Raised voice at wife and am now in the dog house

[Nastynigel]

We were going shopping and my wife wanted to go one route but that would have taken longer, so we turned right instead of left.
My wife alleges I shouted at he when she suggested we turn left. I didn’t, although I did raise my voice to tell her she was wrong because her route would have taken longer.

I realised instantly I had made a mistake. We ended up cutting our shopping trip short, and she is now upstairs, crying and speaking to me

I’ve apologised but I’m being accused of shouting at her each week, although she cannot give me specific examples.

I was just annoyed at the kids fighting and her telling me what route I should take.
Advice? We seem to have a falling out every few weeks and it’s tiring for me and her.

Yep and here we go with the "poor men" and "if this was a man it would be different" comments.

So many of these subtle and not so subtle women-bashing threads at the moment.

Protect your children. Acknowledge their mother's behaviour is not right / normal. Help them feel loved and valued and safe. Be interested in them.

Help your wife get some therapy / support. She doesn't need to repeat what her mother taught her.

And do practical thinks around the house and with the kids. Be an active parent. Bring some joy into the family not more horribleness, even if you have to fake it at first.

OP you have mentioned this is somewhat of a pattern and you wife will stay in bed today and the response to what happened will last about a week. What happens to bring this to an end usually?

She shouldn't be telling you what to do while you were driving.
Her behavior does sound incredibly dramatic. You didn't raise your voice for fun or no reason, I would do the same if someone was bossing me about especially while driving.
Totally unfair of her to make this out to be your fault.
Is she going through menopause which might make her more emotional than usual?
Anyway I voted YANBU.

Lastly, I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it had been a friend in my car instead of my wife, which says a lot about me as a person and a husband.

This is what she’s really reacting to, not “just” the shouting.

Ltb

Protect your kids and take them with you

And here we go with the 'wives should get away with everything and husband's should just suck it up and be yes men' comments 🙄

It's not women bashing, it's who is in the wrong.
regardless of gender

Yeah is it the menopause because that makes all women even more crazy?
Or maybe she's just crazy anyway because women just are, right?

Seriously!! 🙄

No but it is a well known fact that hormonal changes cause some women to be completely irrational. I have PMDD and peri so I know.

So how are you willing to solve this problem. You are both getting annoyed about the effect of an unknown underlying cause. Sheis clearly suffering from low esteem in your relationship, and I believe you are as well. I have to say forgetthe kids for a minute, you both need to take a long hard look at your relationship, because unless you two are happy the kids will always cop it. If you were happy and she was happy, and she suggested a different route, would you have acted the same? (I'm not saying it's your fault, I'm just saying neitherof you want to deal with the underlying issue). Whenthings are calm, book yourself and her an evening for a horrid discussion. If either of you two don't want to work on your relationship, then the hard truth is you need to look at a divorce, and most importantly discuss how to co-parent the kids.

You're not wrong but I think there's something else going on. Exhaustion, misery, whatever, that might be the root cause of this,

Yes but this thread has a seriously off slant to it - can you not see that?
The OP is hoping people will slag off his wife and women in general and paint him as the poor hard done by man.

It's not nice to raise your voice at someone, but what your wife should do at the time,is say stop raising your voice I don't like it.
I think she's being a bit melodramatic cutting the trip short and crying upstairs, that's not a very nice atmosphere for your children to be in either.

You only feel she's overreacting because you and her are not on the same page. She may be unable to explainwhy it affects her so much, shemay know why but worried that you will leave her if she tells you the truth. If you have any chance, you need to get on the same page.

Please remember that men aren't very good at expressing their feelings, and message boards make it harder to convey those emotions.

Rubbish
I dont get that at all.
No one is 'slagging off his wife'
Or are you one of those mumsnetters that believes mumsnet is exclusively for mothers and wives?
Seriously get with the times!
OP gets screamed at by her too so is that okay?
The double standards on here is beyond belief sometimes!

I am genuinely curious how this comes to be resolved usually as you said it normally lasts a week. Just how often is this happening?

I strongly disagree with you OP that it is a normal part of married life that people become angry and upset. Arguments happen of course, but have genuinely never had a week long disagreement and been married 20 years.

Its perfectly reasonable for your wife to be upset you shouted at her. I would be upset if DH shouted at me too. Its not necessary. However, if we take your post at face value, you mentioned she screamed at you last month. That is not OK either. Did she apologise for this? How did you react aftwrwards?

This does not sound like it is working for anyone.

Get her some flowers and do better.

Completely agree, the problem is, that she may be extremely manipulative, but doesn't realise it. Borderline Personality Disorder for example can include this, where the person over reacts because of an underlying issue, but they don't do anything on purpose, they honestly feel completely betrayed or lost, or abondoned etc...

I know you shouldn't raise your voice but she does sound a bit of a drama queen / brat and should not be carrying on like this for a week in front of your children.
Are there any other issues not mentioned mental health issues ect ?

She does sound very melodramatic.

If a colleague shouted at me every week I’d report them for bullying.
if my husband shouted at me every week I’d consider it emotional abuse and I’d divorce him. There’s no way I’d live my life treading on eggshells and waiting for the next outburst.

youre an adult. Do better. Control your emotions. I’m assuming you don’t shout at people at work? So you can control yourself.

if she is as bad as you and shouts at the kids and you then point this out to her. You both sound unhappy and would probably benefit from couples counselling or you’ll be divorced in a couple of years. I can’t stand passive aggressive behaviour either and her not talking to you for a week is pathetic and solves nothing.

Maybe some counselling or maybe you should leave and take the children with you.

I have learnt about male aggression which didn’t even cross my mind.

Lastly, I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it had been a friend in my car instead of my wife, which says a lot about me as a person and a husband.

Use this as a learning opportunity- it sounds like your marriage is doomed, but you can use what you've learnt here to be a considerably better man and partner in the future.

Also, no, not all couples shout at each other- my wife and I have been together for 8 years and never have. We've always managed to have arguments in a normal tone, so I don't see why you can't.

She will usually start speaking to me if I continue to talk to her. She won’t speak to me if I don’t make the effort.