To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

It's not, but it's a non negotiable for me and I'm grateful he indulged me. He's now getting genuinely excited about a train adventure 😊

That's likely to be worse. He'd be anxious about her being late and him having to make a decision about not boarding the flight.

Are you flying out of a big or small airport? If it is a large airport three hours is not an excessive amount of time. How are you getting to the airport? I think if you feel this strongly about it you need to travel separately but in the long run this is going to be a factor for the rest of your life.

I am one of those people who like to be in the airport many hours in advance of the flight time. I did once agree to not being so early for a flight and only for a delay we would have missed the flight. It caused me untold stress and now being early for a flight it is something I will not compromise on.

Are you happy in this relationship? If you can’t compromise on this (which is a relatively minor point) I think you need to reassess.

MY DH would get to the airport literally as late as possible. I HATE that. Because he loves me he’s ‘happy’ to go to the airport early, it’s now a family joke, accepted as one of my quirks.

This is what relationships are, would I ask him to do something totally unreasonable, no, do I make other adjustments for him? Yes certainly.

This is such a non issue that I would wonder about your relationship.

Also can you just not chill together, get a coffee, wine, whatever or sit and play some cards?

Really depends if and how unreasonable he is - my closes airport is not busy and there's no way you need even 1,5 hours to get to gate, never mind 3.

Unless you were planning to go in the same car, I'd travel separately. If not feasible, compromise by getting lounge access. WAy more relaxing start to a holiday. Most airport have pay-per-use options nowadays.

Not really. If she has anxiety from being in over crowded places, she should stay at home. Airports are always crowded. Being at the airport for an extra 30 or 60 minutes is not going to make the airport less crowded.

If they miss the flight, then everyone is going to get anxious.

Suggest they get there early, then find a quiet spot to chill or pay extra and sit in the lounge.

in a way yes, you have a choice his way or your way but on your own . And it just shows how it’s going to be. People on the spectrum tend to be black and white. So they wouldn’t negotiate 2.5 hours with you and even if they did in reality they would be stressed and might end up not going at all.
If you are not easy going type who can easily spend even 4 hours in airport without any bother - this relationship is not for you.
And before any comments I wouldn’t, being on a spectrum would be a massive no for me in a partner, I wouldn’t be able to cope.

I LOVE getting to an airport early! I like the fact it's enforced rest, so I can go around the shops and have a few drinks and a meal, it's the start of the holiday. I find them really exciting and uplifting places, all those people off to go on there adventures!

I thought the ‘you do what you want’ was very sensible. He ISN’T asking OP to stay somewhere she feels stressed for longer. He’s saying what he’s going to do manage his stress and is telling OP she can do the same. I’m not sure why they have to come together?

But this coming from someone who is thinking more and more I may be autistic… I am quite distressed by how explicitly telling someone you are fine with them addressing their own needs is being an arse.

Not really. It seems a weird hill to die on tbh.

Compromising over 60 minutes shouldn't be a big deal. And why does this compromise means he never needs to compromise and you always do?

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

This sounds fine. He's not coercing you, you are free to suit yourself.

My husband once did this to me, though we were already at the airport. He was agitating to go through security and I wanted to browse for longer, so off he went. 20 minutes later I realised I'd been reading the board wrong. We were going to New York but the plane was then flying on to Denver so the board was calling the Denver flight whilst I was scanning for NY. I dashed off in a panic, miles from gate. Airport staff gave me a lift in one of the mobility vehicles and then i got fast tracked through security with the first class passengers. I actually ended up overtaking husband who had doubled back and was searching for me and apopletic as the gate was closing in 5 mins. Never again, so stressful and embarrassing. Once again, please don't be me.

Not necessarily!

I'm more like your partner, I like to be places early and have always been at the airport 3 hours early. DH would probably be more aligned with your way of thinking.
Back when we started dating, he compromised for me and came to the airport three hours early. I'm now way more comfortable with arriving later, we've got a good rhythm and understand each other better.

I think you're making a massive fuss about nothing.

This is me. I hate rushing or being in a situation where I could be late for something. So we all go to the airport early. Have a few beers and maybe a meal. Bit of shopping. DH would prefer to go later but for the number of times we go away (3 times a year maybe), he's happy to go with it. Do you travel often?

There might be a lounge you could pay for pay as you go. Makes the wait a bit more pleasurable.

Me too! I’ve got my ‘must go to’ shops, and then a cuppa and some serious people watching!

Just get there later? You seem to think you’ll offend him by going separately, but he doesn’t seem worried about that. Then you both get what you want.

Just meet him in departures if you don't want to get to the airport together.

I would much rather be early than worrying about being late, but that's just me.

Because he won’t relax.

People like that never do, and they tend to be vile about roping others into their distorted thinking. So they say stuff like “Oh look, it’s so much better to come early, don’t you think.” And then accuse you of being difficult if you say- “actually No!, I disagree”
Five minutes later they’re rifling through the baggage because they are worried they’ve lost their passport.
And nowadays most people are checked in online, travel with hand luggage only.

Give not one inch on this OP.

You can normally get into airport lounges 3 hours before the flight, book a lounge & enjoy the booze on tap!

My DH is the last minute person, likes to be last person on the plane. He travels a lot for work so more expert. He has missed flights though. Travel with him stressful.
when we travelled while I was pregnant I had to beg to leave early because I didn’t want to run w bump.

when I travel on my own, I go early. Love the no stress. Browse the shops, stop at cafe or bar. Not on spectrum, just enjoying the trip.

Find something to love about being early.

I’m anxious about being late as have been stuck in awful security queues despite leaving what I thought was enough time.

It worth finding out about checking in and if you have baggage for the hold you might not be able to get rid of them until check-in opens. But some airports and airlines do self bag drop.

I try to get to the airport as late as humanly possible. My partner wants to get ridiculously early. He finally believed me when we got to the small airport and it wasnt open yet. We usually compromise with in-between time. The natural compromise is 2.5h early if his is 3h and yours is 2h. But there is nothing wrong with traveling separately to the airport. Also you can ask him to treat both of you to a lounge if you go early. It's usually quieter and there are food and drinks.

If you've only just started dating, is it not a bit soon to be going away for a long weekend together? You're obviously not sure of each other at the moment. If you are abroad in a hotel, you're fairly trapped in each other's company.