To have not reminded him it's his washing day?

[Thfrog]

We have a complicated work schedule and various kids to juggle so my husband does his own washing. He asked if he could have a day allocated for him to do his washing. That was Saturday. That way it has a chance to dry on the airer inside. He hasn't done it and is now saying WHY DIDN’T YOU REMIND ME. As he now has no clean shirts.

I did think yesterday oh the airer is free I might do some washing but I just assumed that meant he hadn't needed to do washing on Saturday.

AIBU to have not mentioned it?

Does he have a smartphone? If so then he is perfectly capable of setting himself a weekly reminder.

This.

There comes a point in most people's lives where they just need to switch on, take responsibility and do what they know needs doing.
I'm all for mucking in and working as a team but you shouldn't need to constantly hold someone's hand, remind them, and help them with everything all th time. I bet the OP doesn't need reminding they need to do the washing, why? Because as a well-rounded responsible adult, they have figured out that if it doesn't get done they will have no clean clothes. It's the basics. If he doesn't figure this out after the first time it happens and gets his act together, it would wear me down too I would not keep propping them up, they're not my kids, they should know better. It's a very unattractive quality.

No I love my DH and DS to bits.
The issue is that the having each others backs " team" always works in one direction
The woman has everyone's backs but it's not reciprocated.
So instead of simmering with resentment under piles of laundry, I made a change.
A change that worked!

My DS does all the laundry for him and his partner.
I do mine, DH does his, I cook, he cleans
Perfect
Everyone happy

Exactly!! But you know that now this has happened, he won't forget again

Does he re.ind you to do your washing? If not, why not? Ah yes, you're an adult.

Nope, I love him to bits.

However he's a grown man and doesn't need (or want) to be seen as so incapable that he needs his wife to put his dishes away or to remind him to wash his pants.

Grown adults who need to be reminded to do the most basic tasks are deeply unattractive imo.

Why wouldn’t you do each others washing??

No, you shouldn’t have to remind him- he’s not 8. It does sounds a difficult system though- even if his things need to go in separately, him having one day (50% of weekend days) to do it and you having to do everything else sounds unfair and unworkable.

Well obviously not your job to
remind him but you know he has washing to do, you’d noticed he hadn’t done it so a sImple comment to him or has he forgotten to
do the washing would have been the correct thing to do. Over time me and my husband have jobs that have just randomly fallen to one of us to take responsibility for. Like last night we claimed into bed and I said did you remember to put brown bins out, he said shit I had forgotten, so ye got up and did it, came back to bed and said so pleased you reminded me as they are full. Or he might say did you remember to send my mum and birthday present (as that’s a task that has become mine) and I said yes I did, he thanked me and was forgotten about. Life’s busy, I can’t see any issue with reminding your partner about something especially when you are aware that they have clearly forgotten. It doesn’t really matter who’s role it is, your supposed to be a team

If you planned round it you wouldn't need to do yours on Saturday

I’d have reminded him. It’s part of being a team. He reminds me about stuff too.

We do our own washing but help each other out. We both hang or take clothes in. DC’s clothes are usually with mine but sometimes not.

There is one day a week DH likes to wash his work clothes so I ask him if he’s put it on yet when I see the washing machine is empty.

I think it’s fine if you didn’t remember because you’re not his calendar! But if you do notice an absence of a wash and you know the routine, maybe a heads up could be helpful.

You can't chuck whites in with bright blue towels.

It always amazes me that men can manage to do complicated, legally compliant, important and responsible things in their jobs but at home become half useless and any mistakes are the sole fault of their female partner. Strange.

She has an extremely common relationship, where it’s been assumed a woman does everything. And that woman, pissed off with the gross unfairness of it, says she’s not doing his washing any more. She’s still doing all of the household and their joint children’s washing as well as hers, so she’s still carrying the household, but she’s told the adult man who is supposedly her partner that he has to pull a teeny bit of weight by doing just his own washing. He promptly said that’s hard, I can only do it if we allocate me a day, and now says he can only do it if she reminds him that it’s Saturday and do you remember that discussion on washing where we agreed Saturday could be your wash day?
id say we talked about it, it’s now information that your brain has equal access to and is responsible for- my brain is still juggling doing every one else’s washing so if you also need reminders you will have to take another task off me, in a way that does not involve any reminders or thinking on my part.

being frustrated a man does not pull his weight and trying to get them to is about as far from an odd relationship or petty or childish as I can imagine.

Ok yes separate colours if you want, the chuck it all in together was meant for his, hers and the kids!

She didn’t NEED to. But it is reasonable to see an opportunity and take it. It’s like I don’t NEED dhs car Saturday. But if I can see he’s doing something else so won’t be using it for the next few hours and it would be convenient I may as well.

Think I'd move washing the towels to Monday, and give him Sunday to wash his shirts just as a one off. As I presume he'll need them for work Monday? I personally would have reminded him. Sometimes my husband's alarm doesn't go off as he's continually switching shifts. I ask him if he's supposed to get up and he always thanks me. Ask him to put a reminder into his phone for Saturdays, so it doesn't happen again.

An odd relationship would be keeping track of someone else's clothes to be able to establish whether they "fucked up" or simply didn't need to wash any clothes.
If my partner asked me to remind him of something, I would. But I wouldn't spontaneously offer a reminder if I see a drying rack empty. Why would I? I have to clue how many clean shirts he has/hasn't got.

I honestly couldn't live like this. It must be so awful to have such pettiness on a daily basis.

I hope you can find a nicer way to live.

My point was the holier than thou attitude of how well she plans.
She knew he'd forgotten.
She was making the point
And if this happened every week I'd fully agree but i can't see any reference to it being a regular occurence

Separating out the washing so all 5 of us had their own day was one of the best things I've done, laundry wise! Kids put their laundry in the basket in their room. On their day, they bring the basket down, I do the laundry, and hand them a basket of clean stuff to put away. No sorting. Lovely. As they got older, they started putting their laundry onto wash. By y12 they just do their own washing.

I do remind them if they forget, because I'm their mum. Unless I think they keep forgetting because they know they don't need to assign mental space to remembering because they think it's my job to remind them - then I let them learn the other way.

Either you have a DH who generally pulls his weight with tasks traditionally considered "women's work" or you haven't yet realised that like too many men, he sees women as the help humans.

So many women go into relationships expecting things to be equal but over time, somehow, without anyone asking, we find we are the defacto boss of household tasks, with everyone else delegating being on top of such tasks to us.

Men saying they're happy to help, but in practice leaving all the thinking about what needs to be done and when to women is so infuriating it inspired the creation of this cartoon strip "You should have asked" - well worth a read https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic?CMP=sharebtnurl

Even in households where both partners work full time, women still end up doing more housework than men. That won't change if we pretend it isn't happening or have a go at those are standing up to so many men's ingrained attitudes about women being the help humans, when we come across such sexism and entitlement in our own homes.

It's not your job to remind him. If I'd have realised I might have said are you not doing a wash? But I wouldn't be policing it.

My teen dd lets her washing pile up too