To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

I'll bet you that he's never once had to remind her to do laundry.

It sounds like laundry is done by her more often. If I do something daily, I rarely forget. If I do something once a week, I'm more likely to forget.

Thinking of my own relationship, if I think he's forgot to put the bins out for example, I'll remind him, not stay quiet and wait to see it go tits up.
We have a good relationship and my partner pulls his weight, we help each other out. Maybe OPs relationship isn't good, maybe he's lazy. I'd rather get that sorted out than play silly games though, my mum used to do that with my dad and it was a miserable existence. If he's lazy, he changes or fuck him off.

No, but if you can’t have a proper conversation and reach a solution with the man you supposedly love and who loves you what’s the point?

👏👏👏

If you noticed he needed to do washing and hadn’t mentioned it, that’s petty. But it sounds like you noticed the non washing machine use but not joined the dots that that meant he wouldn’t have shirts. Nor should you.
I dont have the headspace or organisational skills to cede the washing machine for a day so do it all, my problem and no one else’s. It’s also manageable- only three of us here now, less washing and I can have a batch of shirts washed and ironed in about 90 minutes. When the dc were at school and DH wore 5 ironed shirts/ week I outsourced it.

I think that’s what used to happen only this ‘we’ was just the op doing everything for herself, her partner, their children and his children. She’s being very generous really, the opposite of petty- in her situation my partner would be doing half of the washing full stop, including the kids and the household, folding and putting it away, or he’d have nothing to wear and he’d be single.

Was that supposed to be patronising?? 🤣 oh honey, you’ll have to try a lot harder than that with me. You’re right, life IS short, so find something more productive to do than trolling women’s posts and putting them and their relationships down

If he's not pulling his weight then that absolutely needs addressing.

However, seeing that your partner is about to fail and not warning them is petty and point scoring.

When I said they are meant to be a team I did mean both of them. I just fail to see how not mentioning it can have any positive outcome. It'll just add to the resentment that seems to be already there in this relationship.

So what, sit the kids down and explain the family is now broken and they'll have to split time between mummy and daddy, in new, inferior homes, because they refused to come up with a solution?

You aren't being helpful. People can't just split families because one person isn't fully pulling their weight. If you view relationships so simply and disposably, then what's the point?

You mean he is being petty, blaming her for not knowing whether he needed clean shirts right? She is doing 3/4 people washing in that house, I don’t think she needs to keep track of his clothing too!

You are right not to have reminded him. He is a fully grown adult and you are already carrying the bulk of the family washing mental load, including keeping his special anti bac stuff 'in stock'?!. Ugh. He needs to set himself a reminder as others have said. Its the very least he can do. 🤷‍♀️

Yes I did and so did the Op
My DH agreed and everything is fine, he pulls his weight, does his laundry and all of the cleaning.
I do my laundry, all the cooking and shopping.
Her DH agreed, then didn't do his laundry but blamed her.

Why are women blamed for everything?

'Oh, I didn't notice'

Agreeing that something is not my job means exactly that - not just that I don't need to do it. But that I don't need to think about it, I don't need to remember, I don't need to anticipate, I don't need to plan. If I still need to do all that, it's still mostly my job.

Or he could do what DH does with non-daily tasks and use the calender app on his phone to remind him instead of expecting OP to assign him more of her own headspace than should be necessary.

Recurring reminder on phone "Do washing" 8am every Saturday.

Job done.

Hmmm. Except he’s not much of a team player if she does all the laundry for everyone else is he?
Presumably he’s doing his own laundry because she had enough on her plate and was fed up with doing it all, but instead of him thinking “oh gosh yes, we’re a team I should do half the laundry workload here for the whole family as an equal partner and teammate” he elects to do only his own and then can’t even manage that. And then blames her.
There’s someone in this situation who isn’t a good team mate but it isn’t OP.

Maybe he does other things.

If he doesn't and OP is doing the majority, he's an arse and the bigger questions are why is he leaving everything to OP, why doesn't he think of his partner, how did that become the norm and why is she allowing it?

If a grown man is competent enough to hold down a job, he’s competent enough to put his clothes in the wash once a week (with his special detergent).

He’s not going to get into the habit of doing his washing on ‘his’ day until he accepts the responsibility for that is HIS, not yours.

Checking My Husband Has Done His Jobs Is not a task anyone ought to be shouldering. It fosters incompetence

She’s already said it didn’t occur to her at that moment that he had forgotten, she just thought he hadn’t needed to do a wash. She’s obviously doing the lion’s share of the laundry etc so I think she’s allowed to not be on track of how many clean shirts he has! Why is it ok for him to forget but not her?

So we go 'woman saint does everything man Homer Simpson does nothing'

That would certainly work as a longer term solution.

However it wasn't in place on Saturday and OP could have reminded her partner but chose not to. To me, that's just causing further issues, and is petty point scoring.

If he's a lazy dick who doesn't pull his weight then that needs looking at

Questions solve nothing though. They're in a family and need to find ways to make it work. They have, involving him doing his own laundry.

@coffeesaveslives @FasterMichelin I must have had good luck then because in 18 years of being together we've never had any issues with just doing what needs doing.

It the fact OP noticed and didn't say anything which is weird. She shouldn't have to pro actively remember and remind him, but if you notice, it's weird not to say something,

I noticed that my partner hadn't charged his laptop yesterday and needed it for today so I reminded him. He reminded me that I needed to return something for a refund on Saturday. We're both fully functioning adults but sometimes we forget stuff, I can't imagine being in a relationship where we'd notice something like that, know it may cause the other a problem, and not say something. What sort of relationship is that?

If it's that he's a lazy prick, then don't put up with it. Relationships are meant to bring good to your life and life is too short to put up with shit ones.

However, seeing that your partner is about to fail and not warning them is petty and point scoring.

No, it's assuming your partner is a grown adult who doesn't you to hold their hand constantly.

Imagine defending a grown man who isn't capable of washing his own pants without being reminded by a woman 😳

Questions solve nothing though. They're in a family and need to find ways to make it work. They have, involving him doing his own laundry.

Well obviously you act on the answers. It changes or you get rid!

To be honest, it's exactly what I would do with my kids to help them learn to be responsible for themselves. I might make a comment like "oh there's nothing on the airer" but I wouldn't nag him to get his wash on.

You're already doing more than your fair share washing HIS children's clothes.

I doubt he'll forget again.