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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

529 replies

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:33

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/10/2024 14:35

If he gets super anxious then why not indulge him and go for a nice lunch or dinner or shopping there, you don't want to start the holiday with one person very stressed

randomchap · 04/10/2024 14:35

What's his reasoning?

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:36

But I just feel like this one starter trip will be me indulging him 3 hours before forever.

It's my day off too.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 04/10/2024 14:36

If going a bit earlier means he can relax and enjoy it then why not?

feeling rushed to get the the airport would make the whole thing more stressful for me

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:36

It stresses me to be there in a busy place for a long time as it is

OP posts:
strawberry12345 · 04/10/2024 14:37

Could you compromise at 2.5h?

MumChp · 04/10/2024 14:38

Then don't? You can do 2 hours. He can do 3 hours but is it a hill to die on?

BobbyBiscuits · 04/10/2024 14:38

I'd rather go along with it then risk travelling with someone having a panic attack or just being chaotic and rushing. It's no bad thing to get there with enough time to chill out and have a meal/couple of drinks before departure. The time will go really quickly. I always need to rush at airports and it's so stressful. I try and give plenty of time but things happen. It's a really big place with lots going on.
In this instance I'd say it's probably no harm to give yourself that window of time.

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:39

BobbyBiscuits · 04/10/2024 14:38

I'd rather go along with it then risk travelling with someone having a panic attack or just being chaotic and rushing. It's no bad thing to get there with enough time to chill out and have a meal/couple of drinks before departure. The time will go really quickly. I always need to rush at airports and it's so stressful. I try and give plenty of time but things happen. It's a really big place with lots going on.
In this instance I'd say it's probably no harm to give yourself that window of time.

But then I'm going to be doing it forever amnt I?

If I don't ask for a compromise now every time we'll be doing it his way

OP posts:
Cheepcheepcheep · 04/10/2024 14:39

Personally I love getting to the airport nice and early and then going for a meal and a mooch around the shops, or just sitting somewhere quiet with a glass of wine and a book if I'm solo. It's part of the holiday.

This seems to be more about the inflexibility point, though? Is this just one example in a long line? Because if my partner was 'insisting' that we go three hours early then I think that would be a problem.

Dinoswearunderpants · 04/10/2024 14:41

I seriously don't see the issue. You get to the airport early, go for some nice food/drink. A bit of shopping. What's the alternative? You spend an extra hour at home doing what?

What happens if there's traffic and it takes longer than expected? Most flight check in closes 90 mins before the flight so you might miss it.

You seem really stubborn about this. He's been open with you about being on the spectrum and you can't even support him on this. Doesn't sound like the relationship will work.

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:41

@Cheepcheepcheep

I think so. He just said that's when I want to be there and that's that. But we're on a trip together, the time should be agreed together.

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 04/10/2024 14:42

I'm on the other side of this - I always want to go early, my DH indulges me as he knows how stressed I get leaving it later, and he wants me to be happy? I really appreciate it.

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:43

The thing is he didn't give a reason for wanting to go 3 hours early

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

OP posts:
Tellysavelas · 04/10/2024 14:44

His anxiety doesn’t trump your anxiety.

Do you live separately? Are you travelling via public transport? The solution is to travel separately.

Getting there 2 hours before is very reasonable for a European flight.

Travel separately, let him work out what he wants, to arrive at a reasonable time with you or early without you.

MumChp · 04/10/2024 14:44

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:39

But then I'm going to be doing it forever amnt I?

If I don't ask for a compromise now every time we'll be doing it his way

Edited
Show quote history

On a holiday there will be a number of situations where you and your partner have to make a compromise or not get it your way. You are two people travelling. Not one. I think you will have some clashes if arrival time at the airport is an issue.

fruitbrewhaha · 04/10/2024 14:44

We normally arrive earlier than 2 hours prior to a flight. We live pretty close to an airport
bit it’s country lanes and we order a taxi so I factor in some “fuck up” time, ie the taxi not turning up, or getting a flat, or an accident holding up the road etc. To date we’ve not been delayed so have an extra 30 mins. By the time you’ve got though you will have time for a nice meal and drink at the airport. I see it as part of the holiday.

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2024 14:44

He's right. It can take that amount of time to get through a major airport.

I've known Stansted, which is our local airport, at busy times take half an hour to get checked in if you need to use bag drop and then a further almost hour to get through security. Sometimes longer if there are problems.Then the gates can be quite some distance from the departure lounge and necessitating travel on a train (monorail) service, with still significant distances to walk after that has dropped you off.

I'd agree with your partner. Leave plenty of time. If you do find you have some time to spare it really won't be that much and you can always stop for a relaxing drink or a coffee.

TheDrunkenClam · 04/10/2024 14:44

It’s 60 minutes! And you’ll be glad of those extra minutes if there is some kind of delay en route to the airport.
Not something to get worked up about (and there are lots of things that my family never did - doesn’t stop me from doing them now though 😊)

TickingAlongNicely · 04/10/2024 14:44

Which airport, and how notorious is it for delays? And how are you getting there?

While we don't plan on getting to the airport extremely early, once you've factored allowing for transport delays etc we sometimes are there early. We aim for when check in/bag drop opens.

Latenightreader · 04/10/2024 14:45

Having once missed a flight years ago because of an accident on the motorway I always leave a little more time than I need. I had friend who missed a flight in April because security queues were so long - they weren’t alone that day. The queues to rebook were dreadful too. Why risk it for the sake of an hour?

Tellysavelas · 04/10/2024 14:45

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:43

The thing is he didn't give a reason for wanting to go 3 hours early

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

Then let him. Don’t give in. You’re right, if you are always the one going along with him
then the resentment will creep on very quickly.

What’s the plan for the trip, are you getting an equal say in what to do there?

User645262 · 04/10/2024 14:46

On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

Because he's on the spectrum. You just answered that yourself.

TandyhatesAmanda · 04/10/2024 14:46

I only fly Qatar business because of the suites and the lounge is a nice way yo pass the time at the airport. Maybe you can get lounge access though your credit card or pay? Its only about 40 USD and as long as it's not a crappo one, nice and relaxing with nice food and youbcan come and go.

VeryQuaintIrene · 04/10/2024 14:46

I'm Team Partner here! Getting to the airport is the worst part of flying, IMO and even my very last minute partner (who was Team You when we first got together) now really appreciates arriving relaxed and going off somewhere nice for a drink beforehand.

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