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Original poster

Fed up of DH wanting to 'talk' about my friends

258 replies

Boredofitall88 · 06/10/2024 21:45

Dh and I have been together years, and it's becoming more and more apparent that we have widely different sex drives. I'm happy with once a week, I don't think he would be satisfied if we were doing it 2 or 3 times a day!

We also both work full time and have 2 young children (9 & 4)

One thing that constantly puts me off is he likes to talk about other people, what he would do if they were there and constantly mentions wanting a threesome (like everytime we do anything.)

Problem is it's not just famous people, he starts bringing up my friends. He'll ask what i would do if they suddenly came on to him and would he have to say no etc

I know he wouldn't actually do anything (and it's really not likely to happen in real life as none of my friends are his biggest fan anyway) but it's draining.

He says I'm boring and he's just doing it ti make things more exciting but I find it awkward and I don't want to talk about people I know that way

He also constantly tells me that he could better and that I'm punching above my weight and would never find anyone else so this kind of talk doesn't really help

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 07/10/2024 07:33

Yuk! What other narcissistic and emotionally abusive traits does he have? As I'm certain this isn't the only thing! Punching indeed. I'd vote with my feet!

EnjoythemoneyJane · 07/10/2024 07:37

So this prince of a man

tells you you’re boring
says you’re lucky to be with him
considers you to be much less attractive than him and tells you so
undermines your confidence and self esteem
pesters you for sex
pushes your boundaries to the extent that you’re very uncomfortable

And the question you’re asking here is whether you’re being unreasonable for not indulging his sad little wankfest fantasies about banging your mates? OP, there are a lot of other questions that should come before this one.

And btw I’m not at all shocked that your sex drive has dwindled after years of co-habiting with this twat.

BibbityBobbityToo · 07/10/2024 07:37

Are you married to Jay from the Inbetweeners?

Your DH is a total creep, I would not be with someone who made sexual remarks about my friends.

Chocbuttonsandredwine · 07/10/2024 07:41

alrhoigh this is absolutely not the poo t and agree with everyone else, he sounds like a total cock…..and you should leave him..

next time he starts talking like this I’d match him… but mention his mum… or dad… or sister… 😂

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 07/10/2024 07:42

MsDogLady · 07/10/2024 04:01

So his ‘pillow talk’ is always about bringing in your friends and others for threesomes and what he’d do to them?? That is beyond abhorrent. And he also enjoys negging that you are boring and less attractive than he is? He clearly gets a buzz from humiliating you.

@Boredofitall88, it is disturbing that you are tolerating his utter degradation of you and disrespect of your friends [who clearly have the measure of him]. I assume that he is an arrogant, misogynistic, self-serving pig in other ways.

I empathize with your poor children having such a shit father and role model.

Please consider making an exit plan.

This!!!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/10/2024 07:42

This is just grim.

Beautiful3 · 07/10/2024 07:43

Eww what a gross disgusting and disrespectful man. You shouldn't be with him, you can do so much better.

malificent7 · 07/10/2024 07:43

The hills are over there.. run for them and don't look back.
I'd be putting his belongings in bin bags and changing the locks op.

cuddlebear · 07/10/2024 07:44

🤮🤮🤮

You know you don’t have to live like this?

WinterFaye2 · 07/10/2024 07:44

Oh no op, this is terrible. Is this how you want your life to be?

I’d tell him he’s become a massive turn off.

Trixiefirecracker · 07/10/2024 07:44

Is the bar for men really this low on MN? Totally unacceptable behaviour from him and definitely not normal.

Savingthehedgehogs · 07/10/2024 07:45

Aren’t you concerned about the safety of your children? This kind of overt predatory behaviour is a bloody big red flag op. Sexual deviants are not safe people to have around.

FasterMichelin · 07/10/2024 07:46

It's not normal, at all.

Your husband sounds like a loser, hardly a catch. Drinker. Pushes wife for sex. Sex talks about her friends. Tells his wife (incorrectly) that she's punching above her weight. Yuck and how disrespectful. He's genuinely lucky to have you as I'm sure many women would have called things quit by now.

Time to grow some self confidence and shoot down that kind of behaviour (if you don't want to leave).

HomeTheatreSystem · 07/10/2024 07:47

I'm impressed you still have sex with him once a week despite his repulsive talk.

Do you not have the ick with him yet?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 07/10/2024 07:54

Boredofitall88 · 07/10/2024 03:46

Thank you for all of the replies

He wasn't always this bad. he has always wanted sex more than I have but it's been the last few years that it's got worse.

I have called him out on it and told him to stop a couple of times, he then sulks says he won't mention them again its fine for a few weeks and then it slowly starts again

It's always kicks off more when he has had a drink

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

What would happen if you talked about his friends?

„oh, Dave has such a nice head of hair! I can just imagine how nice it would feel to properly grab onto whilst he’s fucking me.“

“Could you imagine Rupert coming onto me? That would be so hot. Would I have to turn him down?“

“having a threesome with Basil? That would be truly spectacular. It would be so nice to have two men in bed with me!“

It could spectacularly backfire. Or he could realise that what being on the receiving end of his comments isn’t as exciting…

As for him telling you that you’re „punching above your weight“ and couldn’t do better? What an arse. He‘s being truly horrible! It’s a wonder that you still want to have sex with him at all. Once a week is truly impressive in this situation!

Penguinsmum · 07/10/2024 07:54

Absolutely gross. I think my fanny would close over being married to him. You deserve a lot better.

Dinosweetpea · 07/10/2024 07:55

Boredofitall88 · 07/10/2024 03:46

Thank you for all of the replies

He wasn't always this bad. he has always wanted sex more than I have but it's been the last few years that it's got worse.

I have called him out on it and told him to stop a couple of times, he then sulks says he won't mention them again its fine for a few weeks and then it slowly starts again

It's always kicks off more when he has had a drink

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

This is not normal in a loving, healthy relationship.

Victoriancat · 07/10/2024 07:58

He's definitely got a fantasy going in his head

NunyaBeeswax · 07/10/2024 07:58

Boredofitall88 · 07/10/2024 03:46

Thank you for all of the replies

He wasn't always this bad. he has always wanted sex more than I have but it's been the last few years that it's got worse.

I have called him out on it and told him to stop a couple of times, he then sulks says he won't mention them again its fine for a few weeks and then it slowly starts again

It's always kicks off more when he has had a drink

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

Your posts scream to me that hes emotionally abusive and attempts coercive control with sulking when his emotional abuse is highlighted back to him.

Personally, if I were in your situation, my choices would be:
1 - Stay. Accept it will likely never change for the better. Know full well it may stay the same or he may get worse and end up blaming me when he cheats. There's also a case for a worrying example being set for the children on how relationships should be.

2 - Leave. Let him sit alone and think about my friends and pull his plonker till his hand is raw. Meanwhile, all my friends of course would be told why I left the creepy emotionally abusive twat.

Obviously, I'm not in you OP. So you'll have to figure out what choices you want to make.

The simple question is - do you want to live like this for the next year or 10?

CrazyGoatLady · 07/10/2024 08:00

This is a strong case for throwing the whole man away and starting again.

unmemorableusername · 07/10/2024 08:06

LTB

SoYoung · 07/10/2024 08:06

He sounds absolutely gross. Like skin crawling gross. What an awful man.

Barney16 · 07/10/2024 08:11

Well he's a prince isn't he? He's obviously deeply sexually insecure. Do you want to stay with him? If so I would point out that you are offended by his comments and he must stop immediately. Then take it from there.

EmeraldDreams73 · 07/10/2024 08:11

God, I feel sick. This man tells you you're boring, he's more attractive than you, he openly fantasises about other people to get it up while with you including your FRIENDS? If this is real, you don't have a sex drive mismatch. You are sleeping with a manipulative egocentric twat. Get fucking rid.

Rewis · 07/10/2024 08:11

Like how does he do it? Are you having dinner snd he casually asks "if Jane was to hit on me, what would you do?" Or is it when you're about to be intimate "if Jane was here, would you like her to join us? Would you love to watch me do her?". I'm really struggling to understand how he can possibly bring it up in conversation.

Anyway. He's a creep. It is not a normal way to talk about spouses friends. I'd have the final talk with him. Basically that i don't appreciate him telling how he would like to cheat on me or suggesting that your friends would betray me. He needs to knock it off that it is completely innproprite. If he so desperately wants to have an affair then the status of the marriage needs to be re-evaluated. Threesome is not an option and don't bring it up again. We can try to have sex more frequently but for that to happen certain things need to change (insert list. Not as in sex is a reward but to make more time for it and creating a sexier atmosphere). But being a sexpest and fantasising about my friends is not cutting it.