Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

[itsmeits]

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

I would judge anyone who smokes when they have children, let alone someone who abandons said child with a relative stranger to go and smoke. You're not in the least bit unreasonable.

perfect response

She's effectively reporting herself for neglect, being as there was no agreement that you'd watch her child (her assumption isn't your agreement).

You just say to your sister “the only person to blame for this is the child’s mother for leaving her unattended. At no point was I asked to supervise the child. Do not try and blame me because I’m not the one responsible”.

Ps it’s best if you either come without the children or don’t take any cigarette breaks in future because I can’t keep an eye on anyone else’s children - I’m there to spend time with my own so that’s where my focus will be.

Great text @itsmeits

Now will they admit their own shortcomings or double down on their twattery?
Or potentially just silently fume behind their screens knowing they don't have a leg to stand on?

Wow, reporting an essential stranger to social services for not watching her own child? Honestly, I would invite her to call SS and they can explain what parental responsibility entails. See how impressed they are with the mum of the year who leaves her kid unattended to have a cigarette break.

I’d agree at 8 if mum announced she was going for a cig Id assume she was happy for her Dd to be left. I take my dds 9 to a class and stay till they go in, lots of parents just drop them off at the door half an hour before it starts. They all run around and play together. I talk to them and they pet the dog type stuff. I’d help if someone was hurt and call their parent but I’m not default childcare or responsible just because in the building.

The mother should have asked you explicitly to watch the child, but if I was in that situation, I would naturally be keeping an eye on her if I knew there was no one else watching her.

Obviously if the mother had asked you to watch her child, it would have given you the opportunity to say "no, I can't as I'm about to do this activity with my own child". She's massively deflecting as she has failed her DD!

Excellent response. I’d have probably added and thanks for your support sis just to be a bitch, but that’s me.

A head injury doesn't always get reported to SS. The DC obviously told the staff that no one was looking after them and the mother stinking of alcohol and fags, kicking off because others weren't watching her child, probably did it.

OP, You knew they were expecting you to be watching the DC. You admit that you were pissed off about that. You should have said explicitly that you weren't taking on the responsibility..
A kid ended up with a split head but could have ended up being sexually assaulted (the place sounds like a phoenix nights/ paedo's dream).

The mother needs a SS talking to but frankly you aren't exactly smelling of roses either. Find your voice and never let yourself be in this situation again.

Is the event Bingo? Walked past and never seen so many smoking women outside. 🤮

I reckon the Mum knows deep down she’s in the wrong and been a crap parent in this scenario, and her ridiculous response is coming from a place of guilt and defensiveness.

It is possible your sister said something to her like, “it’s fine, itsmeits will watch the kids for us” so your sister is partly responsible for what’s happened, hence why she’s kicking off.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS

I can well imagine she’s freaking out if she’s been reported to SS. How badly was the child hurt?

Agree it’s her responsibility not yours though. She’s just trying to shift blame.

Not at 8 surely? You’d assume the parent knew their child would be ok.

Not your fault.

Her child, her responsibility. She shouldn't have popped out for a cigarette break. That's the risk she took for not staying and supervise her child.

You shouldn't be expected to babysit everybody's kids when your busy supervising your own.

You need tell this daft woman and your sister that after this experience you will not be watching other people’s children at this event ever again. Put it in writing!

This.

Just this. So succinct and without a moment of waffle or deflection because it is the truth.

Your message is perfect.

I don’t think she’d be reporting you to social services, I think she’s planning on blaming you if she is reported to social services and they come calling.

Firstly, accidents happen, at 8yr old they should be able to run off and play without you watching them

secondly, you were not there babysitting, not your responsibility, they should not have presumed you were going to watch the child while they kept popping out

It could have easily happened say if the mother had just nipped to the toilet. And they were taking the piss, it takes less than 5 minutes to have a cigarette

Excellent letter.
Don’t think on it any more. Back up the SS report if asked. This woman is a dreadful mother and your sister is just immature.

Tell them to go for it and report to SS because it will be clear who the lacking parent is, and it isn’t you.

Has your sister or her friend responded? Personally I am behind you all the way. Telling you they are off for a cig is not ensuring the child is supervised - its making a statement of their intent not of your acceptance of responsibility. They need to grow up.

Your sisters a Grade A asshole too who sounds about on the same level of maturity as her friend, as she seems to be buying into this narrative and backing her mate up. I would distance myself from her and her mooching neglectful mate.

Even if you were in the middle of doing a different activity with your own child?