Fed up of DH wanting to 'talk' about my friends

[Boredofitall88]

Dh and I have been together years, and it's becoming more and more apparent that we have widely different sex drives. I'm happy with once a week, I don't think he would be satisfied if we were doing it 2 or 3 times a day!

We also both work full time and have 2 young children (9 & 4)

One thing that constantly puts me off is he likes to talk about other people, what he would do if they were there and constantly mentions wanting a threesome (like everytime we do anything.)

Problem is it's not just famous people, he starts bringing up my friends. He'll ask what i would do if they suddenly came on to him and would he have to say no etc

I know he wouldn't actually do anything (and it's really not likely to happen in real life as none of my friends are his biggest fan anyway) but it's draining.

He says I'm boring and he's just doing it ti make things more exciting but I find it awkward and I don't want to talk about people I know that way

He also constantly tells me that he could better and that I'm punching above my weight and would never find anyone else so this kind of talk doesn't really help

Grim. LTB.

This is really disgusting and disrespectful. You deserve better.

This isn't okay, OP, and you don't deserve it. If you both had a mutual kink about talking like this, then okay, but you don't. He should respect you more than to act like this. Also, telling you you're punching is incredibly rude, disrespectful and hurtful. In vino veritas - when he's had a drink he's showing you who he is. It'll only get worse. I'm sorry.

you don’t have to answer these. But I want you to think about this hard and answer to yourself honestly.

Does he get pissed off if you knock him back?
does he nag until you have sex?
do you feel like you have to do it to keep the peace?
do you do it to shut him up for a while?

Had a partner like this in my younger years.
He would sell everything to me as ‘this is what all men think I am just brave enough to say it!’
His obsession was a female friend of both of ours. He used to leer at her and it was mortifying. He told me her husband enjoyed all the attention and he loved it, too.

It was just horrible I voted with my feet. He had two young daughters from a previous relationships. He would constantly make sexual comments about women on TV to the point where they would ask him to stop.
It is not normal.
Whatever fantasies people have - and I get that they very widely! - it is up to a couple to decide what they are comfortable with. Him loading you with this when you have said ‘no’ is just as damaging as groping you without you wanting to be touched.

It damaged my confidence took me a while to recover. I couldn’t continue in a marriage like this. It would turn my stomach.

I know he wouldn't actually do anything

he would he is testing the water for permission.

What a disgusting pig. I don't know how you can even bear to be in the same room as him, never mind stay married to him. What a creep. Honestly, that's disgusting. And then for him to say he could do so much better? That him being with you is you punching above?

Know your worth. YOU can do far better than remain married to that cretin. And what he is saying about your friends and threesomes is not normal at all. He sounds like a total sex pest and a pervert. No wonder your friends don't like him.

I hardly ever say this on MN, but time to LTB. He’s called you boring, mentioned including your friends in your sex life and at the same time is undermining you by constantly telling you he could do better. There’s a reason none of your friends are his biggest fan too. They clearly see things that you don’t, and one of those things is that he actually would do something with them if he had the chance. Bringing it up during sex is asking for permission.

Start talking about his hot friends, bloke at the gym and school teacher.
Go into details of oral sex you cannot wait to perform on them while he watchs.

Obviously tell him he is boring for not enjoying your fantasies.

Leave him. He sounds like an absolute arse. No wonder your friends don’t like him

Absolutely.

*and constantly mentions wanting a threesome (like everytime we do anything.)
Problem is it's not just famous people, he starts bringing up my friends. He'll ask what i would do if they suddenly came on to him and would he have to say no etc
I know he wouldn't actually do anything (and it's really not likely to happen in real life as none of my friends are his biggest fan anyway) but it's draining.
He says I'm boring and he's just doing it ti make things more exciting but I find it awkward and I don't want to talk about people I know that way

He also constantly tells me that he could better and that I'm punching above my weight and would never find anyone else so this kind of talk doesn't really help*

Oh my God OP.

He's a slimy, self-important man who thinks he can do better than you. He's quite literally wiping his feet on your face by saying this.

Leave him whilst some of your self-esteem is still intact. He does not love you and he's not on your side.

Next time you have sex (If you can ever bring yourself too again) Scrunch your eyes tight shut, be a lot more vocal than usual, and when he thinks you are really into it fake a orgasm and shout out his bosses name at the moment of 'climax' .. after all, its normal to fantasize about other people right?

he's obviously already fantasising about it and masturbating over them.

he thinks as long as he imagines you're there he can fantasise about anything he wants. and in a way that's actually darker because god knows what he has you doing in his head.

And blokes wonder why many women these days remain single or have the children they would like and then split- so many total sleazy pigs around

Omg that is not normal!! If my husband did that he'd out of his ear!

lo, you could have condensed the entire post to "punching above your weight" and that would have been enough for your answer.

Oh good god that is the grossest thing I’ve ever heard. What on earth are you doing shagging a guy like that??? Where the fuck is your self respect? He’s rank, bin him and work on your self esteem, no one needs that kind of cockroach in their life.

Have posted up thread somewhere that I went out with someone similar. Said he was just ‘speaking his truth’ and other men think the same - they are just too cowardly to say it. They are different to women who don’t have such thoughts.
At one point we were invited to a party with lots of his family, a bit old school where all the women sit together and all of the men stand at the bar.
An older auntie informed me that such and such a lad was attending, early 20’s, looks very much like an A lister young girls were mad about at the time.
The lad walks in, he’s about 23, he looks very much like the star and to be fair he was absolutely gorgeous.
I then sat for two hours while women at least not related to him, but grandmas and mums, went into huge detail about exactly what they’d like to do with this young man if they were 10/20/30/40 years younger.
They left no detail unsaid.
On the way home Pervy Partner started talking about yet another female friend.
And I did ask why he hadn’t told me about the Hollywood lookalike.
His reply? Oh nobody really notices.
I wanted to reply well your Auntie Shiela went into great detail about the bits she noticed and what she’d like to do with them.
I didn’t, but it made me feel better.
It is 20 years ago but just the thought of him makes me wince!

Yes, just this!!!! Hit the nail on the head

I'm not sure about that. He might be a creep or he might be frustrated in a sexually cold relationship. I suppose both might be better off away from each other though, if that's the case.

I don't shag stupid men. And you'd have to be completely thick to think, "she 's not as hot for me as she was. I know, I'll talk about shagging her mates in bed. Repeatedly, when told not to. That'll work".

Public service announcement for men: If you want more sex, do more of what the woman likes, not more of what she hates.

Leave him, he's a pig.

Alternatively start talking about HIS friends and how hot they are and what you'd do while dropping his sex life from weekly to never.

It's not normal. Very far from normal. Well into the realms of abnormal.

I’d have a low sex drive if I had to listen to that drivel too. Wouldn’t surprise me if it suddenly increased if you found yourself with someone who appreciated you either.