Fed up of DH wanting to 'talk' about my friends

[Boredofitall88]

Dh and I have been together years, and it's becoming more and more apparent that we have widely different sex drives. I'm happy with once a week, I don't think he would be satisfied if we were doing it 2 or 3 times a day!

We also both work full time and have 2 young children (9 & 4)

One thing that constantly puts me off is he likes to talk about other people, what he would do if they were there and constantly mentions wanting a threesome (like everytime we do anything.)

Problem is it's not just famous people, he starts bringing up my friends. He'll ask what i would do if they suddenly came on to him and would he have to say no etc

I know he wouldn't actually do anything (and it's really not likely to happen in real life as none of my friends are his biggest fan anyway) but it's draining.

He says I'm boring and he's just doing it ti make things more exciting but I find it awkward and I don't want to talk about people I know that way

He also constantly tells me that he could better and that I'm punching above my weight and would never find anyone else so this kind of talk doesn't really help

It's NOT NORMAL, come on! Surely you know this?!?

Good grief. I can’t believe you even want to have sex with him once per week. I’ve got second hand ick. Your friend have got the measure of him by the sounds of things.

Tell him you’d love a threesome then pick out which one of his male friends it’s going to be with…

What everyone else said. Utterly revolting. Not remotely normal. Completely disrespectful.

You need to leave him before your kids internalise the idea that women are sexual playthings for men. And before your self esteem falls through the floor.

Tell him to grow the fuck up; and that, far from punching above your weight, you are seriously worried about the fact that he seems incapable of acting like normal mature men do.

🤮

He is emotionally, verbally and psychologically abusing you and dare I say sexually too. He is trying to isolate you from your friends. As overtime you will find yourself avoiding them, to stop his disgusting conversations as you attempt to regain some type of control. He is attempting to make you insecure.

If you don't have the good sense to get up and leave whilst you still can. You will find yourself a year or so from now, posting on here that your partner is now openly verbally abusing you, or posting 'I think my partner has assaulted me, but I'm not sure?" Or his cheating on you and you don't know what to do.

You're NOT any of the things he says, that's his insecurities talking and he's trying to make those your issues. Please, please don't allow this chaos to become your life and your children's lives anymore. I speak from experience and I know the hell you're about to go through.
His only just starting.

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

How can you even consider for a second that this is true? If my DH ever said anything like this I would be laughing at him and telling him to get a grip. If he said it a second time then I would be seriously considering ending it

Jeezo, that crap must be eroding your confidence and self esteem little by little. I bet you are a shell of the confident woman you were before you met him.

He knows exactly what he is doing, don't believe him when he denies it or blames you. What he is talking about and saying is not a normal thing to say to a partner you love and respect.

Put yourself in the shoes of the woman you were before you met him and think what she would do. Bring her back.

I agree in that I suspect this is ...not real but if it is then this is the point you draw a line in the sand and stop this mental and emotional abuse by leaving and divorcing this prince among men.

He is foul and every word would chip a bit more of me away. I would go before I was gone entirely.

That’s disgusting 🤢. All he’s doing is making you feel bad about yourself and how would your friends feel if they knew they were getting dragged into his gross sexual fantasies? He must think he’s really something special!

Can't imagine WHY your friends don't like him 🙄

I don't think I could stay knowing he's knocking one out thinking about my mates

I have a feeling you won't LTB so some practical advice:

• Flip it around and start talking about what he would do if his mates start coming on to you. I'm guessing you response is supposed to be how you would join in? So his should be the same, after all, his words "it's normal"

• start confessing that your deepest dark desires are things he would hate, watching him with his best friend, pegging them both etc etc a lot of men are going to find that a turn on but a guy like yours who wants to talk about female 3 somes I reckon isn't 😉 Be outrageous but of course legal. Remember to call him boring if he doesn't like it!

Mismatched sex drives are a nightmare and I can't advise as I have the same with my DH but he has not said the hurtful things your DH has said or forced fantasies on me. But in the real world where it's not so easy to tear your family apart, this is how I would handle it, let him experience the ick and shame.

He is a weirdo. Run.

Have you ever asked your friends why they don't seem to like him Op, I think if you did and asked them to be really honest you might hear some unfortunate things. You know he's very sex driven at home, I'd bet money he's at least made your friends uncomfortable. You need the full picture before you can deceide what to do next

It’s not normal and he sounds a vile, lecherous, pornsick creep. Has it ever occurred to him to try to be someone you’d like to sleep with? My fanny went on strike just reading about this.

I honestly don’t think this can be fixed. Lean on your friends and get ready to end this marriage. I bet there are things they haven’t told you yet. A friend of mine had a husband like this and he came on to her friends behind her back, I think I was the only one who told her.

He tries to tell me it's normal to talk about your friends like this

No, it’s not. And I’m sure your friends would be disgusted if they knew. .
Start thinking about a single life and how peaceful it’d be. He’s just 🤢

Tuen the conversation around and start asking him what he'd do if Ross Didrickson (or some other young and fit man) turned up to give you a seeing to, and mention him standing in standing in the background with a limp dick whilst Ross did the business with you. Then laugh very loudly.

He sounds like an immature 15 year old. Gross.

He tells you you're not deserving of him, tries to nag you into sexual contact you aren't happy with, and openly sexualises your friends?

Sorry, but he sounds fucking awful. And if you were a friend of mine and your husband were doing that to me, I'd be so skeeved out. He sounds really, really creepy, as well as disrespectful at a very fundamental level.

He sounds like an Andrew Tate wannabe. Zero actual respect for you on any level.

He is disgusting.

I feel very sorry for your children. Not you, you're an adult and should be removing yourself and them from this relationship as soon as possible.

There's nothing normal about him.
What a big dirty lump of slime he is.
Seriously OP, it'll only get worse with this foul specimen.
If I was you I'd be look at my options to get away from him and starting today.
He's a pervert, and emotionally abusive too.
Imagine looking at your DW's friends as though they're lumps of sex-crazed meat, chomping at the bit to get to him?
Trying to goad you into playing along with the well-worn 'no-one will love you', 'you should be grateful' etc.
Don't listen to him OP, he's twisted, and he's trying to wear you down.
"Punching", my fucking arse!

You haven’t said you’re desperate to leave him but can’t so this isn’t even a “DH problem”. This is a “you” problem because you should really value yourself more than being with a man who tells you you’re punching above your weight and needs to fantasise about your friends while having sex with you. If you can sort out your own self esteem you will naturally sort out your perceived DH problem.

‘Look, just for the record as it’s getting embarrassing. I’m not ‘punching.’ Quite the opposite, I don’t have a single friend who is even really ok with being in the same room as you. They feel sorry for me. They all find you creepy, unpleasant and rude. I would think most women would. Even if you were physically good looking the effect would be pretty much the same.’

Ew.

Would talking about his friends put a stop to it, do you think?

Has he always been an arsehole? Not just about sex, but in general.