DH won’t pay into children’s savings accounts

[CocoMaroon]

DH and I have separate bank accounts, I work part time on a low wage and DH is a much higher earner (£47k) When our children were born I opened savings accounts for them and make sure I put in any left over birthday money, Christmas money etc and I pay in an amount each month out of my own account.

Since they were born I have asked my husband to set up a standing order from his account (alongside mine) and he’s not bothered. Our oldest is now 13 and when I think of how much more could be in his account if DH had been paying money in.

He says he never gets around to it, never has the chance, I’ve begged him, nagged him, walked him to their bank so he could set it up, he took the details promising he would do it that evening. That was a year ago 😡

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

AIBU??

There is no way on a salary of £47k a month that he has surplus of £2k a month whilst supporting a family of 4

Many mums with children work full time, it’s far from clear it’s not possible. It’s not obligatory to save in children’s bank accounts, we don’t, it’s just a parenting choice unlike keeping them clean and fed and reading to them which are all basics of good parenting. Your dh doesn’t want to. Why do you think you get to insist? Can’t you talk like adults?

I’m sorry I see there a disability is the reason why you can’t work. I should also clarify that I think saving if possible is essential in a family, but doing it in your children’s bank accounts is a choice. We save every month but not in our children’s bank accounts. I would rather be able to fund things they need rather than they get access at 18 and blow it all.

I'm not on the highest pay , in fact currently on maternity but you bet I pay £20 into my daughters bank account without fail , every single month

OP, I think you've been given a bit of an unnecessary hard time, partly because there are several issues here that are causing confusion.

1. Sounds like you have children with someone, and have sacrificed your earning power to do more of the caring for them, but your finances are not properly joint- which makes you and the children vulnerable.
2. Sounds like your DH is bad at managing money- overspending in the past, and even now spending everything he earns every month unnecessarily, and at the cost of your family's security. Meaning that you, on a third of the wages due to being the main child carer also, is carrying all the burden of trying to save.

3 Sounds like your DH is useless generally at getting things done and sticking to his commitments.

1. Sounds like you disagree on whether to put money aside explicitly for the kids in the kids name. This last one is what you led with, and is actually by far the least clear.... because saving explicitly in children's names can be a headache, especially if you don't have tons of financial security. It makes it impossible to get the money back, even to pay for crises. It becomes legally theirs at 18, and they may not spend it wisely. And it can distort benefit calculations I think.

I'd say the real problem is the top three issues.

Many people make this mistake - little children become bigger ones , and once theybaren18;they have total control over an account you put in their name . They might want to spend it on an elaborate tattoo, cosmetic suregery, drugs , gambling , the list goes on - some things you will approve of some you won’t , but perhaps your husband is more aware of this and thinks he will contribute at that time if it’s appropriate and a good use of funds for the whole family.

If it's no big deal why would it embarrass him?

Because it's a manipulative and unpleasant way of trying to get him to do something.

So he barely has anything leftover - 2k is nothing for a family of four. What will you do if the boiler breaks, or the car fails its' MOT, for example?

Why don't you have a joint account? You should both be putting 50/50 into the account. Even if it's just £20 a month. Sit him down and tell him if he doesn't add money to their savings then how does he think it will look when you tell them he added nothing.

He may have no spare cash. You work part-time and you have two DC and he earns 47k, which is not a great deal these days. You outed that he pays nothing into the children's savings account in front of his parents and you nag him. No wonder he said you embarrassed him and he doesn't want to put money into an account.
You could perhaps have a joint account into which both your salaries go? Then you might see where money is going - I get the feeling you do not know how your DH spends his salary or how much money is 'spare'.

This a million times over!

I’m not a fan of saving in children’s names as at 18 it becomes theirs to do what they want. As much as we all hope to raise sensible children, how many 18 year olds will squander lots of money rather than spend it wisely?! We have our own savings which we intend to help our kids when they need it rather than give them access to money to waste. Maybe your DH think is the same.

That seems unlikely on £47k?!? While also supporting a family

After tex, NI, pension…. £2k is most of his take home pay

I actually have done the same thing with my son and have managed to put in a fair bit on his first year of life even though I’ve been on mat leave. My husband hasn’t put any in there, but then he’s been paying a huge proportion of the mortgage and bills so it’s not really something I asked again after the first time. That’s not to say he will never contribute though. I can see why you are disappointed, but when you are married in many ways it doesn’t matter which persons bank it comes out of when you share a household as you both pay for different things.

Probably quite a few benefits on top of that so hence able to save. Someone has a valid point about your disabled DC though. If they are likely to always need means tested benefits then savings will not be worthwhile really as deducted from benefits. Al so might be better to ensure savings can't be accessed until a later age. Sure than can be done in a trust or something

I’m a single mother of two children 2 and 5 I’ve been saving for them since they were born , only £60 each a month but it adds up ❤️ it’s not important to some people to save for their children but the way I see it I would easily spend £120 on a meal out so why not put this aside for my sons

He’s only bringing home £3100. How can he have a couple of grand to spare?

He had a small payout from work a while ago which he keeps as a buffer in his account.

But that buffer isn’t growing, so he’s spending what he earns every month with nothing to spare.

That’s not a high family earnings pot to be putting money aside in children’s’ bank accounts

This, also you aren't in a tax bracket where you need to be putting it in their names for tax reasons either. Many people choose not to save money in children's names because you can't just take it back if you need it, and they can piss it away when they are 18 if they choose.

It doesn't really sound like you can afford to give family money away and not be able to use it.

My parents have recently set up an account for our children and were telling us about it yesterday- I said to DH that I wished he would pay something into their accounts. He walked up to me later and whispered in my ear “do not embarrass me like that again”

Thats because its absolutely humiliating for you to bring that up in front of your parents. He probably wishes you both did earn a bit more but has sod all left after paying all the bills. If you want there to be more money available for your children maybe you need to increase your hours and try to earn a bit more, provide for your family?

He had a small payout from work a while ago which he keeps as a buffer in his account.

Which he needs in case of any unexpected bills, or if he ends up having to take time off because he's sick or injured.

If he added £20 a month to their savings, that buffer would very soon vanish - then where would it leave you? In debt? Not being able to pay for bills or other essentials?

It takes about 5 minutes to set up direct debit using a bank app.

So no, you are not being unreasonable. He’s just avoiding a very simple task.

It doesn’t look as if that “simple task” is affordable.