DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

I agree.

@WiserOlderElf Yes, learning to manage their money is the important thing. And realizing that it doesn’t grow on trees!

You were being unreasonable to embarrass him. I raised an eyebrow at that before even realising it was the punchline.

Have you considered he may not have anything left over to put into their savings account. £47k doesn’t go far when you’re the higher earner for a family of four.

JISAs and JSIPPS exist to encourage savings for children.
This is an interesting article

He has a couple of grand left over every month.

Where is it going?

So he spends just over £1000 on rent and household bills and you split that 50/50 so you have absolutely no money at all from £1000 take home pay?

I don’t have much left over but he sends me money if I need it.

Nowhere, just stays in his account as a buffer.

He's paying into your children's savings then. If you increased what you put in he'd have to give you more money so you'd be forcing him to pay even more into savings than he wants to.

He must have a good chunk of savings now if he puts away £2k a month for 13+ years. You're wanting your children to have lump sum at 18, he's probably trying to make sure you all have a stable home and can afford to live in retirement.

OP why don’t you both save for a deposit on a house? That would be far more useful to all of you. I know you live in social housing but I understand that is no cheaper than private rent, so you’re throwing money away when you could be putting it towards a serious investment (ie a house).

You're a family. These should be joint decisions. Your DH certainly shouldn't say he will do something and then not do it.

Savings, then. If it’s not being spent, it’s being saved.

If he doesn’t want to save for them then he doesn’t want to save
Just accept it we didn’t save for ours
we took no board off them for the first year on the condition they saved that

This isn’t adding up, OP.
Either:

1. He has £2k left as a buffer at the end of every month. Ie, he’s not actually saving anything; just maintaining a £2k buffer at all times without growing it.
2. He’s saving £2k into his current account buffer each month, and at the end of the year he has a £24k buffer.

Option 1 is not saving, but maintaining the same expenses each month. Option 2 is saving.

Just do it when he's out at work!

We are in this exact situation but I am the higher earner and her Dad kept on at me as to why I wasn’t adding to our DD’s savings account. He transfers £15 a month and has done since she was born. I reminded him that I pay for her tutoring, for all her clothes, for her holidays, for her activities, for her school equipment. Honestly, I feel like I am doing more than enough for her financially so maybe that is how he feels too?

She said he's a high earner so I doubt it. High earners can be very tight about contributing to DC. Some see it as the wife's responsibility with the wife and DC living frugally. While the husband spends money on himself like it's going out of fashion. I've been there so I know.

How do you end up married for years, with children, and you can’t come to an agreement on how to manage your (joint) finances and savings? Or whether or not to save for your shared children? It just baffles me how married couples who are linked in so many ways work so hard to keep their financial lives separate. Especially when their earning levels are so unequal.

why don’t you just talk to him and come to an agreement? are you a partnership of equals? Why do you have to try and embarrass him into doing what you want?

It’s option 1. A couple of years ago he had debts and went overdrawn every month but he’s finally in a better position financially. I don’t mean he’s putting £2k away every month as savings.

I don't have a savings account for my kids. I feel awful.

Stop asking him to put money in their savings. Just keep adding to it yourself

I think it is very reasonable for this not to be a priority to him.

your DH does not appear to be dictating what you spend your money on - you have separate finances, if he was telling you what to spend your money on everyone would be saying he was being financially controlling.

So he’s actually spending everything he earns each month. Which means he’d need to cut back somewhere in order to redirect money to their savings.

The latest update brings to the fore a more serious issue arising from your separate finances. Whilst he keeps a £2k float, the £2k surplus each month is being spent by him. On what? Is it truly disposable income or are you under estimating the essential bills and expenses?

If he's actually frittering a large amount of disposable income on himself and not sharing it with the family, that is the real problem.

Disclaimer: I've nothing against separate finances if overall the arrangement is fair and workable.