To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

[NaanAnaan]

Dh wants us all to go to Spain for 7 nights at Xmas with his PIL and his child-free sister. I don’t want to.

We would be staying in a large vacation home of family friend, but it will be too cold to swim in their pool (about 17 in the day) so I suspect kids will be disappointed and will whinge. And I have only a handful of days off work so I would have to work some days while we are there from 8am to 5.30pm.

It will cost £1600 for our travel to the airport, flights, and kennelling our pets for a week.

I told dh amiably that I don’t really want to go but so the in-laws aren’t disappointed he would be welcome to take the kids and I’ll have the £400 to spend on myself, thanks!

My teen dd then chimed in, “actually can I stay home with mum and have the £400 too?”

At which point dh lost the plot and yelled at us both “fine we won’t go then!” and was quite unpleasant to me.

aibu to just say no?

Mmm ye OK

There's nothing horrible in that message 🤣

I don’t think you are being unreasonable I think it just sounds like more stress imho I couldn’t think of nothing worse than going on “holiday” at Christmas and is it really a holiday when it going to be freezing? I hate the cold so this really wouldn’t be my cup of tea I don’t even think the money comment was that bad either I think some people are just snowflakes I think if the kids don’t really want to go they shouldn’t be forced to either

I would go just to be away from the UK for Christmas but we are all different.

The U.K. is magical at Christmas with so much to do, especially when it snows ☃️ so I can definitely see why you and teens would like to stay.

Will the holiday home be heated? From experience, such places in ‘hot’ countries can feel pretty bloody chilly in the colder months.

Unlike the one that was u surprisingly deleted!

Some people when they have people pointing out their errors, just turn unpleasant!

Do you tho the teen should be awarded £400 as well? I’m not sure why you think the DH is a “snowflake”, would you not be upset if your DH and teen spoke to you like that? If not raise your bar.

but OP has acknowledged and apologised for her comment.

*unsurprisingly

Oh yes those marvellous white UK Christmases, so renowned for the magic….

You sound so bitter and jealous. The U.K. is particularly special at Christmas. 🎅🏻

PMSL!!

The chances in the UK of snow at Easter is higher my lovely!!

Bitter and jealous of what…. My 56th UK Christmas?

Glad your vile post to me was deleted! You sound awful.

Why do you continue with this? It’s really strange. I love Christmas here, you clearly don’t, that’s not my problem. I hope you find peace.

i love Christmas also, why do you continue with your narrative?

The question originally was not about a traditional Christmas but about OP saying should I say DP can take the children away without me (it’s in the title).

I get later the OP says oh but I want and grieve a traditional Christmas, (whilst saying let DH take the kids away and I want £400 a “joke”, to stay home) but the original reasons were work, cold, childless sister.

Im not sure why you’re so fixated on “it’s all about loving Christmas here” you know the snow (?), the ice cover skating on the rivers (?), the stars in the sky… but OL is happy without any of that without her family (that’s more about Christmas for me, than sleet and rain), S

But us the title says OP says is she unhappy to tell DH to take the kids without her? She doesn’t care!

But asking for £400 and getting her teen involved for another £400 is vile!

Anyway, have a happy lonely (snowy?) Christmas, it that means more to you than family!!

I don’t think you are unreasonable to say no, but I do think you are unreasonable to suggest that you should have the £400.

It sounds very tit for tat. Are your resources not pooled? It may be that you might wish to do something for yourself, but to actually state that you should take the money instead sounds a bit selfish and grabby to be honest. Also, I think you are setting a bad example to your children for their future relationships and how they should support their partner in the future. Also I think you shouldn’t have had this conversation in front of the kids (too late now i know) as you’ve now opened a can of worms and set a precedent for the future which I feel will be difficult to navigate.