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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

529 replies

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:33

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

OP posts:
GreatNorthBun · 04/10/2024 15:08

I think if he says you can do what you want you should go when you want.

You don't need to literally do everything together to be together. It's a reasonable adaptation to meet him at the airport instead. It seems like you are setting up an inflexible demand, not him. He is saying that he will go at a time that suits him and you should suit yourself. You are saying you must go together.

Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 15:08

Rewis · 04/10/2024 15:07

I try to get to the airport as late as humanly possible. My partner wants to get ridiculously early. He finally believed me when we got to the small airport and it wasnt open yet. We usually compromise with in-between time. The natural compromise is 2.5h early if his is 3h and yours is 2h. But there is nothing wrong with traveling separately to the airport. Also you can ask him to treat both of you to a lounge if you go early. It's usually quieter and there are food and drinks.

For me 2.5 hours would be a compromise

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaRink · 04/10/2024 15:08

We haven't just started dating.

This is our third trip. But the rest have all been UK.

OP posts:
Pistachiochiochio · 04/10/2024 15:09

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:36

But I just feel like this one starter trip will be me indulging him 3 hours before forever.

It's my day off too.

I had a relationship like this. It felt like we never compromised because if we didn't do things his way he was sulky or a stress ball.

Go separately. Meet on the plane. Why not?

Walrusdress · 04/10/2024 15:09

Why does it give him anxiety if he's not 3 hours early?

ManhattanPopcorn · 04/10/2024 15:10

He can't change and you don't want to change.

Just meet him past security. It's not a big deal.

Doggymummar · 04/10/2024 15:10

I'm sure you can compromise together. Or you'll end up like me and my autistic partner and he stays home whilst I go alone.

sorrythetruthhurts · 04/10/2024 15:10

JennaRink · 04/10/2024 14:43

The thing is he didn't give a reason for wanting to go 3 hours early

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

So he gets there earlier and you don't, what's the issue? He's not demanding you be there.

Alcedo · 04/10/2024 15:11

It's what you should technically do and I have had occasion in the past to be very glad I kept to that guideline. If it was Europe though (which it must be at 2 hours I guess) I think a compromise of 2.5 hours is okay. We fly a lot as a family (posted overseas) and we are always there three hours ahead, bit of a pain sometimes with kids but we have made our flights when there have been serious holdups for various reasons and it reduces stress.

Samesame47 · 04/10/2024 15:12

I’m with your DP I am always at the airport at least 3 hours before, often more as I have to factor in a long drive and allow for traffic. We just pay for one of the lounges, once we are through security we head straight there and that’s when holiday starts for us, wine and snacks on tap, away from the crowds and a comfy sofa to sit on

FlipFlopVibe · 04/10/2024 15:12

I couldn't be bothered posting for the sake of 60 minutes. I don't like being there too early, my DH does. Chances are being early was right. We never get to look in the shops, have a drink/food and take a leisurely walk through the airport so each time I am glad we didn't leave it any later. I too hate busy areas, but busy areas AND rushing is even worse.

Long term relationships are all about compromise, if you want to enjoy your trip, don't die on this hill. It's not worth the argument.

Topseyt123 · 04/10/2024 15:12

Latenightreader · 04/10/2024 14:45

Having once missed a flight years ago because of an accident on the motorway I always leave a little more time than I need. I had friend who missed a flight in April because security queues were so long - they weren’t alone that day. The queues to rebook were dreadful too. Why risk it for the sake of an hour?

Last year we came perilously close to missing our return flight home from Venice Marco Polo Airport because of horrendously long check-in and security queues. We were there three hours minimum ahead of our flight time too, as hotel checkout and airport bus times necessitated it.

Good thing we were. I have never seen such total and utter chaos in any airport, and I have been through a fair few. Queues just not moving, doing automated check-in and then sent to do it all again at a manned bag drop with gridlock at that queue too because they only had one person serving what looked like thousands of people. Gridlock again at the security queue. Eventually we were expedited and put into the fast lane but guess what, gridlock there too!! Then again at passport gates and then we had to absolutely race to the gate!! Not joking!

I have never before seen a whole plane load of passengers having to run all at once to the gate, with the crew waiting to depart. I saw it that day though, and the crew told us that it wasn't a particularly unusual occurrence at that airport. Chaos was apparently the norm. Our flight wasn't the only one affected by this.

Give plenty of time. Worst case scenario is you get a chance of a relaxing drink so I really don't see the issue.

Whousestypewritersanyway · 04/10/2024 15:12

I love hanging around the airport but then I am a bit weird. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t really want to do - it’s part of being a grown up 🤷🏼‍♀️

MatildaTheCat · 04/10/2024 15:12

Ask if he’d like to compromise by paying for you to have access to one of the lounges. Then have a proper relax, glass of wine and a really nice start to your break with no stress. Also pay for fast track security which cuts out more anxiety from long queues.

Alcedo · 04/10/2024 15:12

I wouldn't be impressed though if the only way he will discuss it is to say he's doing his thing, you do what you want.That isn't compromise, it won't always be a possibility in a marriage for you to each do something exactly how you want separately.

burnoutbabe · 04/10/2024 15:13

Pootles34 · 04/10/2024 14:42

I'm on the other side of this - I always want to go early, my DH indulges me as he knows how stressed I get leaving it later, and he wants me to be happy? I really appreciate it.

Snap!

And we compromise by treating us to a lounge so we can enjoy the time in that.

Also the 3 hours early also builds in normal delays on the tubes/traffic. So most times you arrive early and sometimes you arrive with "only" 2 hours.

BoobyDazzler · 04/10/2024 15:13

Entirely depends on what airport you’re flying from and where you’re going. We do 2 hours for shorthaul but would definitely aim for longer if going further afield than Europe where the costs and disruption of missing a flight or greater.

We were through security at east mids in 20 minutes last week..

itwasnevermine · 04/10/2024 15:14

YABU.

Being late to the airport is incredibly stressful and I don’t know why you'd do it? What are you doing that's so important?

cestlavielife · 04/10/2024 15:14

Have him pay lounge entry for your three hours there

WYorkshireRose · 04/10/2024 15:15

I can't imagine not compromising on something so insignificant for someone I care about, but that's just me. He's already told you what he's going to be doing and to suit yourself so just do that.

gamerchick · 04/10/2024 15:16

Just meet him there. He can do his mooching for an hour and you get to sit and chill at home for an hour.

5128gap · 04/10/2024 15:16

The airport is a symptom not the problem. I'd be very surprised if this is the first and last time his needs to do a very specific thing in a specific way collide with your wish to do something different. If you're in a relationship with a man like this and you can't accept it and give way you're in for a bumpy ride. Honestly I'd be wondering if you were suited.

kittykarate · 04/10/2024 15:17

So the questions for me are

  1. Which airport are you traveling from (e.g. if Newcastle, I'd be 2 hours, Manchester 3 because it's so bloody random)
  2. Are you checking bags? Again that would push it out to 2.5 hours for me, 3 if your bags are in any way weird that need to go via the special baggage checkin.
Peachy2005 · 04/10/2024 15:18

Depends on the airport too. With Dublin and Manchester, it is acknowledged that you need longer than 2 hours. Small regional airport is a different story. If you are using trains, you should definitely allow more time.

Cyclistmumgrandma · 04/10/2024 15:18

Not forgotten the panicking phone call from my son to say that he had missed his train stop and thus missed his flight home. No flights until the next day and he didn't have the money to transfer his ticket or pay for an overnight room.. It's one hour and I always build in extra time!