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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

364 replies

itsmeits · 04/10/2024 07:13

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

OP posts:
TemuSpecialBuy · 04/10/2024 07:16

Well i wouldnt be bothering to go out with her or your sister again.

Enjoy quality time with your children.

What did she manage to do in a restaurant that required a visit to hospital???

shuffleofftobuffalo · 04/10/2024 07:17

They need to get to fuck. Of course you're not responsible for her child!

She is massively deflecting what she knows full well is her fault.

Brainded · 04/10/2024 07:18

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

really? Do people react like this? Strange people in my opinion, even if you had been watching her the chances are it still would’ve happened! Unless the child was doing something dangerous etc? And if the child was prone to pulling dangerous stunts then a pre warning from the mum would have been great! What exactly happened?

DoreenonTill8 · 04/10/2024 07:19

So she's happy for you to speak to SS and confirm all the times she's abandoned her child?

MumChp · 04/10/2024 07:19

I would feel bad for the kid but laugh at the parents.
Not my cirkus not my monkeys.

Penguinmouse · 04/10/2024 07:20

Do not take this shit from parents who can’t be bothered to parent their children. “I am here to watch my children and my children only. If you had ASKED me to watch your DD, I would have considered it but you went off for a 20 minute cigarette break and left her unattended.” She can report you to social services all she likes, the neglect lies with her leaving a child unattended with a virtual stranger and no arrangement for you to watch her.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/10/2024 07:20

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/10/2024 07:16

Well i wouldnt be bothering to go out with her or your sister again.

Enjoy quality time with your children.

What did she manage to do in a restaurant that required a visit to hospital???

They weren’t in a restaurant, OP says there are activities going on so I assume some are physical?

Not your problem at all OP and if SS ask you say what you said on here. Not once did you accept responsibility for caring for the child.

joolsella · 04/10/2024 07:20

What are the activities?

Is this a pub/social club outing? Is there alcohol involved?

Mindymomo · 04/10/2024 07:20

If she didn’t ask you to watch her child then you can’t be blamed for something that happened whilst she wasn’t there, there’s no way you can watch a few children all at once, if she reports you to SS, just tell them exactly what happened, it doesn’t take 20 minutes to have a cigarette, that certainly isn’t on. Sorry this accident happened but looks like she’s looking for someone to blame.

theeyeofdoe · 04/10/2024 07:20

Just tell her to report you.
make it clear you are not looking after her child.

MeMyCatsAndI · 04/10/2024 07:21

So basically she wants you to tell SS that she regularly leaves her kid unattended?

Billybagpuss · 04/10/2024 07:22

‘Oh ok report me to ss, when exactly did you ask me to watch the kids and I answered yes of course?’

StormingNorman · 04/10/2024 07:25

I’ve said you are being unreasonable because by your own admission you were not watching an eight rear old child when you knew nobody else was.

If you weren’t able to watch the child along with your own, you should have spoken up at the time. So when they announced they were going for a cig you say “I’m tied up with my DC at the moment, could you take yours with you”

Your post reads like you got the hump, behaved in a passive aggressive way and now it’s backfired because the child ended up in hospital.

Equally, the other mum is being unreasonable to expect you to look after her child…and to take such long fag breaks. It’s incredibly antisocial of them to leave you sat alone and with all the kids for so long.

Pandasnacks · 04/10/2024 07:26

TemuSpecialBuy · 04/10/2024 07:16

Well i wouldnt be bothering to go out with her or your sister again.

Enjoy quality time with your children.

What did she manage to do in a restaurant that required a visit to hospital???

What restaurant??

Spinet · 04/10/2024 07:27

Don't take any shit about this. Obviously ss won't investigate you - you're not responsible for the kid!

Your sister and her mate have put a dampener on your nice thing you do with your kids - which sounds ace by the way, whatever it is - and you should be annoyed with her!

Original poster
itsmeits · 04/10/2024 07:27

It's a local social club, not a restaurant.
Child was swinging round something fell and split head open, as the were swinging near steps. Have been told not yo by mother on previous evening.

Anyone can go. I don't go with them I go with my DDs. They go also only I have become default childcare

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 04/10/2024 07:28

Obviously they are in the wrong and being ridiculous.

I'd love to see them refer a person with no caring responsibilities to SS for not caring for their dc. It would probably give the duty team a laugh.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/10/2024 07:28

They're both being completely unreasonable and being a single mum has nothing to do with it. No one owes me child care because my ex is an arsehole. Her kid, her responsibility. Depending on how you feel if your sister brings this up again Id either walk away/hang up or tell her exactly what I think of her friends neglect of her child and that you'll happily tell SS what happened. No one outside the two of them is going to think some random child or your sister's friend is in any way your responsible.

Funnywonder · 04/10/2024 07:29

Right, so this woman's child was hurt and she has been reported to Social Services, but she thinks YOU should be reported to Social Services? None of this makes any sense. Why was the woman reported? Who by? Children have accidents all the time. My eldest might as well have set up camp at A&E he was there so often and I was never reported to Social Services. And nor should I have been.

DinosaurMunch · 04/10/2024 07:30

I doubt SS would take this any further unless there are other factors. It's normal for them to be called for major injuries but they would not do anything just check everything is ok.
They might tell the mother to keep a better eye on their child but it's an 8 year old in a child appropriate setting for half an hour- not a toddler left alone all day. It doesn't sound like neglect.
It is a bit strange though, why did no one go and get the mother if she was only just outside the door?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 04/10/2024 07:31

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Hahahaha I laughed out loud at this part. Tell the mother who abandoned her DD with a stranger to go off for a fag break to report you to SS and see what they say.

They are CFs, OP. Don't go out with either of them again.

YoYoYoYo12345 · 04/10/2024 07:32

StormingNorman · 04/10/2024 07:25

I’ve said you are being unreasonable because by your own admission you were not watching an eight rear old child when you knew nobody else was.

If you weren’t able to watch the child along with your own, you should have spoken up at the time. So when they announced they were going for a cig you say “I’m tied up with my DC at the moment, could you take yours with you”

Your post reads like you got the hump, behaved in a passive aggressive way and now it’s backfired because the child ended up in hospital.

Equally, the other mum is being unreasonable to expect you to look after her child…and to take such long fag breaks. It’s incredibly antisocial of them to leave you sat alone and with all the kids for so long.

Edited

Announcement of cig break doesn't imply you are totally responsible for my child. Doesn't work like that.

@itsmeits they are unreasonable. Enjoy your time with your own children. The mum needs to step up and supervise her own children 🙄

Mill3nnial · 04/10/2024 07:32

They are being unreasonable and I wouldn't even engage with it now
pre than to say "Your friend should have been taking care of her own child. You both took advantage of me and now she's upset because it didn't work out. She's welcome to call Social Services and explain how she repeatedly leaves the child without checking anyone is watching her"

DinosaurMunch · 04/10/2024 07:32

itsmeits · 04/10/2024 07:27

It's a local social club, not a restaurant.
Child was swinging round something fell and split head open, as the were swinging near steps. Have been told not yo by mother on previous evening.

Anyone can go. I don't go with them I go with my DDs. They go also only I have become default childcare

Honestly this was just an accident and could have happened any time. Most parents are not hovering over their 8 year olds ready to catch them if they fall.

The mother is being totally unreasonable and ss won't be interested in either of you but especially not you OP.

Morechocmorechoc · 04/10/2024 07:33

Say very clearly, I am not your child care i am there with my dc. I have not been asked and will not watch your child. Your child, your responsibility! Cheeky you know what! Not like she asked and you said OK.