allowed to drive a car. God, it really annoys me when men whine like this - he's not a bloody teenager.

Why does he do his washing? Why isn't there just a washing basket that everyone is responsible for?

Because he's a lazy twat.

Be proactively helpful

Oh yes, BE KIND, know your place, woman! Poor man needs to be helped and shouldn't have to ask because the little woman should be looking out for him and being proactively helpful.

How come the man isn't told to be proactively helpful?

Why doesn't he be "proactively helpful" and do his share of the washing then?

Ugh, what a horrible phrase 🤢🤮

He is. I offer precisely the same advice to both of them.

If you’re putting washing in the machine for your DC, your DSC and yourself, what’s the harm in putting some of DH washing in? You say you have a complicated work schedule, isn’t this just adding to your complicated life? Why not put all the washing in, put it all on the dryer at the same time, why don’t you and DH do this as a team?

why don’t you and DH do this as a team?

You mean, why doesn't she just do it all? Husband can't even manage his own washing, what are the chances he will manage everybody else's washing?

Why doesn't her DH do the same? Might he get his dick stuck in the door?

You're a partnership. Would it have hurt you to ask him why he hadn't done a wash?

Only women are expected to be kind and proactively ensure the household runs, while the other adult in the house is sitting there demanding that he needs to be given a precise task list, plus reminders when the tasks need to be done. But also if they are reminded, they call it nagging.

OP didn't maliciously look at DHs laundry pile and gleefully wait for him to forget. It's not her job, so she didn't check up on the progress.

In our household, DH is in charge of dog feeding, including making sure we have enough in stock and ordering more in due time. I don't remind him to order, that's not malicious, I simply don't check and have this task on my do-to list. If we are out, I certainly don't think it was malicious or petty of me not to remind him, or I should have been proactive.

Would it have hurt him to remember to do his own laundry and do it on the day he chose?

Would it have hurt him to be aware of what he needed and put a reminder in his phone?

Again, he is a grown man and it is his laundry. He holds a job, and doubtful his boss has to remind him to do xyz.

People tend to remember what they prioritise, it is not a partner’s job to check and make sure a grown person (barring disabilities) has remembered to wash their own clothes.

He knew he needed his shirts. He didn’t tell OP he did or even ask her to remind him. She is not a mind reader or psychic.

"He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing."

How unusual.

I didn’t mean just the OP do all the washing, I said do it this way as a team, if he needs some washing doing he can also put some washing in. Be adults, both put washing in when it friggin needs doing.

realistically now, if he needs to be reminded to do just his own washing, what are the chances he will remember everyone else's?

She seems to have explained why it does not work and it would likely end up in her doing all of it.

Why is a “partnership” women taking on the full emotional labour and most of the domestic labour too?

So she is supposed to not only monitor what she is assigned to do but also monitor his workload and make sure he does it?

And this is how women end up being 100% responsible for the domestic and emotional load. Because even when she manages to get her male partner to take on one task it becomes her job to monitor and remind him to do it.

Hard agree.

And this is how women end up doing it all because they are then expected to monitor their partner and remind him of household tasks he committed to doing. And people think this is “reasonable” for her committing to doing the thinking and remembering on behalf of another grown adult.

You do realise though in these situations where it falls to the woman to “remind” her male partner she soon finds herself in a situation where he leaves all emotional labour to her and where it becomes her job, to remind him each week and ensure it’s done, like a child.

Even if she did notice to avoid falling into that situation you have to leave them to it.

It’s amazing how “being a team” is always the woman taking on more and more and more of the domestic and emotional labour.

She is doing 80% so her doing more is “teamwork”.

Interesting.