To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

[JennaRink]

Since we started dating he has always been strict about time keeping. Was always very early to our dates and he's on the spectrum.

We are going for a long weekend next week, the flight is 2 hours. He says he wants to go 3 hours before the flight.

I don't want to do this. I haven't come from a family that spent 3 hours in the airport and I never go earlier than 2. I see it as a waste of time.

But it seems ridiculous not to go together. On the other hand, why should I agree to go at his time?

You really need more than 2 hours for a European flight from Dublin? I have never found that.

YABU. You are supposed to be at the airport at least 2 hours before you fly. You should also allow some contingency in case there is heavy traffic getting there. 3 weeks ago I spent nearly an hour going through security at Luton airport. It was good to know that I had the time. Who wants to feel rushed and in danger of missing your flight. We usually get to the airport about 2.5 hours before we depart. If we get through security quickly we have a meal.

Most people check in online and if only going for a couple of days just take hand luggage. Only security to get through. Not all airports are geared up for a nice meal/mooch around either. Manchester Terminal 3 being one! People sat on steps, no room in the bars etc. it’s a hideous experience.

I'm with the OP on this one. 2 hrs is more than enough.

I like to be at the airport earlier rather than later. Sometimes it can take an hour plus to drop bags and clear security. I don’t like the stress of being late.

Luckily my DH indulges me on this, or we compromise in the middle but even with my timing we rarely have much downtime as it’s just enough time for a meal and then a relaxed walk to the gate.

I really, really, hate the stress of being late. The one time we went with his timing we were last to board after an awful sprint across the airport and nearly missed the flight. He is more reasonable now.

Agree a compromise..2.5 hours?

I've had a couple of near misses when I thought 2 hours were plenty. You never know how long it'll take to get through security. Or to get to the airport in the first place, really.

Nothing wrong in getting there with some time to spare, have a drink, look around the shops. He's not insisting you arrive 5 hours early, 3 hours is perfectly reasonable and will pass before you know it!

In itself, this isn't such a big deal. A compromise would be nice. However, I do think sometimes with travelling one person has to suck up for th eother one. DH absolutely 100% refuses to rush or even make any sort of proactive effort to keep moving. it drives me mad but I realised a long time ago I had to just embrace it. Now I know we're always the last ones off the plane, the last ones in the airport queue etc.

I also think the 3 hour thing, and how far you compromise, depends on things like timings, time to airport etc. So I'd be more willing to say, fine, fuck it, if it's just a 45 minute drive to the airport at lunch time. Far less so if I'm already getting up at 4 am to make it, and getting there involves 3 trains.

Having said all that, I do appreciate how this can feel like a slippery slope. MIL can be ridiculously irrational about travel. It doesn't actually impact me as I point blank refuse to get involved and we don't travel together, but because Dh and SIL haven't put their feed down earlier, it's RELENTLESS and actually just gets worse. Last time she had to go to the airport, DH landed up having to take work off because she insisted on being there FOUR hours before. And for reasons I don't fully understand (but I suspect it's because she can FEEL me rolling my eyes and she knows I'm not quite as accommodating) she refused to let me take her - I was free at that time! A few years ago, the day before her flight she made them all return home from a day out so that she could log on and check in online from her computer.... point blank refused to let DH do it from his phone. They all then turned around and went BACK to where they'd been. A round trip of 90 minutes. Mind blowing.

She's flying again in a couple of months. I wonder if she'll want DH to take her 5 hours ahead this time! .

Sorry, I'm in the arriving 3 hours before camp.

Even if there's traffic delays or transport problems 3 hours gives you enough spare time for any issues.

If you're there early enjoy the shops, have a meal, go to the pub, watch some planes take off and land etc. The airport time is regarded as part of our holiday and we enjoy it.

Better to be early than late. 2 hours is cutting it short. It's the perfect amount of time but you're not allowing any contingency time for traffic/ accidents/ forgetting something/ getting lost.

It’s not an outrageous amount of extra time but if it bothers you that much then you may have to accept you’re just not compatible in the long run. You don’t need to meet his every need because he’s on the spectrum but I’m not sure this is the hill I would die on.

I can see both sides as I hate being late and hate air travel so like to be early but equally if we’re too early I loathe the busyness of all the cafes and seated areas, the noise and the crowds and feeling anxious about the flight so it’s lose lose for me! On the basis that I’m going to be stressed and pissy anyway I would go with arriving early.

I try to see the airport as the beginning of my holiday and I’d hate to be worried about missing the flight or rushing if something happens in the way (traffic etc). Could you frame it like that and try to enjoy the extra time there? Have a bite to eat and something to drink if you have the extra hour?

I have the 3 hour rule and have been glad of it quite a few times.
DD took the wrong passport by mistake and only discovered it at check in, if I hadn't taught her properly there wouldn't have been time to get the right one to her

I like to get to the airport early, so am in the three hour camp. DH is happy with 2 hours, but indulges me. Sometimes he is grateful for it.

Our local airport is Heathrow, and we take the bus there so will get the bus one earlier than we really need in case there are any problems. Flights are usually called about 50 minutes before departure and if that involves a remote terminal, it could take 20 minutes to get there.

We usually go in the lounge where it is quiet and relaxing.

Exactly this . I'm always early but have missed 2 flights by minutes .
Holiday starts at the airport for me

I have to be early, so I am another whose DH goes along with my need to be well ahead of schedule and it even saved us an issue with a flight (a flight was brought hugely forward due to weather and if we'd not been there early we would have had a day in the airport), so definitely with your partner.

I'm firmly on your partner's side & you sound quite petulant.

I always aim to get there three hours early. I'm an avid traveller and have been all my life, and on two occasions, if I hadn't allowed that extra hour, I'd have missed the flight.

To me, the stress isn't worth it. I find myself a quiet spot and a coffee (or if I'm feeling flash, a cheap lounge) knowing that I'm where I need to be. If I left an hour later, I'd only be sitting at home waiting to leave. It's not like you can do anything fun or interesting with the time.

I need to be there at least 3 hours early in case something happens (traffic, queues, security issues etc).

Never mind Europe: my dad missed a flight to the UK from Dublin earlier this year because he only arrived 2 hours beforehand. He now knows he could have paid for Fasttrack security and will probably do that in future to avoid the stress.

The desks only open for long haul three hours before - when does your desk open? It's really unhelpful for airports if everyone arrives too early, there isn't enough space.

I really think you're making something out of nothing. Your partner is being sensible by aiming to get to the airport 3 hours before the flight and you're seeing this as him getting his way, because you want to get there 2 hours before. Lots of things can happen en route, accidents, traffic jams, punctures etc. it's sensible to allow some leeway to your travel plans, just in case.

I've been delayed by a motorway accident on the way to the airport and only caught the plane by the skin of my teeth, if we hadn't allowed extra time and stuck to 2 hours we would have missed the flight for sure.

I think three hours is reasonable and what I always aim for because sometimes there are delays on the way and three hours means you don't have to rush or panic. It's not actually that early by the time you have gone through check in and security.
But in terms of your question only you can answer that. Does he mean enough to you for you to want to let his anxiety trump yours? How anxious will you actually be arriving an hour earlier than you wanted to?

I see it as a waste of time.
What else were you planning on doing with that hour?

(the other relevant details are, which airport? and what time of day? and how do you define arriving at the airport? - some airports need more time to navigate, peak rush time with bags to check-in needs more time, if you define arriving at the airport as walking into the terminal and he defines it as driving into the car park there's a 30 minute difference in understanding before you even set-off)

Oh I see. I have never showed up 3 hours early so I do understand OP's frustration.

I'm not massively keen on hanging around in airports either, but for a number of years now (since COVID perhaps?) I've actually felt quite pushed for time when we've left the standard two hours. By the time we've got through security the gate is often already up, and it's not that long until you board. Some flights close 40 mins before departure so you don't have much over an hour to get onto the plane from arriving.

In short, I'd suck it up this time and if you do end up with some spare time, pick out a quiet spot and look forward to the holiday!