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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

198 replies

Lindaful · 06/10/2024 20:28

We moved house yesterday.

Weeks previous to this a family friend offered us use of his businesses van. I was told it was huge and had done many house moves previously. In addition, he said him and a member of his staff would come and help and that we'd have the van from the night before to load up. We were all packed up days before.

What actually happened, was he didn't come until 9.30 on the day of the move left the van with us and went home. No one additional brought to help. The van was also FAR too small.

Long story short, this resulted in us having to do multiple van loads. The house was fully empty, sparkling clean and locked up when the new owners arrived. But mortifyingly, lots of our stuff was still on our neighbours side of the shared driveway (they offered us use of this space) still waiting to be taken in van loads when the new owners arrived.

Obviously in hindsight there's a million things I wish I'd done, but I can't change what happened. But I feel so full of shame and absolutely sick with embarrassment about what's happened. I feel so upset at what the new owners must think of us and the thought that we ruined their move in experience. I keep crying and I can't take any enjoyment in our new house because it's all I can think about. So, AIBU? And how do I even begin to move on from this?

OP posts:
BananaSplitSandwich · 06/10/2024 22:52

I mean, it could be worse, they could have found out that you like watching Love Island.

Headinthesand21 · 06/10/2024 22:57

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 06/10/2024 21:02

Are you actually likely to see the people who moved into your old house in the future OP? Most of us don't, so I wouldn't give it another thought.

I've had far worse house moves, and one where the buyers were actually trying to move their stuff in, while we were still moving out, simply because the money had been handed over, and they insisted that it was now THEIR house. I pointed out to them that our stuff was going into storage for a week, so if they insisted on moving their stuff in, whilst ours was still being carried out to the removal truck, then they were likely to find that some of it got packed into our removals van by mistake, and they wouldn't be able to get it back until our stuff came back out of storage. In the end we agreed that they could put stuff in the cupboard under the stairs, but that was it. They were a pain in the posterior from the minute they agreed to purchase though, and clearly had no idea that it takes longer for people in a bigger house to move out than it did for them, who were moving from a tiny flat!

It was legally their house once the money has gone through and you should have been out. Sounds like you were a pain in the posterior too

katepilar · 06/10/2024 22:58

Op, you must be very stressed with the move. There is nothing to be ashamed of. The house was all ready for the new people. Hope you have a good sleep and feel better tomorrow. If its still this bad, seek a therapist to help.

mondaytosunday · 06/10/2024 23:00

Huh? Why are you embarrassed? I did a self move and was still taking things out of the house when new owners arrived. On top of that I blew a fuse that morning (one of the old fashioned types - this was decades ago). Was I embarrassed? A bit. Full of shame and sick? No way.

Ivehearditbothways · 06/10/2024 23:01

Is this a joke post? Like, a piss take of the ridiculous “I’m mortified” style posts?

Lindy2 · 06/10/2024 23:03

We turned up to our new house to find the sellers still in it running around madly trying to get all their stuff out still.

We gave them more time.

It wasn't a problem.

itsmylife7 · 06/10/2024 23:08

I'd imagine the buyers were overjoyed at moving in to a clean new home.

I really doubt they even noticed your belongings as they'd be too busy unloading there furniture.

BanditsBiscuits · 06/10/2024 23:09

Laiste · 06/10/2024 20:37

It's not like they thought no one lived in the house previously is it?

It reminds me of that youtube video -

''No one must know that we SIT !!! ... and if the beds aren't made, it's too late now - just throw them out of the window !!'' 😂

Thank you for reminding me of this video. I think it's called company's coming and I'm going to search for it in the morning and have a good laugh before work 😄

sarahzbaker · 06/10/2024 23:17

Moving is very stressful But really. will you see these people again?
Move on
Oh! you already have - good.

samarrange · 06/10/2024 23:27

redalex261 · 06/10/2024 21:44

“Full of shame “ sick with embarrassment” and “how do I even begin to move on from this”. Sorry OP, you are talking as if there’s been a catastrophe that will affect the rest of your life, not a hiccup during a house move.

You are either very, very overwrought due to the stress of moving or need to see a doctor about your mental state (if this is the way you react to minor bumps in the toad of life). The new occupants won’t give a toss about seeing your stuff. The house was vacant and clean. That’s all they wanted.

if this is the way you react to minor bumps in the toad of life

I like the idea of the toad of life. I assume it has quite few bumps and knobbly bits. 🐸

Liveheretoo · 06/10/2024 23:33

Tulip8 · 06/10/2024 20:35

As I say to my daughter when she cries about petty things....

'It's time you had an early night Mrs!'

Love this!

BunnyLake · 06/10/2024 23:39

Berlinlover · 06/10/2024 22:25

This post can’t be real. If it is real it’s one of the most OTT and ridiculous posts I’ve ever read on Mumsnet.

Life must be incredibly hard to negotiate if something as innocuous as this puts someone into such a tailspin.

Thedogscollar · 06/10/2024 23:44

@Lindaful Well that's a lovely first post ever.
Why do people do this. Must lead very boring lives

Grendell · 06/10/2024 23:51

Shake it off, Linda.

Figsonit · 06/10/2024 23:54

The house was fully empty, sparkling clean and locked up when the new owners arrived.

So then it was fine. The new owners could start unloading which is all they wanted. I arrived once with my furniture and the family that should have been gone took another six hours to pack up and leave.

JoBrandsCleaner · 06/10/2024 23:55

In 2009 when we sold our house and moved away, I’d gone first with the kids and left my husband to tidy the last few bits. When the new owner turned up on the completion date (people we knew quite well) my husband was still in the house, in bed. He also left a load of his crap in the garage for weeks after as well, this was something to be embarrassed about 😬

Miniopolis · 06/10/2024 23:56

This sounds fine, our vendors didn’t give us the keys until the evening, left huge holes in the walls and they 100% did not give a shit. So you sound lovely.

ffsfindmeausername · 06/10/2024 23:57

Pinkelephant66 · 06/10/2024 20:33

You feel mortified, ashamed and embarrassed because you left some of your belongings on your neighbours driveway… because you couldn’t move it all at once?

what were the belongings? Vibrators and gimp masks or something??

🤣 I also thought she was going to say that she'd left a huge box of sex toys etc! 🤣

MsAmerica · 07/10/2024 00:04

Lindaful · 06/10/2024 20:28

We moved house yesterday.

Weeks previous to this a family friend offered us use of his businesses van. I was told it was huge and had done many house moves previously. In addition, he said him and a member of his staff would come and help and that we'd have the van from the night before to load up. We were all packed up days before.

What actually happened, was he didn't come until 9.30 on the day of the move left the van with us and went home. No one additional brought to help. The van was also FAR too small.

Long story short, this resulted in us having to do multiple van loads. The house was fully empty, sparkling clean and locked up when the new owners arrived. But mortifyingly, lots of our stuff was still on our neighbours side of the shared driveway (they offered us use of this space) still waiting to be taken in van loads when the new owners arrived.

Obviously in hindsight there's a million things I wish I'd done, but I can't change what happened. But I feel so full of shame and absolutely sick with embarrassment about what's happened. I feel so upset at what the new owners must think of us and the thought that we ruined their move in experience. I keep crying and I can't take any enjoyment in our new house because it's all I can think about. So, AIBU? And how do I even begin to move on from this?

I'm trying to say this as gently as I can, but it seems to me there is something deeply wrong for you to say you're "full of shame and absolutely sick with embarrassment." By "deeply wrong," I mean you might want to consider talking to a counselor to figure out why your emotions are so overboard for something that wasn't your fault and caused no damage. Who cares about their "move in experience"? Are they even going to be part of your life in the future, and, if not, why are you stressing over such a minor mishap? Life is full of little annoyances connected with moving, with jobs, with parties - and usually we forget them or turn them into a funny story.

So, as to how you move on ... start by trying to turn it into a funny story. And write the new homeowners a short note, if it'll make you feel better, write them a nice note expressing ONLY your regret at the problems caused by the unexpected small van you were loaned (without blaming yourself in any way), and, if you like, send along a bottle of champagne to wish them happiness in their new home.

Actually, I'd like to imagine your hysteria was caused by your own stress with the move and after a week or two, when things calm down, maybe you'd be ready to just shrug or laugh about it.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 07/10/2024 00:09

It sounds very stressful and not ideal. But ashamed?? That seems a strong reaction, sorry. I bet the new owners will barely remember it. Hopefully the stress will wear off and you’ll realise it wasn’t so bad.

user1473878824 · 07/10/2024 00:14

I genuinely mean this in a nice way because moving is so stressful: you’re being utterly, utterly ridiculous.
first off, who gives a fuck what some random people who have bought your house think? They also don’t care, you haven’t ruined their move in day (which isn’t a thing), your stuff wasn’t in the house, it wasn’t a massive awful shag for them, nothing happened. Don’t worry about it.
secondly, your stuff was out of their way. People know you own furniture and things that have to be in boxes. The fact that you were still around when they were moving in absolutely doesn’t matter.

the only thing you should be worried about was that it was horribly stressful for you! But it’s done now and you have your lovely new home.

moving is such a nightmare and you did it, despite your shitty van mate. Open a bottle of fizz and relax and don’t give a second thought to other people and try and forget all the stress!

enjoy your new home @Lindaful xx

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/10/2024 00:14

My best friend arrived at her new house to find one of the owners sat on the sofa in the lounge with his arms folded in a right grump with his stuff all around. Turns out it was a post divorce sale and only the wife wanted to sell.

Edingril · 07/10/2024 00:17

If this is the worse thing you have to deal with in your moving life I would say you are pretty lucky

Hernamewaslola22 · 07/10/2024 00:17

The woman I bought from asked to leave stuff in the garage, I said no and she did it anyway 😂

Gcsunnyside23 · 07/10/2024 00:18

Pull yourself together