Raised voice at wife and am now in the dog house

[Nastynigel]

We were going shopping and my wife wanted to go one route but that would have taken longer, so we turned right instead of left.
My wife alleges I shouted at he when she suggested we turn left. I didn’t, although I did raise my voice to tell her she was wrong because her route would have taken longer.

I realised instantly I had made a mistake. We ended up cutting our shopping trip short, and she is now upstairs, crying and speaking to me

I’ve apologised but I’m being accused of shouting at her each week, although she cannot give me specific examples.

I was just annoyed at the kids fighting and her telling me what route I should take.
Advice? We seem to have a falling out every few weeks and it’s tiring for me and her.

It’s been like this from the start of our marriage; she is always ready to get upset and angry, and not just with me.

I have tried, & I have become tired of trying because one slip and she reacts like this.
She isn’t faking she reaction; she is genuinely upset, angry, distraught. I know she ‘ll react this way so I always try not to upset her, and keep my opinions to myself, but it’s impossible to do this 100% of the time.

Fantastic post, please read this again OP.

I agree, but her reaction isn’t normal either. She is angry at the kids, she’ll refuse food, and she will just continue to cry.

I am human as well, and losing for temper or being annoyed is a perfectly human reaction. She does it frequently with me and our children.

Don't pander to her drama.
Just go downstairs and leave her to her performance.
Backseat drivers are the passive aggressive worst

Absolutely textbook passive aggressive abuse.

Taking her emotions out on the kids tell you everything you need to know about her. You can decide to put up with her shit, you're an adult. Protect your kids from her.

I’m a shouty woman and if a passenger was telling me where to go in thick traffic I’d have shouted too.

Well no I wouldn’t have actually. I would have pulled over, said “well you drive then” and got out. Tears etc wouldn’t have cut it. When I’m driving and concentrating, I’m driving. It’s dangerous otherwise.

Sorry but I won’t have this ‘men can’t raise their voice’ dialogue. They can, and you can too.

This is ridiculous.

You raised your voice at her, and she's crying over it, and now punishing you to this extent?

Prehaps there is something more going on. But seriously, your wife needs to get a grip

This isn't normal she needs therapy

This

Are you trying to say shouting was justified or are you saying everyone is human and we are all capable of behaving badly?

It's coming across as the former, I have to say. Shouting at your wife because you're annoyed because she wouldnt shutup, and the kids have been acting up, sounds like excusing your behaviour.

Do you yourself like being shouted at over small matters? I'm assuming the longer route wouldn't have taken you an extra hour here.

Do you shout at your male colleagues when you're annoyed at work, or at other men who annoy you?

She sounds like a textbook manipulator. Punishes anyone who dares to respond to what she deems inappropriate.

Are you looking for a load of women to agree with you so you can go and tell how unreasonable she's being?

She wants you on eggshells and so your first thought to ever pushing back over anything minor or major is "Oh it's not that big a deal and I don't want to face the repercussions of staffing up to her. "

Wanting to go out with friends, disagreement over who's family you see this Christmas, how to deal with an issue over the kids or finances... as soon as you argue your point in anything beyond a placating agreeable whisper "I can't believe you're shouting at me!! 😭"

Absolutely fuck that manipulative shit

Shop online from now on
don't tell the driver what to do

But if everything op is saying is true she is being unreasonable

Again, read this post OP. Just read it and see how it feels if you 'try it on'.

Yes to this.

You say you were 'just' annoyed and it's a normal human reaction. There's a line between being annoyed and shouting, and you haven't acknowledged that, nor have you acknowledged the impact it is having on your relationship.

Instead you've offered justifications (the kids; she was being stupid, to paraphrase) and drip feeds. If your wife is as volatile and unpredictable and moody as you're suggesting, you should have left years ago.

I'd like to suggest that her behaviour isn't happening in a vacuum and that you need to acknowledge that shouting at her on a regular basis is causing problems, not solving them, and that it isn't ok.

Ah yes.

IF.

I was ready until you said about the kids. There’s a huge chance I’d have shouted too (not proud but have definitely been there!). You probably did shout though op, very small line between the two. Just apologise!!

Op's are only to be taken at face value of the OP is.....

Sounds like you've fucked it.

Would be a better idea if you found somewhere to go, as she's clearly trapped for some reason.

But that goes for every poster on here so you give advice based on what your being told