DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

It's all very well people saying OP should do the things her DH won't do...but she's already working and looking after a disabled child, so if she takes on all the household d.i.y. as well, something will have to give. It's clear her DH isn't likely to take on the tasks OP then has to leave.

I don't think the comment in front of her parents is that bad, considering they were all having a conversation about putting money in the children's accounts and it was the obvious cue for DH to explain why not. Perhaps just asking him what he thought would have been best.

Savings over £6000 in DC's names will affect their future eligibility for benefits, so that's worth bearing in mind.

How can he stop you doing these household jobs, OP? You sound as if you're in a pattern of accepting that he makes all the decisions in everyday stuff whilst repeatedly reminding him about the savings account. You could surprise him by mowing the lawn and putting on a toilet seat while he's at work. If he doesn't like it, he can do it again himself. If sounds a difficult relationship to be in.

I know it doesn't seem fair, as it should ideally come from him. But it's the family pot isn't it? All for the same purpose. To help your DC.

It just means your DH can spend more money on you from his wages to balance it all out. Expect large bouquets of red roses every Friday from now on🤣

Does everyone save for their children?

Separate accounts isn’t an issue if there is transparency/honesty or at least mutual financial goals. Your joint household income of £59k gross is at least £4.1k net excluding pensions which is decent if you don’t have a relatively high mortgage (which you don’t - since you rent in social housing). I think you need to have a honest discussion about future financial goals as a family. Do you wish to buy and save up a deposit as a priority? What about pension contributions? What about emergency savings? What about 3-6 mths household expenses savings in case of redundancy? Personally, I would prioritise these before putting an extra £20 into my DC’s savings account. IMO, that extra £20 pcm would be more beneficial in your own pension or your own L/LISA. Please save for yourself before your DC.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course, he can be saving money for his dc each month. He makes plenty of money, even with paying the bulk of the bills to chuck 10 quid a month in there. Dh and I each set up £15 standing orders when our dc were born. MIL sends them £20 as well, I think. So between us, it’s £50 per child per month. When our eldest was born, Dh was making £18k a year and I was a postgraduate student. We made it work.

You kind of blew your own cause apart when you agreed that you blew your own savings at 18 and you could do a lot with that money now.
So stop saving money for your kids to blow and utilise it now while they are your responsibility.
When they are 18 and earning you can top them up because they will be covering more of their own bills, I can't afford to save for my son, and I don't know if he will be sensible or greatful enough to not waste it at 18 if I did, but when he is not my financial responsibility any more I will be in a great position to debit him a monthly contribution while he learns to stand on his own two feet gradually. It's not sensible to give him everything I can afford to give him all at once when he is 18, I can help him all through his early adulthood when I'm not feeding and clothing him and paying for his bus fare, phone, xbox subscription and sports clubs.

I had this discussion in a group last weekend, hardly anyone in the group had saved significantly for their child's adulthood. We all assumed everyone else was!
This was low to middle income households.

I put money in a stocks and shares ISA for my kids and have done since they were born to give them security when they're older. I started with £30 a month when I was working part time (their Dad paid half of this) and as my earnings have increased I've increased the amount I add. In the meantime I'm trying to teach them the value of money and importance of having savings so they don't just blow it when they turn 18. We're a family of 4 as well.

You’ve made your choice to save, he’s choosing not to. Neither of you is right 🤷‍♀️ FWIW, I’d have been absolutely mortified if I was your DH and you’d have done that to me. How controlling!

I chose to save for DS but that was my choice. My ex-husband didn’t save. It was never discussed as it wasn’t my business. When the money is handed over, just make sure that you get full credit.

I agree.

I daresay he is generous enough already, your children don't need loads of savings right now. If they need a sum of money for something later on, no doubt he will cough up readily enough.

Their values might be baked in but one coercive / controlling relationship / drug issues / any number of things that could happen to your DC at the moment of inheritance and that money is gone.

Saved in YOUR name you can gift as appropriate at the right time.

That's your problem.

@itwasntmetho I mean,we do have savings, and if the children need money we'll obviously give them some. But it's not specifically for them. I expect them to make their own way in the world!

They might. And I might also not be around to give them money when they're older. But I think it's pretty sad how many people are putting a downer on OP saving for her kids because they're planning for their kids future drug issues or claiming universal credit as soon as they turn 18. You never know, they might want to use it to fund uni, travel or a flat deposit....

@itwasntmetho I put £5 a month in an account for them and the occasional £20 they get gifted.

Handing over a few grand to an 18 year old seems daft. You're better to have savings yourself that you could use to help them out if needed.

my DC have savings accounts but their dad never pays any into it, neither do i, but at 18 they had a good few thousand from grandparents / gifts. But their dad is paying for their university and will help with a house deposit. Imagine if they had access to that money in their own name at 18. I don’t think its a good idea to save a lot in children’s names. Enough to help their social life at uni or a first run around car, no more than that. You were very out of order saying that in front of your family.

But that's exactly what he is. 🙄🤔

@itwasntmetho I’d always assumed that parents who could afford to saved abit for the children, but I’ve discovered that it’s not the case. One of my closest friends is from a wealthy family, but she hasn’t put anything aside for her children. I was genuinely surprised.

My DD (19) is now in charge of her own accounts (although I’m a co-owner on one of them) and she’s very frugal with her own money, loves getting interest!

Maybe he doesn’t have any leftover money after bills etc. Something in savings is better than nothing, OP. 🌺 You must have saved a bit since you have been paying into their accounts for years? You seem quite annoyed about the amount saved.

Interest is usually quite low now on saved money, if your DH has his own investments or is overpaying a mortgage to pay off asap he will be able to help your child with university, buying a home or whatever else that way when they’re older. There’s no reason to put it in the child’s name now necessarily?

Also sorry £47k isn’t a huge salary nowadays and if you earn less, is all his money accounted for in bills and expenses, perhaps he doesn’t have allot left to also pay into another savings account?

We’re a high income family. My kids don’t have savings accounts. We however have a lot of savings that we will be able to use for things they need when they’re older… university, first cars, help towards deposits etc. There are a lot of downsides to putting the money in their names.

@WiserOlderElf You certainly don’t want overdo it savings-wise, but I have to say that DD is doing a good job learning how to manage her money with the little she’s got. She’s also got a credit card that gives cash back that she pays off religiously every month to build her credit score. 😂

We didn’t put in university money in their names, far too risky.

I would say a large amount do.

Mine do have their own bank accounts that their birthday money/pocket money etc goes in, so they are learning to manage their own money in that respect. They both transfer £10 a month into their own savings post (they’re 10 and 9), which is cute!