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Original poster

Fed up of DH wanting to 'talk' about my friends

258 replies

Boredofitall88 · 06/10/2024 21:45

Dh and I have been together years, and it's becoming more and more apparent that we have widely different sex drives. I'm happy with once a week, I don't think he would be satisfied if we were doing it 2 or 3 times a day!

We also both work full time and have 2 young children (9 & 4)

One thing that constantly puts me off is he likes to talk about other people, what he would do if they were there and constantly mentions wanting a threesome (like everytime we do anything.)

Problem is it's not just famous people, he starts bringing up my friends. He'll ask what i would do if they suddenly came on to him and would he have to say no etc

I know he wouldn't actually do anything (and it's really not likely to happen in real life as none of my friends are his biggest fan anyway) but it's draining.

He says I'm boring and he's just doing it ti make things more exciting but I find it awkward and I don't want to talk about people I know that way

He also constantly tells me that he could better and that I'm punching above my weight and would never find anyone else so this kind of talk doesn't really help

OP posts:
Toopies · 07/10/2024 09:17

He sounds absolutely repulsive.
A nasty repulsive sex pest.
He is punching above him and he sounds abusive.

Call Womens aid for a chat.
Do you really want to remain married to such a sleazy creep?

Kisskiss · 07/10/2024 09:28

He’s a creep

Moveoverdarlin · 07/10/2024 09:32

Play him at his own game. When you’re doing the deed whisper in his ear…I bet your mate Rich has a massive cock, what I wouldn’t give to have a night with him. He’s a proper bloke. And if that postman Chris we sometimes have joined in, Christ I’d be in heaven.

BigDahliaFan · 07/10/2024 09:34

He's a twat. No it's not normal to disregard your partner's preferences for what to talk about and he's also a twat.

Let him go off an find someone else to pester if he's such a hunk.

GameOfJones · 07/10/2024 09:38

It is not normal and he is a fucking creep!

Why are you with this loser?

Seaweed42 · 07/10/2024 09:39

Wow. So sorry that you've had to endure this and thought it was normal. It's not.
You can't go on accepting this.

Marriage doesn't mean you are obliged to have sex or engage in this. You are being emotionally abused and sexually harassed.

NoWayRose · 07/10/2024 09:39

Talk about burying the lead! Some of the stuff you added at the end seems to be the much bigger issue…

He tells me he’s punching above his weight
He says I’m boring
He’s worse when he drinks
He talks about my friends
We have different sex drives - this actually seems so low on the list compared to the others.

Ditch him and enjoy your life. Better get off the train now that go all the way to Inverness and realise you still need to dump this loser anyway

Combattingthemoaners · 07/10/2024 09:40

What a charmer. Tell him he’s lucky he’s found one woman who will touch his horrible penis once a week never mind trying to add another (unfortunate) woman into the mix!

Lougle · 07/10/2024 09:44

Boredofitall88 · 07/10/2024 03:46

Thank you for all of the replies

He wasn't always this bad. he has always wanted sex more than I have but it's been the last few years that it's got worse.

I have called him out on it and told him to stop a couple of times, he then sulks says he won't mention them again its fine for a few weeks and then it slowly starts again

It's always kicks off more when he has had a drink

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

This is so far from normal. Think about how long you've been living like this and how long it's taken you to post this. You've got 183 replies that disagree with your DH.

Grammarnut · 07/10/2024 09:49

He's got a normal male sex drive but is exploring abnormal things. Tell him so. But think about a compromise between once a week and 3 times a day.

Lourdes12 · 07/10/2024 09:50

Tell him all the stuff he's talking about is boring you

YellowRoom · 07/10/2024 09:53

Grammarnut · 07/10/2024 09:49

He's got a normal male sex drive but is exploring abnormal things. Tell him so. But think about a compromise between once a week and 3 times a day.

Edited

He's a disgusting, negging creep. She shouldn't be having more sex with him to satisfy his 'normal male sex drive', she should be running for the hills

crumpet · 07/10/2024 09:56

Has he succeeded in making you feel grateful that he has deigned to be with you? Are you grateful that although he thinks your friends might come on to him he has said he would decline?

or has be succeeded in making you feel that he is a total bellend and that you would be justified in considering whether or not to get rid of him and enjoy life without such a dickhead in tow?

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 07/10/2024 09:57

Grammarnut · 07/10/2024 09:49

He's got a normal male sex drive but is exploring abnormal things. Tell him so. But think about a compromise between once a week and 3 times a day.

Edited

Why on earth would she want to do any of this after being told she is 'punching'?
The last paragraph of OP's post is the main issue here.

WowSpeechless · 07/10/2024 10:04

Sorry I don’t care if he looks like Brad Pitt and is as rich as Elon musk - he sounds like a creep I am sorry and he was clearly punching above his weight bagging you. You service better

Sunbeam01 · 07/10/2024 10:04

That is very strange behaviour. Ew.

Crikeyalmighty · 07/10/2024 10:11

I have no idea why certain posters think that we need to simply have more sex and be understanding of these utter creeps. Once your brain is repulsed your legs snapping shut tends to follow quite quickly-

AliceAbsolum · 07/10/2024 10:12

I think you should leave so your children are not exposed to this any longer. It's not OK that they think his behavior is normal. And yes they do pick up on it, and it's damaging them.

LivelyGoose · 07/10/2024 10:15

What a gigantic arsehole! My partner and I sometimes discuss threesomes and fantasies involving other people we know, but it's always a mutual thing and if one of us didn't like it then it would stop immediately. Telling you you're punching?!! Get rid, asap. This man is trying to destroy your self esteem.

RichmondReader · 07/10/2024 10:17

He is fucking gross. I would be completely repelled by this. Not just because it's degrading and disrespectful to me, but because it's embarrassing - he is behaving like a hormonal teen.

No, it's not normal to talk about fucking your partners friends
No it not normal to destroy your partners confidence by telling them that they are 'punching'
No you are not boring by being unimpressed by any of this. You are actually reacting very mildly to something that would be a deal breaker in most marriages.

Please rethink your self esteem OP. You don't have to put up with this.

alwaysmovingforwards · 07/10/2024 10:18

He sounds like a douche... maybe make clear he either snaps out of it or you'll be taking your leave.
Remember that being single is better than being in a relationship that makes you feel bad more often than it makes you feel good.

TheGoddessFrigg · 07/10/2024 10:23

Can I also point out that your friends all KNOW- which is why they can't stand him. Even he hasn't explicitly said this to them I can imagine his behaviour round them. *( I was in a similar situation and it's really difficult to tell your friend that actually her other half makes your skin crawl..)
And don't start talking about other men because he'll see this as permission, and probably start trying to pimp you out 🙁He's just GRIM, there's no other way to describe him

SarahSosej · 07/10/2024 10:25

This is so gross. Leave him.

NowYouSee · 07/10/2024 10:26

I read this and hear negging. I suspect he is looking for one or more of the following

  1. you go along with more sex or certain things to take the threesome with friends off the table
  2. he gets off on making you feel uncomfortable and being the more powerful one in his mind
  3. he generally wants you ground down so you’re more of a doormat and don’t ask for things like I dunno laundry help because you’re so lucky to be with a man like him
  4. if he wants out the marriage it is starting the positioning between the two of you that this is all your fault for now accommodating his needs.
StopStartStop · 07/10/2024 10:27

I know he wouldn't actually do anything

No, you don't. He would. You've got a wrong 'un there. Get rid. If you insist on staying, use the time to get your ducks in a row. It will all blow up eventually.

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