To say dh can take kids to Spain without me?

[NaanAnaan]

Dh wants us all to go to Spain for 7 nights at Xmas with his PIL and his child-free sister. I don’t want to.

We would be staying in a large vacation home of family friend, but it will be too cold to swim in their pool (about 17 in the day) so I suspect kids will be disappointed and will whinge. And I have only a handful of days off work so I would have to work some days while we are there from 8am to 5.30pm.

It will cost £1600 for our travel to the airport, flights, and kennelling our pets for a week.

I told dh amiably that I don’t really want to go but so the in-laws aren’t disappointed he would be welcome to take the kids and I’ll have the £400 to spend on myself, thanks!

My teen dd then chimed in, “actually can I stay home with mum and have the £400 too?”

At which point dh lost the plot and yelled at us both “fine we won’t go then!” and was quite unpleasant to me.

aibu to just say no?

Well you don't have to go but to expect £400 and to say that in front of the children was a bit thoughtless

Yes this is so right! 😂

You couldn’t pay me £4000 to agree to this! Just to put it out there! 😂

If OPs DH is the sort of person who “just throws ideas out there” without having thought through the practicalities that can be exhausting (speaking from experience!) but she had handled this one very badly! @NaanAnaan if I were you I’d apologise to DH and then step through with him (away from the kids!) all the practical reasons this idea doesn’t work. If he wants it to work then he has to come up with the solutions that work for everyone.

You couldn’t pay me to not be with my kids for 7 nights at Christmas.

What makes you thinking that she was joking?

Your need to try and make your opinion correct?

I can’t see any laughing emojis?

They don’t want to go so that isn’t an issue as far as I can see.

The tone of the post, I guess.

I wouldn't go away over Christmas Day if that meant missing seeing other family members.

However if it's in the south of Spain it's brilliant for a short break just after Christmas or over new year. While it's damp and miserable at home you can be walking around in the sunshine, playing sports on the beach. Just sitting outside and feeling some sunshine and warmth - and even though it's quite chilly in the evening, most places have heaters and blankets so you can still sit outside and take in the atmosphere with the little squares/ buildings all lit up .

As long as you have WiFi, iPad/laptop, and maybe if your kids have some sort of hand held gaming device you aren't totally relying on the weather being good 100 per cent.

It's not the same as a summer holiday obviously- but for 2.5 hours on a plane I love it!

In fact can I add that when my DH first suggested it, my thoughts were 'haven't I got enough to do over this time of year, now I've got to faff about packing suitcases'. But once I arrived I was an immediate convert.

I think it's a bit miserable to strong arm your dp out of a Christmas with his family because it won't be as much fun as a usual summer holiday.

Is it strong arming or having an opinion? She doesn’t have to agree. Maybe they could agree on a time she would like, or maybe the idea of a holiday at all with them is unworkable for the sake of family harmony. I get the impression the in laws live here and they are all using a friends villa for the week. Compromise might work, it might not.

Vivid imagination and want to be right.

jokes are funny, when all
parties laugh…..

Agree with the majority, not unreasonable to stay behind given the reasons you state, however you were beyond unreasonable to say that infront of your teenager. No wonder your DH is annoyed.

They don’t want to go because they want their £400 like their mother does!

Do you not think the mother is wrong encouraging that type of greed?

if you don’t, it’s a poor reflection on you.

1 of them has turned around and said she doesn’t want to go, straight after she heard her mum say she doesn’t want to go and have the £400 instead.

There was no mention of any of the kids not wanting to go before then.

You don’t appear to be reading my posts. I don’t think the op was serious about the money, at all, just saying she would rather keep the money and stay at home in jest.

It’s also possible she would prefer to spend the money in other ways - than go on a working holiday with her in laws. It does not sound like much of a holiday for her at all. It is not unreasonable either.

How would you like to never have a Christmas in your home country again because your family decided that it wasn't worth it if they couldn't use the pool?

I am reading your posts, why would you say that?

you’re being extremely obtuse!

Are you a sock, because OP hasn’t been back, strangely enough.

YANBU, @NaanAnaan !

It’s a holiday home, which means it won’t have heating. It be will be bloody freezing!

They probably won’t have warm duvets and extra blankets to make up for the lack of heating either.

My parents staying in a holiday home with friends in Spain in February. Despite the great company they had a crap time, as everyone was too cold to sleep well overnight so was grumpy every day.

A holiday home is kitted out for stays during warm weather. It tends not to have the usual cool weather stuff a permanent residence would have.

It doesn’t matter if she was joking about the money or not, she still said it in front of her child.

It was a discussion that should have been had when none of her kids were around.

Not seeing your kids for 7 nights over Xmas is a huge deal and OP and DH should have discussed this first. They then should have decided between them if they were going to allow the kids to stay home or make them go etc.

OP should not have said about not going on the family trip (which she’s serious about) in front of any of the children.

She definitely shouldn’t have mentioned the money (whether joking or not) in front of any of the children.

She was in the wrong.

Ahhh! You may be on to something there!

They have added details to the story a couple of times now.
And is adamant that OP is right and her DH is wrong 🤔

Unclear from OP whether it’s her PIL (ie her DH parents), or her DH PIL (which can’t be, surely, as that would be her own parents?? Not sure what relevance the ‘child-free’ sister has to this topic?

We go to Italy at Christmas, so that DH can spend the holidays with his family, and my DS reconnect with his cousins, GPs etc. No pool involved; it’s just a regular visit at Christmas time, with all the usual traditions that involves.

Assuming the PIL are your children’s GPs, once you start setting the example to your DC that it’s ok not to go, that surely means they’ll see less of them going forward, especially once they get older. I can see why your DH was disappointed. As for putting a monetary value on it ……

The pool situation would be easy: You tell the dc before they go that in your opinion it will be far too cold to use. They then go without expectations. They can try it if they like, but you don't expect complaints about temperature.

But discussing it in front of dc is definitely not on. I think all three of mine would jump at £400 rather than a holiday unless it was particularly great.
In fact Ds would probably pay me £400 not to go away even if it was the most fun holiday ever. He hates going away at all.

Not manipulative in the slightest, just don’t think OP should have to go if she doesn’t want to and is working. She knows how her own children and DH will be as well as her in-laws as do the rest of us when it comes to our own.

Plus, I dislike the excuse that because it’s Christmas, one should do xyz.

@AmeliaEarache

It’s a holiday home, which means it won’t have heating. It be will be bloody freezing!

It doesn't mean that at all . Every single place I've stayed in Spain has had heating - normally the aircon is dual purpose and blows warm as well as cold, and there may be additional plug in heaters. Sounds like your family just didn't choose well . Obviously I can't speak for the place that OP's family are renting .