To feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

[Lindaful]

We moved house yesterday.

Weeks previous to this a family friend offered us use of his businesses van. I was told it was huge and had done many house moves previously. In addition, he said him and a member of his staff would come and help and that we'd have the van from the night before to load up. We were all packed up days before.

What actually happened, was he didn't come until 9.30 on the day of the move left the van with us and went home. No one additional brought to help. The van was also FAR too small.

Long story short, this resulted in us having to do multiple van loads. The house was fully empty, sparkling clean and locked up when the new owners arrived. But mortifyingly, lots of our stuff was still on our neighbours side of the shared driveway (they offered us use of this space) still waiting to be taken in van loads when the new owners arrived.

Obviously in hindsight there's a million things I wish I'd done, but I can't change what happened. But I feel so full of shame and absolutely sick with embarrassment about what's happened. I feel so upset at what the new owners must think of us and the thought that we ruined their move in experience. I keep crying and I can't take any enjoyment in our new house because it's all I can think about. So, AIBU? And how do I even begin to move on from this?

I think your buyers will be thrilled to have a nice clean empty house.

When we went into our new home we were greeted by a huge pile of stinking dog shit on the hallway carpet!

The previous owners had a new puppy and obviously just stepped over it before locking the door behind them.

How do you function in normal life with all its trials and tribulations OP?

LIKE HOW???

Were your vibrator collection and your husband's inflatable sex dolls visible? Is that's what the problem is?

Exactly this. Why on earth would the new owners care? I certainly wouldn't, and your reaction is completely OTT. I doubt the new owners gave it a second thought.

But they wereright, the money had been exchanged, it was their house. You were completely in the wrong and should have been better organised, especially since you were moving stuff into storage so could have been more flexible.

I think you're over tired and emotional because honestly, that's ridiculous to feel like that. Get some rest and enjoy your new home!

Right..ok

we had norovirus about 5 days before our move. we were doing it ourselves as we know what we are doing, but we got behind on everything as we had a day in bed each and then the kids all had it. my very lovely helpful uncle came to help, but he can also be a bit odd. we went ahead in the car, and he was last out of our house. he decided to take ALL of the lightbulbs. I have no idea why. I didn't know he'd done it. He's actually a lovely generous man.
The new people arrived in the dark. When the estate agent told me on Monday I was mortified. I said I'd pay for replacements, but they'd obviously already done that on Saturday morning.

OP you are making a fuss about nothing. but moving does that to you - its a very stressful time.

Please tell me there were no children exposed to your crying and carrying on?

You had a stressful house move, the person who let you down is an idiot but it sounds like you got through it ok.

Stop crying, put it behind you and enjoy your new house...it's finished now.

And op if this is real and you do have children please try to be lovely and positive about the new house tomorrow.

Misshaps happen. When I moved into our latest house, it was alarmed and tripped when I opened the door. I was frantically searching high and low for the code (which I eventually found) The neighbours definitely knew someone was moving in 😅🥲
In our first home, we found knickers stuffed down the back of the radiators.

Do you suffer from anxiety OP? Sit back with a wine or hot chocolate in your new home and be kind to yourself, new beginnings and all that.

When we moved into our house, we had to sugar soap every wall, every ceiling, because the previous owner was a smoker.

Brown stains were dripping from the walls as we scrubbed. Even over 10 years on DH still swears there's a cupboard he can smell it in.

I would have been thrilled to move into a sparkling clean house, with some stuff on the neighbours lawn to go in the van. (But then the questionable decor plus smoke smell is probably why we got it for the price we did!)

It's a very stressful time, and you wanted everything to run perfectly and when it didn't your mind runs away with every negative thing they must think of you. I know, because I'm like that myself. I work myself up, because I really care about making a good impression on people. In my case it's a background of bullying and never feeling like I'm good enough, so I have to really "earn" it.

When you look back it's easy to think ahhh what was I worried about, I needed to go with the flow; in the moment however, with all the heightened emotions - not so easy.

So, from one person who cares too much about what other people think to another, give yourself a break. The new owners won't have to scurry down to homebase for hard-core cleaning materials like we did, and I bet they'll think it's amazing.

I could not get upset over this.

You are overthinking this and placing too much weight on it. The house was spotless and you were out on time! The new owners will be pleased that

1. you were out
2. you had throughly cleaned the place
3. their new neighbours are kind and accommodating

And that’s all! Get some rest and think kind thoughts about yourself. When I’m doing this sort of thinking I imagine what I would say to my children if they were feeling like this and try to think it to myself or imagine someone saying it to me. You’re being too hard on yourself.

Have you expressed your disappointment and frustration to your friend? I ask because I’m wondering if you’re turning your anger at your unreliable friend onto yourself instead? Do you find it difficult to not be 'nice' all the time? Speaking as a recovering people-pleaser here.
I’d be really annoyed at his unhelpful and unthinking behaviour, on such a stressful day. I guess that, although there’s so much to do already when you’re moving, ideally you could have gone over the arrangements with him in good time so you were both clear and your expectations were agreed. But hindsight is a wonderful thing, and you’ll have learned for next time.
I hope you can take a deep breath and don’t be too hard on yourself. You did nothing wrong, but it sounds like you have a mean critical voice inside your head.

I had a terrible experience moving house yesterday.

I have been looking forward to finally getting settled and making our new house a home, it’s been so exciting as I hated where we lived before.

We had a “farewell party” for the old house and got ready to start our new life.

We pulled up at the house full of glorious anticipation and on arrival my heart lurched and I started shaking at the sight before me. I wanted to just turn back and abandon the whole move but it was too late.
It took a minute for DH to notice my dismay but then I saw realisation creep over his face as well.

DH asked in a trembling voice “Is that… is it… it’s not the previous owners stuff over there near the neighbours drive is it?”

I nodded gloomily and said I assumed the same, I didn’t see any other explanation, unless maybe the neighbours were moving as well? I suggested this to DH and hope flared briefly in his eyes before he said “I recognise that lamp and the gimp mask from the viewing so it’s definitely the previous owners, do you want to move in or should we just drive away and pretend this never happened and go and stay with my parents forever?”

I did consider his offer but I knew if we moved in with his parents that other family members would find out and his siblings would either gloat about our experience or pity us forever.

In the end we put on a united front and supported each other through the move, we clasped hands tightly and didn’t look towards the pile of possessions on the drive as we entered the house, we vowed to never mention it again and move on but it just wasn’t that simple…

Evening started to fall and the house was starting to come together, we ordered a takeaway and whilst waiting for it I started to put away plates and cutlery in the kitchen, that’s when it happened…
I felt my hand grasp a teaspoon had that had fallen down behind one of the drawers and it brought back the same feelings of panic I felt on arrival and saw those things on the drive.

I’m hoping things will improve in time but I wonder if the previous owner has any idea the trauma we felt to witness their belongs or if they are just sat enjoying their new home without a care in the world?

At least with you OP I can see at least you feel remorse for your actions. I could find it forgivable if I knew that the previous owners of our home was a considerate as you.

Before Mumsnet, I had no idea that so many grown adults were spending so much time sobbing uncontrollably over so many bizarre and tiny things. Do people not get dehydrated from all the crying? Or when people say "I can't stop crying", do they actually mean a couple of frustrated tears escaped then they sat down to write a post?

The last time I couldn't stop crying was at the funeral of my best friend's husband who suddenly and inexplicably died in his 30s. I can't remember a time before that in my adult life.

Wow. Lucky you if this is such a huge thing to have happened to you that you are struggling to move on and can't stop crying. Please, have some perspective.

Just came to say the same as everyone else! When I turned up at my new home on a boiling July morning- with all my stuff in a van and a hot, furious cat pulsating in a basket- my vendors were still packing in a remarkably chilled-out fashion. I wouldn't have minded except that they showed absolutely no signs of speeding up once I'd arrived.

When I eventually got in, I discovered they had nevertheless somehow found time to dismantle the kitchen shelves and take them along for the ride...

Some stuff on the other side of the drive is nothing at all- not worth one more second's thought or worry.

Enjoy your new home- especially the shelves.

“Full of shame “ sick with embarrassment” and “how do I even begin to move on from this”. Sorry OP, you are talking as if there’s been a catastrophe that will affect the rest of your life, not a hiccup during a house move.

You are either very, very overwrought due to the stress of moving or need to see a doctor about your mental state (if this is the way you react to minor bumps in the toad of life). The new occupants won’t give a toss about seeing your stuff. The house was vacant and clean. That’s all they wanted.

Bloody hell, OP. Your life must be extremely sheltered with barely any bad events or drama in for you to be able to overreact in such a melodramatic way.

Seriously, you know that there are many more serious things in life to worry and get upset about. If this is the worst thing you get upset about, then I'm bloody envious your life is so calm otherwise!

We were camped in the front garden of our new house for ages waiting for outgoing couple to self move with their friends. Some garden stuff was left outside for them to collect the next day, and they couldn’t round up their cats so asked us to look after them and keep them indoors when they finally turned up back home, and they collected them the next day too! (Luckily our dog spent that night in kennels).

Well OP I think you’ve overreacted somewhat.

Once upon a time years ago my cat went missing a few days before I moved, I left without her and had to apologise to the new owner and the neighbours, I left the cat carrier for them to catch her in so I could pick her up when she turned up. She turned up very late at night and was scratching and wailing to get into “her house”.

When we moved into our current home we couldn’t even get in on the same day, idiotic sellers hadn’t packed anything at all and we had to abandon ship and return in the morning! House was filthy as well.

I’ll bet they were glad they got in on time to a clean home.

What people think of you is non of your business.

I think you are overtired!
We did a similar horrific move. We were buying my mums house off her and lived about a mile away. We had lots of people lined up to help and a luton box van. Should have been fine.
In actuality, the move date was moved back by a week, which meant no help. I had assumed we could do a load (at least) the night before. Inexplicably my Mum, normally rational, refused. This meant that we had just us 2 a van and about 4 hours to remove a 3 bed house.
Next door neighbours were on hols so we ended up piling stuff into their garden. Had no time to clean. Jeez. I have never felt so tired and stressed.
The next time we moved we had professionals, had them pack and collect whilst we went to a 4 star hotel overnight!

It’s easy for you to say that when it’s not happened to you and you haven’t been on the receiving end.

I have tried not to cry after moving house and seeing the owners possessions sitting there yesterday and be strong but I admit I have shed some tears privately today and sometimes when I get a bit of a flashback I feel a wetness on my face and realise I’ve been shedding tears without even realising.

I haven’t broken down into full blown sobbing but I am quite a strong person generally, it takes a lot to get me to fully break down.

The last time I gave in to full on weeping and wailing was when my next door neighbour borrowed my dustpan and brush and gave it back dirty, I’m doing much better after the counselling though 🙂.